


Not Despite; Because

by dale_lynn12



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming of Age, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mostly Feel-Good, POV Remus Lupin, Slow Burn, dorlene, jily, life at hogwarts, little angst, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:38:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 60,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24500179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dale_lynn12/pseuds/dale_lynn12
Summary: Four boys find a lot of things at Hogwarts; Remus finds the love of his life, Sirius finds a family worth having, James finds his purpose, Peter finds he has more to offer than he ever thought, and together they find themselves in trouble- a lot. As the Marauders they grow from young boys to men, learning a lot about life, relationships, and magic along the way.(Tries to) Update on Mondays
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

When the bell rang Remus anxiously scattered to collect his belongings from the cupboard at the back of the classroom and pushed his way through the hallway to the parking lot full of buses. A few people called out to wish him a happy birthday, but he didn’t stop until he was aboard bus 209, plopped down behind the front seat. He said hello to Frank, the driver, and took off his backpack. All day, he had been waiting to get home to see if his letter from Hogwarts had arrived. He had enjoyed the special treatment from his teacher and class, and everyone had enjoyed the trays of birthday brownies his mom had sent him to school with that morning, but Remus had been too busy anticipating a life-changing letter to enjoy any of it for too long. Eventually the bus chugged out of the lot and onto the street, doing its stop and go route for a timed 28 minutes before unloading Remus and the one other kid that shared his stop onto the edge of Parsippany Drive. Remus waved goodbye to Gilbert and broke into a sprint, counting the houses as he blew by them. He skidded around the curve and beelined to the quaint mailbox that stood at the front of his driveway. He ripped it open, his heart jumping when he saw an envelope tucked inside- but it sank back down when he realized it was only the water bill. Unperturbed, he made his way down the driveway, allowing himself to catch his breath as he went, swinging the letter around mindlessly. 

He was looking up at the trees that surrounded his home, enjoying their green shimmer and pleasant smell when he heard a soft coo. Remus’s head snapped down and he grinned so wide, his cheeks almost hurt. A lithe owl sat on the railing of their little porch, tucked into the shade. A letter was tied to its ankle. The owl looked at Remus with wide, unblinking eyes as he strode up to the house. When he got onto the porch it shimmied a bit, hopping back before sticking its leg out for Remus to retrieve the letter. Remus approached slowly, speaking softly to the bird and thanking it profusely. He untied the letter gently but quickly, as he sensed the owl was ready to go.

“Wait here.” he told the owl, unsure if it would listen. But it did, watching Remus as he rattled around for his keys and unlocked the door. Despite his excitement, Remus set the two envelopes onto the counter and opened the fridge. He produced two thumb sized pellets of jellied meat, which he had made with his mom last month and pulled out of the fridge last night, on the chance that an owl came to deliver him an important piece of mail. He hurried back out to the porch, not wanting to keep the owl waiting, and held his hand out for it to eat from. It gobbled both of the snacks up, gave Remus a final coo, and lifted itself into the air. Satisfied, Remus ran back into the kitchen and slipped off his bag, throwing it on the floor under the coat hooks. He held the letter up and was delighted to see that it was addressed to him, and that it bore the Hogwarts insignia. He turned it in his hands, running his thumb over the thick seal before popping it open. The thick paper made a sshhik! as it slid from the envelope. Slowly, he set the envelope back on the table and unfolded the letter.

Sure enough, it was an invitation to Hogwarts. Remus was so relieved and excited and happy that he hopped around the kitchen, throwing his limbs around as he whooped and hollard. He couldn’t wait for his mom to get home so he could show her! Remus kicked off his shoes and slid into the living room where they had a big, old stereo. He turned it on and popped in a Beatles album, then slid back into the kitchen for an ice cream sandwich and peanut butter crackers. 

When his mom got home almost two hours later, Remus was ready to explode. The stereo was still on, but he had turned it down considerably. He had thrown all of the windows open to let the afternoon breeze in, and had forced himself to sit down and complete his page of math. When he heard her car coming he hopped up, snatched his letter from the table, and ran into the driveway to greet her with the good news. She jumped out of the car to give him a hug, and they hustled into the house to make a big birthday roast and to talk about Hogwarts. Hope’s best friend from Hogwarts, Pansy, and her partner, Madeline, whom Remus knew as Auntie Pans and Auntie Lin, were coming over to celebrate Remus’s 11th birthday at 6pm; Hope Lupin figured that left her and Remus a good two hours to prepare the roast, not dig into the cake in the fridge, and have the serious going-to-Hogwarts conversation she had been anticipating and dreading all day. 

They chattered about Hogwarts while they bustled through dinner preparations, talking about houses and teachers and classes. Hope was warmed to see Remus so excited about school- he always had loved learning, but she was looking forward to seeing him experience the wonders of Hogwarts. Eventually, though, she knew she needed to burst the bubble and lead into the nitty-gritty of it all, so when Remus finished a thought with “I just- agh. Can you believe it, Ma?” she ruffled his hair and answered “Of course I can. But before we start buying supplies, we need to sit and have a talk.”

Remus nodded. “Right, time to talk.” he said, assuming an air of professionalism. 

Hope smiled. “At the table?”

Remus nodded again and sat at his usual spot, folding his legs under him and watching his mom sit next to him. 

“Alright, honey. You, me, Aunties Pans and Lin, and Pops know about your furry little problem, right?”

“Right.”

“If you go to Hogwarts, we would need to tell someone else.”

“Hmm. Right.”

“I feel confident that if we told Dumbledore, he would keep your secret and help us make arrangements for your situation.” 

Already, Hope could see Remus deflating. “How confident?”

“Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it, honey? I feel, let’s say, 95- no, 98% confident that everything would go just how we want.” 

“But what happens in the other two percent? The don’t let me come? Would he report me?” 

Hope could see the anxiety seeping into Remus, and she hated it. “Both of those are possibilities. Frankly, I doubt that they would report you. But we’re having this conversation because before you decide to go to Hogwarts, I want you to understand what that means for you, and I want you to consider the risks you would have to take.”

Remus nodded, slowly. He had thought a little about this stuff, but before he had ever gotten too far into it he’d stopped himself, not wanting to worry about such problems until he knew he would even go to Hogwarts. “So, I need to decide if I’m willing to trust this person with my secret so that I can go to Hogwarts?”

“Yessir. I don’t think you’d be able to meet him in person, but if you really wanted to then we might be able to make arrangements- he’s a really patient and understanding man. Otherwise, you can ask me and your Aunties all the questions you need, and we can help you do some research on him.”

“What do you mean, research?”

“Well, this is a really big decision, and it all depends on this one guy. So, don’t you think you should do a little digging to see what kinds of decisions he’s made in similar situations in the past? Like I said, I trust him, but this is a decision for you to make, and I want you to be informed when you do it.”

“I can do that, with some help.” He smiled up at Hope. “I really want to go to Hogwarts, but sharing my secret sounds… scary.”

“I know, honey.” Hope wrapped Remus’s hands in her own. “I feel the same.” There was a pause as they both marinated in the heavy feelings of the situation. Before either of them got too bogged down, Hope pulled the conversation back up. “If you do go, then there’s more we have to figure out, too. Like the silver. And we need to decide if you’ll transform there- assuming they find a place for you to do so- or come home. We’ll have to see who needs to be let in on your secret- I think the school nurse and maybe your head of house. And we have to figure out how to keep your condition a secret to everyone else.”

“We can keep brewing the potion for that, though, right? And telling everyone I have bronchiectasis?”

“We can. But it will be harder. For one thing, your new peers would actually believe in and be aware that werewolves exist, so we’d have to be a lot more careful. And if they caught on, it would be a lot harder to deny.”

“That’s true.” Remus could feel a deep frown tugging at his mouth. He had been so excited to go to Hogwarts, but now it seemed like it would be so stressful. And that was if he went- first he had to do a bunch of stressful work and make a stressful decision. Remus began to long for the blissful age of ten. 

“Hey.”

Remus lifted his head to meet his mom’s bright hazel eyes. She was giving him a small, secret smile and squeezing his hands. 

“We are going to figure all of this stuff out. If anyone can handle the challenges ahead, it’s you. No challenge too large, remember?

“No challenge too large.” Remus echoed back. 

“Now, let's get back to dinner, and set the table. Your aunts should be here in an hour. Do you want to talk werewolf concealing strategies while we work?”

Remus and his mom rose from the table and drifted into the kitchen, brainstorming magical excuses for monthly overnight disappearances surrounded by lethargy and encased in scars.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus kept his eyes trained on the ceiling, for the most part. There was just so much to see! In King’s Cross Station, people were everywhere, and there was so much sound that it was almost too much, but in a good way. He had his mother to his right and was hauling her old trunk with his left, both of which he kept squeezing out of excitement. The Lupins didn’t come into London much, only once or twice in Remus’s life. And they had certainly never come to King’s Cross! He soaked up the different clothes, the laughs, the chirps of the birds overhead, and the wooshes of the trains. As they neared platforms 9 and 10, Remus slowed down, unsure. But his mom squeezed his hand and gave him a wink, then a little tug as she confidently began striding towards the wall. Remus followed her lead, albeit with less confidence, and together they stepped right past the brick wall and onto another hidden platform that was the same and different all at the same time. 

This one had different clothes, too, but this time it was a mix of muggle clothes and robes. There was laughter, and a lot more crying- but most of the tears seemed to come with smiles. There were chirps from birds, but also coos and ribbits and meows. And the train here was big and red, and let out deafening pumps of steam as it prepared to chug them all to Hogwarts. Remus couldn’t have felt more comfortable in a place so strange. 

“Well, honey- whaddya think?”

Remus looked up at his mom, smiling ear to ear. “I guess.” He shrugged. “If I have to.”

That gave Hope a laugh. “Oh, you poor thing.” She knelt down so her and Remus were at the same height, something Remus had come to love. “I hope you’ll manage. They’re going to teach you, and give you the best meals of your life, and you’ll make some of your best friends- like, ever! They don’t even let you do your own laundry. Oh, the humanity!” She draped her arm over her forehead and leaned back dramatically. “How will you bear it!?” She looked back at him, both of them giggling, and wrapped him into a giant hug. Remus buried his nose into her shoulder, taking in the comforting smell of her. 

“Oh!” Remus exclaimed and pulled back from his mom, suddenly. “Bishop!” 

Remus let go of Hope and peeked down the front of his jumper, to where his bat was hanging. “Sorry, mate.” He spoke softly. “Didn’t mean to crush you.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

A voice bellowed out, asking those who could to begin boarding. Remus and Hope looked at one another, and a heavy feeling settled into Remus’s chest. He willed himself not to cry. “I guess I have to go now.”

Hope nodded. “I guess so. But it’s nothing to be upset over. Promise to write me like we agreed, okay?”

“I will, I promise.”

“I want to know where you get sorted right away! And don’t forget to keep track of all your favorite foods, and we’ll see if we can recreate them at home. Let me know if you need anything at all, honey. Kisses or quills, brownies or bandages, I’ll make sure I get it to you. And we’ll see each other in three weeks anyways, right?”

“Yep, three on the dot.”

“Okay, this is the part where I let you go.” Hope wrapped her hands around Remus’s shoulders. “I am going to release you. Any second now, I’m gonna do it.” Remus laughed a little, and gave a tug towards the train, but his mom’s hands remained steadfast on his jumper. “Okay, one more hug first.” She pulled him into a hug, strategically avoiding Bishop, and whispered into his ear “Okay, on the count of three. Ready? One, two… three!” His mom opened her arms and Remus took a few steps away, beginning to worry that she would change her mind and keep him at home. Part of him hoped that she would. He gave her a wave.

“Buy, ma! Love you.”

“Love you too, honey! Have a safe trip!”

“You too!”

With that, Remus turned towards the train, found the door, and stepped on, taking one look back at his mom wiping tears from her eyes and waving before disappearing into the carriages. 

The train was bustling with action, and Remus almost wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He began walking down the aisle, swinging his head from left to right looking for an empty carriage. Most were full, though, with kids struggling to put away their trunks and friends chatting quickly. Remus found one with a boy in it, who seemed to be his age. He stuck his head in.

“Hello.” 

“Hello.” the boy echoed back.

“Do you mind if I sit with you?”

“Not at all.”

“Thanks.” Remus began maneuvering his trunk through the doorway, careful not to make any sudden movements that would disturb Bishop. When he finally got settled he sat across from the boy, next to the window. He scanned the platform for his mom, but in the sea of faces she was lost. He figured he had walked pretty far down the line from where he had gotten on, anyways. The boy was looking out of the window, too, bobbing his leg up and down anxiously and sitting on his hands. 

“What’s your name?” Remus asked.

“Cecil.” The boy turned his attention to Remus and stuck out his hand. “What’s yours?” 

“I’m Remus.” he answered, shaking Cecil’s hand. “Are you a first year?”

“Yeah. I’m muggle-born. So, no idea what’s ahead of me. You?”

“I’m a first year, too. My parents went to Hogwarts, but I grew up going to normal school and stuff. I’m not really sure what to expect, either.”

“Glad it’s not only me.” Cecil smiled at him, and Remus thought he seemed at least a bit less anxious. He took a moment to study Cecil: He had dark skin and curly hair, which floated above his head in a small afro that Remus wanted to touch very much, but would never ask to. His lips were full, and when he smiled they curved and made his cheeks fill up. He was in a yellow shirt that was tucked into olive green corduroy pants, and wore brown loafers on his feet. A nice looking jacket was on the seat beside him. Remus looked down at his own baggy sweater and brown pants and felt marginally unimpressive.

“I like your pants.” Remus said.

“Thanks. I like your sweater.” Remus was looking forward to chatting with Cecil more on the ride in. 

Soon after a girl poked her head in and asked to sit, and another girl came after that. The last one barely got sat down before the train began rolling off. They all swapped names and years politely, sharing small stories about where they were from or who their family was. The girl that had rushed in turned out to be a third year from Ravenclaw, and not long after they left London she excused herself to go look for her friends. The other girl was named Marlene, and she was a first year, too. The three of them had a great time on the ride, sharing their lunches and joking around. Marlene had older siblings, so she told Remus and Cecil about all of the things her brother and sister had described to her, like ghosts and moving staircases. Cecil had read one of the textbooks already, Hogwarts: A History, so he shot out questions that ranged from totally out of Remus’s knowledge to manageable. When the two boys had to change into their robes, they went to the bathrooms together and laughed at each other when they came out, not used to the way they looked. By the time they reached the station, Remus was feeling much more prepared for the challenges ahead; He now had some extra insight from Marlene, but no matter what, at least he wasn’t as in-the-dark as Cecil.

When they reached the station they were asked to leave their belongings on the train, which Remus thought was peculiar. He hoped that they wouldn’t have to come back for their things later. Then first years peeled off towards a massive, shimmering, black lake and were asked to climb into little boats, three in each. Having not separated since the carriage, Cecil, Marlene, and Remus clamoured into one, all three scooting away from the edges even though it meant they would be pressed against one another. Once everyone was loaded into the boats, they slid onto the lake. Even in the dark, Remus could see how wide Cecil’s eyes were. Marlene must have as well, because she whispered, “It’s okay, they’re enchanted to row. See the one up front with the grounds-keeper? We’ll follow that one, and we won’t run into anyone.”

Cecil nodded, but his eyes kept darting around. Remus took in the lulling lap of the water and the cool smell around them, but he was soon ready to disembark the boat as well. There was a massive building ahead, like a castle, and he was sure it was Hogwarts. There were a million windows of different shapes and sizes scattered across the building face, but there wasn’t quite enough light coming from them to make out the whole structure. He was too anxious to be content with the speed they were moving at, and the wind was beginning to bite into his bones. Remus wrapped his arms around his torso, careful not to squash Bishop, and shivered- that’s when he remembered that he was supposed to convince the school that he had bronchiectasis. He gave a few coughs into his fist, turning away from his friends as he did so. Thanks to the potion he and his mom had been brewing for years, his coughs sounded utterly disgusting. 

“Alright, Remus?” Marlene asked. 

Remus nodded, glad she took the bait. “It’s just my bronchiectasis. It acts up in cold, damp conditions and, well…” Remus trailed off, vaguely gesturing around them. 

“I’m so sorry to hear that. Hopefully we’ll be at Hogwarts soon and we’ll get nice and warm. It looks so big- we must be close!” 

Remus nodded, clearing his throat and pushing small coughs out of his lungs. Cecil gave him a consoling nudge, for which Remus returned a smile.

Marlene was right, though, and soon they all hopped off of the boat one by one and began their march into Hogwarts. Remus walked sandwiched between Marlene and Cecil, which was suggested and agreed upon by the pair before he could protest. They arrived with their arms linked at a massive front door, large enough for a giant to comfortably walk through. Remus mentally kicked himself for thinking that King’s Cross had been impressive, and made a note to prepare himself to be continually amazed for the next month or so. As kids around him came before the door, Remus was pleased to see that he was far from the only one to be so amazed, as students all around them were oohing and gasping with delight. They walked through the doorway slowly, too busy taking in the grandeur and intricate details to move at a regular pace. They looked at each other and smiled when, right as they walked through the entrance, they were filled with a warmth that spread all the way to their cold toes. 

“Here comes the part I’ve been waiting to see.” murmured Cecil. They followed the group through another massive doorway and into what Remus could only assume was the dining hall. Just like his mother said, there was no ceiling, only the night sky above, along with the house banners and hundreds of candles. There were witches and wizards at all of the tables, clapping and hooting and hollering at them, and the three were so busy taking it all in that they nearly bumped right into the first years in front of them, who had stopped.

The sorting ceremony began with little delay, but it took much longer than Remus had anticipated. He had begun to tune it out, instead dreaming of the feast ahead of him, when he heard his name called. Suddenly very nervous, Remus took overly-thought-out paces to the stool at the front of the room and sat on it, glad that the hat placed on his head covered his eyes so that he wouldn’t have to look at the hundreds of people before him. A voice that wasn’t his spoke in his head, “You’re a smart one, aren’t you?” Not knowing what else to say, Remus thought “Thank you.” His mom had talked to him about the hat, and he was glad for it. The experience was strange. “But I know where to put you. GRYFFINDOR!” The hat was plucked from his head and light flooded Remus’s eyes. Remus wanted to ask questions, he was sure he’d be put into Ravenclaw. But stage fright moved him from the stool to the Gryffindor table, where kids were clapping, all looking right at him. He sat down by a girl with fiery red hair, who gave him a bright smile. 

“I’m Lily! Nice to meet you!” she called over the dying noise. 

“Remus! Likewise!” he called back, giving her hand a firm shake. 

As the sorting finished up, Remus found himself distracted again. He hadn’t given much thought to being in any house but Ravenclaw. It was the house his mom was in, and she was everything that he wanted to be. Plus, his Aunties agreed- he had Ravenclaw qualities, through and through. He paid enough attention, though, to see that Cecil was sorted into Hufflepuff and Marlene into Gryffindor with him. When the sorting was done, Dumbledore stood in front of the hall and began speaking in a wise voice, 

“Welcome, welcome to all of our new and returning students. For those of you who do not know me, I am Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I’m sure you’re all as hungry as I am, so I will get on with announcements. First, as always, the Forbidden Forest is forbidden to any students, unless specifically escorted there by a faculty member. Second, some of you may have noticed a new botanical addition to our grounds: We have generously been gifted a Whomping Willow tree. While I recommend that you observe the tree and direct any inquiries towards Professor Sprout, I would advise that everyone stay well out of its reach. Finally, many students this semester will be assigned roles in a school-wide play we have decided to put on in November to aid the curriculum. For those of you who will not be asked to participate for class, you may ask your professors for ways to volunteer. The entire school will be invited to watch, and more details about it will come as the date nears. I look forward to a great year with all of you, but for now, we eat.”

As Dumbledore finished his spiel, the tables suddenly filled with mountains of magnificent food, whose aromas rose into the air smelling so tantalizingly that Remus couldn’t think of doing a thing but filling his plate. Many students around the hall cheered, but it wasn’t sustained since everyone quickly took to eating. Remus’s mom was right; there was more food than he could’ve imagined, and everything looked so good. As he surveyed the area around him for what he wanted to eat, he gave a glance at the girl next to him, Lily. She looked just as surprised and ravenous as he was. She looked up at him, giving him a wild smile. 

“Well, I’ll tell you what, Remus. This is the skinniest you’re ever going to see me, ‘cause I’m going to get fat here- I just know it.”

Remus laughed and nodded. “You and me both.” he answered, then went back to filling his plate. Before he could dig in, he was delighted to see Marlene come to join him at the table. He introduced the two girls, and the three of them chatted and ate until they were so full they could barely do either. After it seemed that most people were just picking at their plates, older kids got up from all of the tables and started calling for first years to follow them, so that they could show them where the dorms were. Remus was excited. His mom had told him about the Ravenclaw dorm, and even the Hufflepuff one, which she had been in a few times with his dad, but he had no idea what the other two looked like. He followed the older kid and listened to her as she pointed out different halls that lead to classes. Eventually, they reached a hallway and stopped. Remus craned his neck to see why they had stopped here, of all places. When all he saw was another portrait, he found that he was no less confused. The prefect explained to them that the portrait was the door to the common room and dorms, but she would only open if you gave her the correct password, which changed frequently. At the moment it was flobbersot, which Remus figured he would write down so he didn’t forget. 

He was funneled through the portrait hole and into the massive common room. It was warm and red and gold, colors that Remus was coming to like more and more. A fire crackled in a large hearth, and cushy couches were all around it. There were windows that looked out over the grounds, and they had sills large enough for someone to curl up with a book. The prefect pointed to two sets of stairs. 

“Girls dorms are up this way, boys that way. Your things should be in your rooms already. We’ve written your names on the doors so you know where you are. Charles and I will be down here for a while if you have any questions.”

Remus turned to Marlene and Lily. “Well, I guess I should go check out my dorm. Do you guys want to meet up for breakfast tomorrow?”

“That would be great!” Lily beamed. “Good luck with your roommates. I hope they aren’t terrible.”

“Me too.” Remus answered. “Same to you guys. Is nine too early for breakfast?”

“Nine sounds perfect.” Marlene nodded. 

Lily nodded with her. “Nine it is. Then we can go explore the grounds. I want to figure out where everything is before classes start.”

“Good idea.”

“Alright, see you at nine, then!” Remus waved as he walked towards the stairs. As he began his assent, the thought of how odd it was to head into a new room with none of his belongings. But, he figured it was much better than going back for his trunk when he was so full and tired. He climbed the stairs, watching the doors for his name. Two boys behind him peeled off having found their dorm, but Remus just kept going up. He was just starting to wonder how far up the stairs could go when he spotted his name, along with three others. James, Peter, Remus, Sirius. He repeated the names in his head a few times so he would remember them, then pushed open the door. The room was perfect, Remus thought. They were clearly in a tower, since the room was circular and had windows all around it. And it was so big! There were four beds with red curtains, and there was a potbelly fireplace in the middle. Each boy had a dresser by their bed and enough room under for their trunks, which were already there. Remus found his on the right. 

There was another boy in the room already, at the bed next to his. He was pale with long, dark, wavy hair. He was thin, too, and wore a nice shirt and pants but no socks or shoes. When Remus entered he turned to look, and gave a little wave. “‘Lo.” He said. Remus figured he must have been exceptionally full and sleepy, because he seemed to have little energy. He was unpacking his trunk slowly.

“Hello! Remus answered, walking over to his own bed and sitting down so that he was facing the boy. “I’m Remus.”

“Sirius.” The other boy said. Remus thought about replying ‘Yes, I am serious.’ but figured he probably heard that a lot, and Sirius didn’t seem to be in the mood, anyways. 

“Nice to meet you, Sirius. Did you have a good dinner?” Remus slid off the bed to pull out his own trunk.

“Yeah,” Sirius answered, “best I’ve had in ages, maybe ever.” He seemed to brighten up a bit at that, which made Remus glad.

“Me too. The pies were so good, I wish I would have been able to eat more.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” Sirius said, and a smile bloomed on his face. He stopped unpacking to grab something from his dresser, which he unwrapped to reveal a pie. “I nabbed this one, on the off chance I get hungry later.”

“You genius.” Remus commented. “Although, I’m not even sure if I’ll be hungry by breakfast.” 

Sirius was about to reply when the door opened again and a chubby boy peeked his head around. 

“Hello!” Remus and Sirius said in unison. Remus noted that Sirius seemed to be in a better mood than when he’d come in already, for which he was very thankful. 

“Hi!” The boy called back. “I’m Peter!”

The boys made their introductions, and Peter found his trunk on the other side of Remus. He figured they must have set them up in the same order as on the door. They chatted a while about dinner and the room, until the last boy, James, came in, then they all talked some more. Remus quickly realised that James was quite the chatterbox, and that he knew lots of people already. Peter was the most quiet, following Sirius and Remus in unpacking his trunk, and snorting whenever one of them cracked a good joke. Sirius steadily became more animated, eventually using a hair tie to put up his long, black hair in different ways to assist his impressions of people they had met so far. Once all three of them were sitting on their beds and the conversation calmed down James commented, “Never thought I’d room with a Black, I’ll tell you that much.”

“You’re just as surprised as me, mate.” Sirius answered.

“What do you mean?” Remus asked.

“Oh, right. You’re muggle raised, aren’t you?” James asked back. Remus nodded. “In the wizarding world, tradition is pretty important. That’s why we all use candles and fires as our light sources, but don’t get me started on that. Anyways, there are a few old, rich, very traditional families that have been around for ages. I’m from one of them, the Potters, and Sirius is from another, the Blacks. Usually these families have alliances to a certain house; the Potters are always in Gryffindor and the Blacks are always in Slytherin.”

“Except that I’m not in Slytherin, you might notice.” Sirius interjected. “And in my family, that’s like digging up my grandfather from his grave, robbing him, and spitting on his corpse. My entire family hates everything that the Potters are and stand for, and when they find out that not only am I not in Slytherin, but I’m in Gryffindor, and that I’m rooming with a Potter… I don’t even know what they’re going to do.”

Remus soaked that up for a moment, guessing that was why Sirius had been so morose when he’d come into the room. “That sounds pretty intense.”

“It is.” Sirius answered, his voice filled to the brim with misery. “And I don’t even know how it happened. Like, I’ve never bought into a lot of the pureblood traditional crap that my family lives by, and I don’t get along with either of my parents because of it, but Gryffindor? I didn’t even see it coming.”

“That’s crazy. What did the hat say?” James asked. 

“He said, ‘Ah, another Black. But you aren’t like the others, are you? Ambition, yes, but I’ve made this mistake before.’ I thought that was odd. Then he yelled Gryffindor and here we are.”

“Wow.” James said, and they all sat in deep thought for a minute. 

“I know it’s not the same, but if it makes you feel any better I didn’t expect to be in Gryffindor either.” Peter piped up. “My siblings had all agreed I’d be in Hufflepuff for sure.”

“Yeah,” Remus agreed. “And I was positive I’d be in Ravenclaw. A bit shocked when I was sorted.” He gave James a glance, but figured his next comment would be worth it if it made Sirius feel better. “A little disappointed, too.” he said softly.

“Oi!” James straightened.

“And instead you’re stuck here with us,” Sirius drawled, smiling again. “In the house full of dummies.”

“Hey!” James protested, and launched his pillow at Sirius, who fell back cackling. The rest of the evening went on the same lighter mood, until they started wandering into the bathroom one by one to change into pajamas. Remus was the last to do so, taking the time instead to write a quick letter to his mom. He told her about all of the friends he’d already made, and the great food, and the Gryffindor dorms. He found that he was excited to hear her reaction to him being sorted as he was. He decided that he would bring the letter with him to explore the grounds, and send it off when they found the owlery Marlene had talked about. Before he went to the bathrooms he pulled Bishop from his robes, which startled Peter. He was glad that the ceiling in the dorm was so high, and that it had so many rafters and pipes. He was sure that Bishop would find a good place to cozy in. After Bishop had explored, Remus cracked his window so that the bat could fly about the grounds and eat while they slept. Then he pulled his pajamas from his new dresser and went into the bathroom to change for bed, set an alarm on his clock for 8:30, and fell into an easy sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

On the morning that classes began, Remus roused faster than he normally would. For the few hours before his alarm rang he found himself waking up periodically, anxious that he had slept through his alarm or just wondering if it was time to get up yet. He was tired, wishing he had slept more soundly and that his roommates hadn’t talked him into that last game of gobstones the night before, but he was too excited to lay in bed any longer. On top of his dresser he had set out his outfit for the day; clean undies, his best pair of slacks, black socks, a soft long sleeve shirt, his favorite knit jumper, and- of course- his robes. Remus left his brown shoes on the floor but scooped up everything else and headed into the bathroom. He brushed his teeth in the mirror then headed into the shower for a quick clean up. While there he mused about the past two days with his new friends, and his upcoming classes. Recently, those seemed to be the only things he thought about. Remus mentally walked through his tour around the grounds with Lily and Marlene, and traced lines from room to room. Yesterday he had sketched out a primitive map of where they had gone and labeled classrooms he thought they might end up in, but had no way of knowing where he would need to go until he got his schedule at breakfast.

After toweling off and dressing Remus stood in front of the mirror again, making sure he looked tidy. He figured so. He pushed his hair around, trying to get it to all go a certain way, and decided to leave it at that. He crept back through the dorm to his area where his packed bag was waiting. Before he slung it over his shoulder, though, he set his pajamas onto his pillow and pulled out the top drawer of his dresser. At the back he kept a vile of potion, the one he and his mom had dubbed Mucus Mix and that he took every morning to make it sound like he was super sick when he coughed. He took a small sip, since he didn’t need to make a show of being sick that day, and tucked it back away behind his socks. The other three boys were still asleep so he decided to sneak out before they awoke, thinking of the warm cup of tea and quiet he would have at breakfast. Remus nabbed his shoes and shut the door quietly behind him, pausing in the common room to lace the brogues onto his feet before heading downstairs. 

Remus wasn’t in the Great Hall long before he noticed his head of house, Professor McGonagall, walking right towards him. She looked regal, like she belonged in a royal castle, he thought. She wore heavy looking grey robes that were knit of a warm fabric, and her pointed witch’s hat matched. The heels of her books clicked against the stone floor, and something shiny was pinned to her chest; As she got closer, Remus realised that it was a moving gold lion brochure. She had to walk such a long distance to him from the teacher’s table that he wasn’t sure if it was weird to watch her the whole time, so he busied himself by grabbing a slice of crumb cake and topping off his cup of tea until she arrived. 

“Hello, Remus.” she said, and sat down across from him gingerly. “I believe this is for you.” She handed him a small piece of paper that he immediately recognized as his list of classes. 

“Thank you, professor.”

“You’re quite welcome. There is one other thing I wish to discuss with you.” she paused, watching Remus. “I’ve been made aware of your unique situation, and I would like you to know that I understand the implications it may have on your school work. As such, I have decided to communicate with your other professors about extending a certain amount of leniency when it comes to late work. But, rest assured that I will not expose the reason for such leniency to any of them.”

Remus didn’t know what to say for a moment, taking the time to look around him to make sure no one was in earshot. “Thank you again, professor. My intention is to get schoolwork done ahead of time, so hopefully there will be no late work.” 

She gave him a curt nod. “A wise goal. I would also like to invite you to meet our matron, Madame Pomfrey, and to visit the location we have prepared for you. Would next Monday work for you?”

Remus nodded.

“Excellent. How about 6pm, so you have enough time to eat after classes?”

“That sounds good.”

“Will you be able to find the hospital wing, or would you rather meet in a more familiar place?”

“I think I know where it is, and if not I can ask.”

She nodded once and smiled at him. “If you ever need to talk about problems or adjustments, please do not hesitate to schedule a meeting with me. Now, do you have any questions about your classes?”

“Not yet, I don’t think.” Remus looked down at his paper, hoping something might pop into his mind. Nothing did. He looked back up.

“Very well, then. I will see you in class. Have a good morning, Mr. Lupin.”

“You too, Professor McGonnagal.”

With that she stood up and clicked back to her way back to the teacher’s table, leaving Remus to stew in the heavy feelings that came with his lythrocampy. He ate his crumb cake in small bites, watching the slow trickle of students into the Great Hall with minimal interest. He wondered if he would actually be able to get away with fooling his friends and roommates for seven years. That seemed like an awful long time to rely on a home-brewed potion, he thought. Remus thought about picking up spells or charms or other potions or anything that would help him conceal his condition. He had given up on cures a long time ago, and knew there wasn’t anything in that department. He and his mom had resorted to distraction as the best resolution, filling their basement with toys and tires and anything else his mom could think to transfigure that would keep him from hurting himself as the wolf. Suddenly, Remus found himself missing his mom deeply, and wished that she could be there when he met McGonagall next week. The feeling filled him up, making his heart tight, and he felt very alone. He looked to his left and right, but even though quite a few Gryffindors had come down for breakfast none of them had sat near them, or were paying him any attention at all. Remus grabbed his tea cup and held it close to his heart. The warmth and smell felt like home.

A rustling noise broke Remus’s train of thought, and he looked up to see where it was coming from. Owls were streaming through the windows near the ceiling, more than Remus had ever seen in one place. He sharpened his eyes, hoping to spot his mom’s, but remembered that if he got a letter back from her it would be from the Hogwarts owl he had sent. He kept his eyes trained on the owls anyways, and smiled when the breeze from them swooping over the table hit his face. More owls than he cared to count flew by before a letter plopped onto his empty plate. Remus set down his tea and opened the letter from his mom, knowing it was exactly what he needed to stop feeling so down. 

_Gryffindor!? Wow!! I’m so proud of you, honey. See, I always told you how brave you are. Will you finally believe me? The rooms sound so nice, I’m glad that you like them. And your feast! I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous. I have been eating the same batch of soup for three nights now- not nearly as good as meat pies. Your Aunties are coming over tonight to keep me company and are bringing some meatballs. It is quiet without you here, and very strange. I keep the stereo on all night until I go to bed, and have realised that I need some more cassettes. Let me know what your new friends are listening to, and maybe we can explore the new music together. I hope this letter gets to you before the first day of classes, but either way I hope that you love all of your classes and professors. Let me know what you think of them all, I can’t wait to read!_  
_I send all of my love to you, Ma_  
_P.S. I finally figured out how to fix that tapestry without ruining it, and find the spell I used incredibly useful for repairing old clothes, so expect some interesting thrift store fixer-upper finds soon. Love you!_

Remus let the love from his mom fill him up, tucking the letter back into the envelope and placing it between the pages in the back of his notebook. He would answer her after classes so that he could tell her about them- and he would ask if she could floo next Monday for the meeting. Remus returned to his tea, feeling content. He set his feelings, letting everything settle and returning his mind to classes and schoolwork. He found his schedule and saw that Herbology was first, which he figured was as good of a way to start the day as anything. Lily and Marlene come in then, with matching outfits and braids. That must have been what took them so long to come to breakfast. He glanced down at his watch and saw that it was only 8:09. 

“Good morning, Remus!” Marlene called out.

“Good morning, Marlene, Lily.” he answered as they sat down. Lily gobbled down a pastry and excused herself to say hi to a friend at a different table. Remus and Marlene agreed it must be Severus, a friend in Slytherin that Lily knew from her childhood and had talked about a few times. She came back quickly, and by 8:30 the three of them were ready to head out to the greenhouses. 

“Have your roommates come in yet?” Lily asked as they stood from the benches.

“Not that I’ve noticed.” Remus responded. As if on cue, the three of them hurried through the door, Sirius practically dragging James- who barely seemed awake. Sirius caught Remus’s gaze and his face flushed with relief. He beckoned frantically for Remus to come closer. “Uh, one second.” Remus said to the girls. He broke off to hustle to his roommates, who had gone directly to the end of the Gryffindor table and started filling plates. Sirius hadn’t sat down, and turned when Remus approached. 

“Do you know what our first class is?” he asked.

“Herbology.”

“Ugh! I am going to kill that Potter. Thank you, Remus. We’ll see you in class. Oh- how early did you get up? ‘Cause I was up at 7:30 and you were gone.”

“Oh, I got up at seven.”

“Well, good on you not to wait around for us. Maybe tomorrow I’ll get up with you and leave James to sleep through all his classes. I’ve got to go stuff my face before class. See you!” Sirius turned back to the table and began stuffing his pockets instead of his face. Remus jogged off to meet back up with the girls, and they chatted as they walked to class. They were there first, and picked spots near the front. Remus was surprised when Hufflepuffs began filing through the door as well as Gryffindors, having thought that the building would barely fit all the students from his house earlier. About ten minutes before class started Remus saw Cecil step through the door, and was glad to see him smile widely when their eyes met. 

“Remus! Marlene!” he said, walking over. “Gosh, I didn’t know if I was headed to the right place at all, but I’m so glad to see you guys here. Do you have Herbology now, too?”

“Yep!” They both said.

“It’s so good to see you, Cecil.” Remus beamed. “How’re the Hufflepuffs?”

“Oh, they’re great! I love my roommates, and everyone has been so kind helping me figure stuff out. What about Gryffindors?”

“Not too bad, either, I s’pose. This is our friend Lily, by the way. Her and Marlene are roommates.” Remus gestured to Lily, and the two exchanged hellos. “What’s the rest of your schedule like? Maybe we have another class together.” Cecil and Remus looked at their papers and determined that along with Herbology twice a week, they also had Defense Against the Dark Arts and Flight together. “That’s great! So, we’ll be able to see each other four days a week, including all day Friday.”

“I’m glad of it. I love the Hufflepuffs, but I missed you lot.” Cecil smiled back at Marlene and Remus. 

Remus’s roommates rushed in only two minutes before nine, and Professor Sprout popped in exactly on the hour. She was short and plump, like a beet, and her robes were soft colors with boisterous accents. She reminded Remus of his mom’s gardening gloves, which he guessed was spot-on for a Herbology professor. She had a soft voice, so she used an amplifying spell to make sure everyone in the greenhouse could hear her. She was very upbeat, and Remus figured this was the perfect class to have right in the morning. They talked about the Whomping Willow, and took a walk to go see it. It was magnificent in size, and enormously threatening. Professor Sprout sent a big beach ball from her wand towards the tree, which suddenly became exceptionally animated, throwing its massive branches at the ball and smashing it into the ground. She cautioned them again to never go near the tree, and Remus figured after that show they all would listen- he certainly would. 

At the end of the lesson she promised them no homework in the first week, but told them not to expect the same treatment afterwards. It sounded like they would be learning about the magical plants in more traditional learning styles, with readings and reports, but that it would be supplemented with hands-on work in the greenhouses where they would grow and tend the hundreds of varieties Professor Sprout had. Remus was rather excited for everything he would learn in that class alone- magical plants almost always had a purpose. His mom had plants at the front of their house that spied on the front door, and other ones that would act as a defense if they felt threatened. They grew their garden for eating from, of course, but they also grew herbs for potions and ones that had magical healing properties for Remus post-transformation. He had always enjoyed working in their garden back home, and figured this class would be no different.

Cecil called goodbye to them as they all left the greenhouse, peeling off with the other Hufflepuffs for Potions. Remus’s roommates came up behind him and the girls, asking if they could all walk together to Transfiguration. 

“Why?” Lily asked, a smile playing on her lips. “Because you don’t know where it is?”

“Uh, yes.” Peter answered. “We were too busy having fun last week to map out the entire castle, unlike some people.” He gave Remus a playful poke. 

“And look at how that paid off.” she quipped back. “Following us around like lost puppies.”

Peter shrugged, pulling a pastry out of his pocket and munching it. They all picked seats near the front, scattering between the Ravenclaws they were sharing the classroom with. Transfiguration was just as good as Herbology, Remus thought. His mom was excellent at transfiguration, and ran a magical antique repair shop where he practically lived in the summers, so he had picked up the general idea of the magic already, and McGonagall seemed like she had tons of information on the subject that she was ready to impart onto them. She stressed that they had a lot of material to cover before Christmas break, and that they were going to begin with serious coursework right away. She assigned a reading about the theory of Transfiguration and jumped right into a lecture about it. When the lecture was over she sent the Ravenclaws to lunch, but kept the Gryffindors. 

“As head of house, I am assigning all first year Gryffindors an essay. I would like you to write about yourselves. In magic, and in life, being able to reflect on yourself is important. It’s a skill we often do not talk about, but one that needs to be practiced in order for us to become skilled witches and wizards- and decent people. I’d like this essay to be a reflection on your past experiences with magic; if you grew up with magic, what kind was it? If you didn’t, how do you feel about it? Or, what kinds of magical outbursts did you have as a child? Then, I’d like you to write about where you anticipate taking your magic. This can be in the form of predictions, aspirations, or expectations. I’d like the whole essay to be no less than three pages, please, but no more than five. I will be reading each and every essay, and then they will be filed away and we will revisit them in your later years at Hogwarts. They are due before curfew next Monday. You can give them to me during class or drop them off at the box on my office door, but please do not forget to put your name on every sheet of paper. As much as it pains me to do so, I will take five points from Gryffindor for every paper I receive that has no name on it. Any questions?” She surveyed the room. “Then you’re excused.”

Everyone walked to the Great Hall for lunch, brainstorming ideas for their essay. Remus quite liked the assignment; he thought it would be good to think seriously about his relationship with magic. James and Peter seemed rather disgusted with the idea, while Sirius seemed deep in thought. Lily was telling the story about a magical outburst she had around Severus when she was seven, and how he recognized it immediately and began telling her about the magical realm. By the end of lunch Lily had written out an outline for the first half of her essay, but was stuck on the second part. They had helped Marlene come up with something to write about- she and James seemed completely stuck, having grown up with magic their whole lives. Remus didn’t blame them. He could see how it would be hard to identify a relationship with something that had been intertwined with him since birth- it would be like a muggle writing about their relationship with air, Marlene said. Peter said he was going to write about his siblings, who always competed with each other, and his uncle, who was a squib. Apparently, between the two instances, there was a long stretch of time where he didn’t think he would have magic at all. 

When asked what Sirius would write about he dawdled a bit, but eventually said he would talk about how different magic was for him at Hogwarts. Lily pressed him harder, and they found out that the Black family used a lot of really dark magic. He told them about how heavy it felt in his lungs, and about how magic and power had been synonymous in his mind for a lot of his childhood. Sirius told them about their head house elf, Pip, and how through her he realised that magic was just magic; even though she could do more magic than his parents with the snap of her fingers, his parents had the power because they used their magic as a tool to get it. And now, at Hogwarts, he got to experience magic just for the sake of magic instead of as a means to accomplish things, and it excited him. Sirius said that in his essay, he was going to vow to learn about the good magic and leave all the dark magic of his family behind, and that he hoped McGonagall held him to it.

It was a pretty heavy conversation for eleven year olds to be having over ham and cheese rolls, Remus thought, but he understood. Remus’s relationship with magic was different depending on the day of the month- sometimes he loved it, sometimes he loathed it. He told his friends about how magic had been like a lovely secret growing up, since he attended a muggle school but lived with magic at home. By the end of lunch Remus had an outline, too, but opposite from Lily’s; He had the last half figured out, where he would talk about everything he wanted to learn, but wasn’t quite sure which direction he wanted to go with the first part. As they walked to History of Magic Remus fell to the back of the group with Sirius.

“Sorry about your terrible family.” he said.

“S’okay.” Sirius murmured. “It’s not all bad.”

“If you ever want to talk about it or anything, I wouldn’t mind. My family isn’t like yours, but it’s not all good either. I might, I dunno… I might get it, a little.”

Sirius smiled at him. “I might take you up on that sometime.”

Remus bumped their arms together and walked on, not wanting to dwell in the awkward moment. He liked Sirius, and wanted to be good friends with him, so he had been nervous to have that little talk. But now the ball was out of his court, and as long as he could walk confidently next to Sirius until they got to class, Remus felt that he had made a good step towards getting closer to him. 

When they entered the History of Magic classroom, Remus was shocked to see a ghost writing on the chalkboard. All the students that were there already were whispering and pointing, so it seemed he wasn’t the only one. When class began Remus was able to get a good look at Professor Binns, and concluded that he was the same man his mom had told him about, only older and, well, dead. He couldn’t wait to tell her in the letter. The class was a little less exciting than his others, and Remus guessed that this one would be his least favorite. They finally learned about the play Dumbledore had mentioned the other night, though, and Remus was ready to absolutely dread it. First years were going to be the stars of the show, of course. They were going to re-enact all of the Goblin Rebellions, complete with props and costumes and sets, which were going to be put together by the older students. Meanwhile, first years had to immediately begin reading their textbooks and doing outside research, and were being tasked to put together scripts. 

Remus frantically wrote everything down. Each house was going to be responsible for one of the four major rebellions, which spanned over multiple centuries. Gryffindor was assigned the 1752 rebellion. As a group they had to decide who was going to play which role, as they all had to be an actor in the play. Then, they would need to work with each other to accurately write their character’s part in the play, until they had the entire rebellion written as a script. These were due by Halloween for Binns to review and edit, then the play would occur in late November, with each house performing their part one after the other for what the professors expected to be a two hour performance. That meant each house was supposed to be on stage for half an hour! Remus thought it sounded like an awful lot, and was not looking forward to working with the nearly one hundred other first years in his house. It was by far the largest group project he had ever been a part of. And, to top it all off, they would still be holding regular lessons and devoting most of class time to other topics, since they had more to cover than just the Goblin Rebellions. As if all that wasn’t enough pressure, at the end all professors that worked with students on the play were going to converse and choose which houses did the best and second best shows, and award them house points accordingly. 

As they walked to the dungeons for Potions, though, it quickly became clear to Remus that his friends were feeling a lot less disdain for the project than he was. James, for one, loved the idea, and Remus anticipated that by the end of the week he would personally be conducting their peers. They all agreed to meet at the library before class on Thursday to research their rebellion. Binns said that next class they would be given thirty minutes of class time to determine roles, but after that he wouldn’t give them class time to work for two weeks, so the group wanted to have as much information as they could about who all the characters were beforehand. 

It took them almost all of their fifteen minutes to get down to the Potions classroom. When they got there, Lily dragged Remus and Marlene over to where a boy with long black hair- like Sirius’s- was sitting alone. 

“Guys, this is my friend, Severus. Severus, this is Remus and this is Marlene.” They all said hi and sat down together at the bench. Class started promptly, and Remus quickly realised that Severus knew a lot about potions. When no one else could, he was able to answer all of Professor Slughorn’s questions, and ended up earning 20 points for Slytherin. They ended up only doing lecture, but Slughorn promised that most of the term would include hands-on work. He assigned a bit of reading, and asked that when they came in on Wednesday everyone was ready to brew Babbling Beverage on their own. Remus closed his notebook, tired and hungry. Dinner was to start in fifteen minutes, and he was ready for it. Severus walked with him and the other Gryffindors, talking mostly to Lily. When she went to introduce him to the other boys, though, he scoffed.

“Oh yes, I met Potter on the train ride in. It was a delightful time to be graced with his presence.” Remus sighed, not feeling up for the bickering he knew was coming.

“Severus, it was an accident! Get over it. We’re all hungry, and Lily was just trying to introduce us.” James seemed immediately irritated, and Remus got the feeling that he knew whatever he had said or done to Severus was mean, but had too much pride to apologise for it. 

“Whatever.” Severus answered.

In an effort to cut the silence, Lily continued with the introductions. Peter and Sirius both said hi, seeming conflicted about taking sides but clearly not wanting to rock the boat. Marlene managed to pull up a conversation about the castle ghosts that distracted everyone from the tension until they made it to the Great Hall and Severus peeled off for his house table. 

“Sorry about Severus.” She whispered to Remus and Marlene. “He has a lot of pride and anger. I don’t know what happened between him and James, but I don’t really care. I just hope they can get over it so we can all be friends.”

Remus nodded and Marlene gave her a hug, then they sat at the table and tucked into dinner under the warm candlelight of the Great Hall. 

An hour later they all mosied up to the Gryffindor common room. Marlene asked if anyone wanted to do homework together in the common room, but it was busy and Remus preferred a quiet workspace. Besides, he wanted to write his mom back first. They said goodnight and Remus followed Peter and Sirius up to the dorms, leaving James behind to talk to a second year about quidditch. Remus settled onto his bed to work, using one of his textbooks as a flat writing surface. He told his mom about everything that happened and everything he was excited for, then asked if she’d visit next Monday. He sealed the letter and tucked it into his bag, hoping he’d have time to send it off before lunch tomorrow. Then he found and did his Transfiguration and Potions readings, making sure to take notes in his book. Remus thought about starting his personal essay, but decided to save it for a day where he wasn’t so tired. He finished up instead by writing out his classes for each day in the back of his notebook, all in order. It took up a few pages, but was much easier to understand than the way it was written out on his schedule from that morning.

Remus was packing his books back into his bag and getting ready to pick out tomorrow's outfit when James spoke up, having come into the room when Remus was doing his readings and flopping onto his own bed. Remus glanced at the clock; it was nearly eight, and he was ready to sleep.

“Are you finished up, Remus?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank Merlin. I’m so sick of sitting here. Do you want to play a game of gobstones?”

“I think I’m going to go to bed, actually. I’m quite wiped out. Sorry, mate.” Sirius and Peter are watching the exchange.

“Oh, come on. It’s not even eight! You can’t be tired already.”

Sirius piped up, then. “I dunno, mate. He was up well before any of us.”

“I guess. But still, it’s too early to sleep. Eight is when old people go to bed. C’mon, Remus. One game.”

Peter shuffled his things off of his lap. “I’ll play. I’m sick of doing homework, too. Too much for the first day.”

“See?” James said to Remus. “Now we have a proper game, too. It’ll be even more fun.” 

Remus sighed. “I suppose.” He had let himself be talked into playing the last few nights, and had ended up having fun every time. 

“Well, that doesn’t seem very fair.” Sirius said, sitting upright on his bed, book in his lap.

“How do you mean?” Remus asked.

“I think since James bullied you into staying up and playing, he should have to wake up with you.”

James made a face. “I don’t think I should do that at all.”

Remus smiled. “I think that’s a great idea. I’ll play if you wake up at seven.”

“I’m not waking up at seven.”

“How about quarter past?” Sirius suggested.

James narrowed his eyes at Sirius. “Fine, but Sirius has to get up, too.”

“That’s fine.” Sirius breezed. “Then I’ll play. Wasn’t going to be able to focus with you lot making a ruckus anyways.”

Remus made a show of setting his alarm for quarter past seven, and Sirius followed him, setting his and the other two. James ignored them, setting up gobstones on the open floor by the door of their room instead.


	4. Chapter 4

The rest of the week Remus fell into an easy routine. James was miserable to wake Tuesday, but honored his promise and rolled out of his bed. Remus didn’t think he’d ask him to get up early ever again, though, ‘cause he whined about it the whole day. They had all their remaining courses except Flight, which Remus wasn’t looking forward to but didn’t have to worry about until Wednesday. That meant that there were only three classes on Tuesday, so Remus and his friends agreed to pass the spare time in the library studying Goblin Rebellions. They made more progress than he anticipated and left with a sturdy list of characters in order from ‘Lots of Lines’ to ‘Nameless Fighters’ and separated into Goblins and Wizards. Wednesday’s morning was the same as Monday’s, so it was calm waters for Remus until Flight, which was right after lunch and lasted an hour longer than their other classes.

Much to James and Sirius’s disappointment but Remus and Cecil’s delight, they didn’t so much as mount broomsticks the first week at all. Instead Madame Hooch showed them the lockers, the quidditch pitch, and the closest where supplies were kept, then they went over the magic behind broomsticks and the theory of it all. Cecil took to the subject well, excited to be able to fly. Remus felt that he could tolerate it, but would much rather not. 

Thursday was full of classes again, Astronomy and Charms, like Tuesday morning, then History of Magic and Potions, like Monday afternoon. As Remus guessed he would, James took charge of the history classroom immediately, Sirius acting as his right hand- literally- by keeping track of who was to be who on their long list until all 89 first year Gryffindors had been assigned a role in the play. Remus narrowly avoided playing a werewolf, who had apparently sided with the goblins in the 1752 rebellion, and instead was cast as a nameless goblin. The class agreed to meet within their smaller groups to start coming up with scripts, and everyone was charged with having their part written in two weeks, when Binns was going to give them time to work in class again. Then, they would do a read-through and make changes so that everyone’s parts lined up, and add in anything they forgot. Remus was downright impressed with the ease of it all, and told James and Sirius so on their way to Potions, where everyone eventually got their Babbling Beverage potions right. 

Ten minutes before the end of Potions, after everyone had bottled their mixes and cleaned up, Slughorn asked them to take a small swallow of their concoctions at the same time. There was a pregnant pause while the students waited to see if anyone’s potion would work, then Lily began giggling. As it was supposed to, her laugh caused a few more giggles around the room, and on it went until the entire class, Slytherins and Gryffindors alike, were laughing uncontrollably. Although he didn’t have any, Professor Slughorn was chuckling, too, as he walked through the benches taking note of who was laughing hardest and longest. The potion worked with Remus’s Mucus Mix rather well, and after a few minutes of laughing he dissolved into a terrible coughing fit. Although much of the class was still giggling, everyone had their eyes on him when Slughorn asked if he was alright.

“It’s just-” he wheezed, “my bronchiectasis! I’m okay!” Then a Gryffindor that Remus hadn’t met yet fell off his stool, and the class erupted into laughter again.

Friday was by far their easiest day. They only had two classes, the first one starting at 10:45. Remus slept until half past eight, then spent the morning in the library writing his personal essay with Cecil. They headed to Defense against the Dark Arts together, Cecil ate lunch at the Gryffindor table with Remus and his friends, then it was off to Flight. They ended the week with celebratory brownies from James’ mom and a long night of gobstones, although partway through the second game they changed up the rules quite a bit and none of them could keep straight how to play the rest of the night. 

Come Monday Remus was eager for his second week of classes, and breezed through the day. He was also excited to see his mom, who had agreed to floo in for the visit with McGonagall. When he was done with dinner Remus pushed his plate away and waited for a pause in the conversation to announce his leave. 

“Well, lads, I’m off.”

“Already?” Peter asked. “Are you headed to the tower?”

“No, I’m going to the hospital wing. My stuff has been acting up today, and I want to see if they have anything to help me get through the night.”

“Oh, I remember you having a fit on the way to Potions. Are you going to be okay?” James asked. 

“Oh yeah, I’ll be fine. It’ll just be easier with some medicine.”

“Do you know where the wing is?” Sirius asked.

“Yep!” Remus stepped over the bench and slung his bag over his shoulder. “See you guys later!”

He headed out of the Great Hall and made the walk to the infirmary quickly, scanning the halls for his mom the whole time. Remus took a big breath when he got to the giant doors, exhaling as he opened one. Inside his mom, McGonagall, and a lady in white robes stood by a bed talking and laughing. All three turned their heads when he stepped in, and his mom took steps forward to meet him. He hurried his pace towards her, all of the yearning he had felt over the last week pouring out of his heart and filling up his body. She bent down and wrapped her arms around him, then stood up and lifted him off the ground. 

“It’s so good to see you!” she beamed. “I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too.” He answered as he hugged her back. She set him down and held him at an arm's length. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in robes.” he commented, and she laughed.

“Yep, I do still have them, although they needed quite a bit of dusting off, I’ll admit. And, speaking of robes…” She began poking around in a bag that was slung behind her back. “I brought you these!” She pulled out a pair of dark grey pants. “They’re knickers! Back from the ‘20s, I think. See the buttons?” She held them up for Remus to see. The pants came up to about his waist and had pockets on both sides. The material was fairly thin and soft, and the pattern on it was subtle. It reminded him of a school teacher’s jacket. The best part, though, was the taper of the leg. As they looked weirdly skinny below the knee, and there were buttons running up both sides of the legs- Remus guessed so that someone could actually get them on. “Do you think you’d wear them?” his mom asked.

“I think so. You did a really good job, mom. They look totally new.”

“Thanks, honey. I know they’re a little different from today’s style, but I just had a feeling you wouldn’t care.” She smiled at him and handed over the pants, which Remus loosely folded and stuffed into his bag. “Now, we should stop being so rude!” They turned to face McGonagall and the matron, who had been politely waiting for them to finish their greeting. 

“Mr. Lupin,” McGonagall nodded at him, “how have your classes been?” 

“Good.” he answered, but he felt like he should say more, so he backed it up with “Very good.” Hope squeezed his shoulder. 

“That’s good to hear. Well, let’s get on with the evening, then.” she turned towards the matron. “This is Madame Pomfrey, our excellent resident healer. She will be your primary caretaker, as she is for all of the students here.”

“Hello, Remus. It’s nice to meet you.” Madame Pomfrey said, and held out her hand for Remus to shake, which he did. Her voice was light and high, and Remus imagined that she was good at singing.

“Nice to meet you, too.”

Madame Pomfrey was a thin woman, who looked exceptionally kind. She had crows feet around her eyes, and the beginning of a worry wrinkle on her forehead. Everything about her looked fair. Her hand was warm and soft. 

“Would you like to see the care room we set up for you?”

“Ooh,” his mom said. “Yes, please.”

“A care room for me?”

“Yessir. A little privacy for you while we doctor you up.”

“Oh.”

They walked together to the back of the wing, which was just a massive room lined with beds and tables. The back wall had four doors, which Pomfrey pointed out as an emergency private room, a supply room, her office and chambers, and Remus’s personal care room. Pomfrey opened the last door and the four of them shuffled inside. Remus was speechless when he saw the interior. The room was much larger than he expected, for one thing, but he was getting used to that. Standing in the doorway, the wall to Remus’s right had a beautiful ornate window, with the head of a bed directly underneath. The bed was much more plush than the ones in the main wing, and had a deep red blanket. On the left wall lined up with the foot of the bed was a tiny hearth with a warm, crackling fire inside. The walls and floor were stone, like most of the castle, but a big red rug radiated from under the bed. The ceiling was tall, too, which made the whole room seem larger. There was a cushy chair tucked between the bed and wall closest to him, and Remus could see a nightstand on the opposite side with candles on it. His favorite part, though, was the opposite wall. Wooden shelves lined the entire wall, and it was filled to the brim with books. 

Remus took everything in, then looked up to his mom. She had a hand over her mouth and her wide eyes were flowing with tears. He came over and hugged her waist, hating to see his mom cry, even if they were happy tears. Remus heard Pomfrey sniffle behind him, too, and he pushed down the urge to cry.

“This is too much.” he forced himself to say, even though his voice cracked. 

“No.” McGonagall said. “You’re going to be here more than you deserve to be, we all agreed on that. We wanted to make your time as enjoyable as possible.”

All Remus could think to do was shake his head. His mom stepped to where McGonagall was and wrapped her into a tight hug that Remus was surprised to see his professor immediately hug back. Hope beckoned Pomfrey in as well, who had been silently trying to keep up with the tears flowing down her cheeks, and she immediately threw her arms around the pair. Remus shuffled in too, and the women parted to let him in, two hands resting on his back as he squeezed his eyes, not able to keep the tears down anymore either. 

After they all collected themselves, sniffling and laughing, the women took turns pointing out the little details Remus had missed, or telling him where they had gotten the decor. The books were a mix of everything, novels to textbooks, and he was welcome to all of them. There was a small stereo under the nightstand with a drawer full of cassettes, and there was a hardboard that he could lay in his lap so he could work on homework in bed. There was even a drawer of pajamas under the bed. Remus sat on the bed at some point, and was happy to sink right into it. There was so much more than Remus ever expected, and all of it was so nice. 

“Thank you.” he said, looking at each of them. “ I feel like I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”

“Don’t even mention it.” Pomfrey said, waving her hand to swat his thanks away. Her mouth straightened out though, and she gave him a sadder look. “I’m afraid the other place we set up for you isn’t nearly as nice.”

“Oh, right.” Remus had almost forgotten.

“Shall we head there next?” McGonagall asked the group. They nodded and moved out of the little room. 

“Alright,” Pomfrey addressed them, taking charge. “So the night of you’ll come down here where I’ll be waiting for you. You can drop off your things in the room, and change if you want to. Then you and I will come this way.” She moved towards the other wall where a one-person door was. “This is the door I used to get students hurt on the quidditch pitch in, so we don’t have to go through the castle.” she explained. “So, we’ll pop out here,” and they all walked through the doorway and into the dusky lawn. “And make the walk around here.” They all walked for longer than Remus expected, right around the castle to where the Whomping Willow was swaying in the fall breeze. “Then comes the tricky bit. We’ve tried a few things to get this part right, and this is the best I’ve come up with so far. Minerva can get it right away, but I don’t want to drag her out here every time.” Pomfrey was talking to Hope now, who was nodding along. 

Then the matron pulled a wooden snake from her robes and laid it by her feet. She set the tip of her wand onto the head of the toy and spoke an incantation. Slowly, the snake began slithering towards the tree, picking up speed until Remus could no longer see it. Pomfrey leaned down by Remus so that their heads were level, then pointed to the base of the tree. “See that knot, at the bottom?” Remus nodded. “Watch it.” He did, and after a moment saw the wooden snake slither onto the knot. It coiled onto the bump, then lifted its top half up, and suddenly slammed its head onto the wood before it. Remus jumped, surprised by the violent action. “C’mon.” Pomfrey whispered, giving Remus a gentle push between his shoulders. 

“But-” he protested, remembering the beach ball.

McGonagall, who had taken a few steps forward, turned around quickly. “The tree can’t move right now, now hurry!”

Sensing the urgency, Remus did as he was told. He followed Pomfrey and McGonagall, and was glad when his mom came beside him and grabbed his hand. Together, they ran to where the snake was. He saw the nurse snatch the snake and clamber down a hole between the roots of the tree, which he hadn’t been able to see before. McGonagall beckoned for Remus to follow, and he slid down the hole. His mom followed, and just then he heard a massive whoosh. He jumped, and nearly cried out when he didn’t see his professor anywhere. He stopped himself when a cat rubbed against his leg. He looked down the passageway to see where it had come from, but only saw darkness. He looked back at the grey tabby, who walked to an empty space. Then, before his eyes, the tabby turned into McGonagall. Remus was stunned. Pomfrey chuckled behind him.

“Sorry to scare you, Remus.” McGonagall said. “I usually save that trick to surprise students during a lesson, but we didn’t move quick enough and I’m much more nimble in my feline form.”

Once again, Remus didn’t know what to say. Eventually he began asking questions, and they all began walking down the passageway by wandlight while Remus bounced queries off the women about the cat transformation and the Whomping Willow and anything else that came up. They eventually arrived at the end of the earthen hall, which concluded with a heavy door. Pomfrey opened it and crouched through, motioning for the others to follow. When Remus arrived on the other side, he was surprised by what he saw. He had been expecting a basement, like the one at home- especially since they had been traveling underground. But it seemed like they were in a house. 

“Where are we?” his mom asked.

“It’s an old, abandoned house on the edge of Hogsmead. Hogwarts bought it a long time ago, but it hasn’t served any use- well, until now.” McGonagall answered. “We’ve reinforced everything, magically and otherwise. I can assure you no one will get out or in. The exit we just used is the only one.”

“So, there’s a basement in the house that I’ll use?”

The women looked at him. “No, you’ll change here. We should take a look around. There’s a bedroom upstairs. I know it’s not nice, but…” Pomfrey trailed, unsure of what to make of the situation. Dumbstruck, Remus followed her up a set of stairs. The house was dusty, but seemed sturdy. It was partially furnished, as if when the old owner left they took only their favorite items and left everything else right where it was. The bedroom was similar, and in the growing night Remus found it eerie. He stepped closer to his mother. They went around the rest of the house that way, without talking much. He found that most of the appliances in the kitchen had been removed- McGonagall said it was for his safety. 

“I think there’s only one thing I would recommend adding.” Hope said once they had seen all of the rooms. “A while back we found that the wolf does better when he’s distracted. It might sound silly, but Remus and I have been reading a lot of dog training books recently, and trying to take tips from there. We know that the wolf doesn’t like being cooped up, and that he’s always hungry; This is obviously a much larger space then our basement, so I hope he’ll spend at least the first night exploring, and that he’ll like having more room to move around. Remus says he paces a lot back home.” She looked at Remus for correction, but he had none. “We’ve also been trying to feed him. Remus eats a lot before he transforms, hoping that the wolf will be full and less angry. It doesn’t work much. But about nine moons ago I started putting whole roasted rabbits and chickens in with him, so the wolf can eat, and that works for a while, I think.”

Remus nodded. “He wants food and out, mostly. When he doesn’t get them he gets mad, but since he’s locked up he can’t do anything about it. He blames the people whose scents he picks up, which is really only me and ma. But he can’t take it out on us, so he takes it out on himself. So, giving him some food distracts him and takes away some of the anger. It helps, a little.”

“We’ve tried toys and stuff, too. I transfigured a massive motor tire that he’s chewed on some. It’s not much, but every bite he puts into something else is a bite he doesn’t put into Remus.”

“I think we can make all of that work.” McGonagall said with a small smile. On their way back through the tunnel the group talked about how else they could fool the wolf. They decided to try lots of different things, like hiding food all around the house so he had to sniff it out and get to it or just supplying him with more food than he could possibly stomach. Pomfrey promised to put together a schedule of which method they would try each month, and her and Remus would record how well each one worked. Remus felt hope and love swell within him. He was surrounded by people that were eager and willing to go out of their way to help him during his transformations; Aside from his mother, he never thought he would meet anyone that was even willing to tolerate knowing what he was, nevertheless accepting the whole condition. He especially never thought that people would be preparing unthinkable feasts of whole rabbits to keep the raging beast inside of him well fed. 

Remus was sad to say goodbye to his mom back in the hospital wing. He left feeling heavy and tired, both in his heart and his body. He and McGonagall barely talked as she escorted him to the Gryffindor tower. When Remus climbed through the portrait hole at half past nine, he couldn’t decide if he was pleased or annoyed to see his roommates at a table in the common room. He thought he might walk right past them without being noticed, but no such luck. Sirius called him over, pulling out an empty seat for him to take, which he gratefully did. 

“Alright?” he asked. His eyes were penetrated with worry and his voice laced with concern. The other two were looking at him as well. Remus decided then that he was truly grateful to have the roommates he did, and dispelled any aggravation he had been feeling towards them. He took a deep breath, ready for an emotional restart of their friendships, and felt lighter.

“Yeah, I’m alright.”

Two weeks later Remus spent the whole day coughing like a dying man, with two gulps of Mucus Mix in his system. His first transformation at Hogwarts was that night, so he needed to convince his peers that he was so sick only a night and subsequent day in the hospital wing would be enough to quell his illness. It worked like a charm. His friends walked with him to the dorms after dinner where his roommates gathered pajamas and even his pillow, then carried it to the hospital wing as they escorted him there. Pomfrey hadn’t been expecting so many people with Remus, but made a good show of fussing over him as though she hadn’t been waiting for him all evening. Remus waved off his friends, who promised to come check on him before classes in the morning. When they left Remus and Pomfrey chuckled over the performance they put on and made their way to his private room, where they sat and chatted to pass time until they needed to trek towards Hogsmead. 

Shy of an hour later, Remus sat naked in the living room of the old house. Madame Pomfrey was safely stowed behind the passage door, which Remus heard locked and charmed. The smell of roast wafted gently through the air, since hours before she had come through the house and tucked pieces of meat into easy to reach hiding places. They agreed that it would be wise to make the wolf’s experience of this new place as pleasant as possible, and that food would be the best way to do so. They hoped that exploring the two levels and finding the snacks would take him most of his transformation, and that Remus would come out of the night relatively unscathed. 

When he felt the first pinpricks of the transformation, Remus lied on the floor. He screamed the whole time, as he always did, encased in pain that he couldn’t even reimagine once he was human again. He felt his skin grow hair, his bones lengthen and shorten, his organs crawl to their new places. Remus was shifted to the back of his own mind and forced to watch as the wolf assumed control. It quickly became clear to Remus that their plan was working. After the wolf recovered from the pain, he began running through the house looking for exits and other people and exploring the smells. He found the first piece of meat after he had run through the house twice, then spent much of the night sniffing out the rest. Pomfrey had said there were twenty-nine pieces to find, and Remus counted each one, dreading the moment there were no more. When the wolf realised he was out of food he became upset, as Remus guessed he would. He became extremely interested in the doors, since that’s where the scent trails all ended, and when the transformation began the wolf stood in front of the passageway.

Remus awoke to something hitting his leg. He moaned, his leg already aching, and focused on the pain that radiated from the spot he was bumped. The thing that had touched him came back gently, then pushed him. Remus moaned again as he slid on the hardwood floor. Madame Pomfrey was there, then, apologising to him. Then his mom was there, too, and Remus fell asleep. 

The next time he woke up Remus was in his private room in the infirmary. He looked around with his eyes only, blinking in the soft light. There was movement to his left, so he slowly turned his stiff neck to see. His mom was sitting in the plush chair, holding a book in one hand and a mug in the other. She flicked her eyes up to him, and set her book and drink on the floor when she realised he was awake. 

“How do you feel, honey?”

Instead of answering right away Remus started moving parts of his body, one by one. He started with toes and moved up his legs and torso, then went from his fingertips to his head. “Alright, actually. Sore from transformation, but otherwise I think I’m okay. The wolf ate the food. He only scratched at the door a lot and hit it a few times, but he didn’t hurt himself.”

“That’s what we guessed. You looked good, only some bruises. We put some salve on them, they might already be healed.” She was smiling.

“What time is it?”

“About one in the afternoon.”

“Time to get up then?”

“It might be best.”

Remus nodded. He knew the routine from here. He and his mom would stretch, then he would eat a big meal. After that it would be homework he had missed, then dinner, then a shower. After that he would be pretty ready for bed, and tomorrow he would almost feel like himself. The afternoon went exactly like that, until dinner. His mom left and Pomfrey discharged him, leaving Remus to walk to the Great Hall. His friend’s faces lit up when they saw him, and they graciously made room for him at the table. He was peppered with worried questions, but they eventually let them go after Remus told them to expect episodes like that frequently. Apparently everyone had come down to visit him at breakfast, but Pomfrey had shooed them all away, only telling him that he was “getting better.”

“It was terrible, though!” Lily cried. “She didn’t tell us what you were better from. We didn’t know if you had gotten worse or not, ‘cause you had been going downhill all day, and she wouldn’t tell us when she thought you would come out, either!”

Remus reassured her that he was fine, and thanked them all for visiting. After that, they finished dinner like normal, and walked up to the tower together. Remus peeled off to shower while everyone else did homework, since he knew he needed one and he had already done all of his schoolwork anyways. When he wanted to go to bed at eight no one gave him any grief, instead promising to keep quiet and wishing him a good night’s sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

The boys were headed to the library to do research for the play the next day when Remus split off from his friends to find the bathroom. After two and a half hours of Flight class he had to go bad, and the changing room stalls had been full. He waved them on and ran in, coming out feeling much better minutes later. Thinking it had been nice out all afternoon, Remus decided to take the outside route to a side entrance that would put him right by the library. He was walking along the path, admiring the fall colors of the forest trees when he saw the Giant. Remus had seen him around a few times already and determined that he wasn’t dangerous, just big. Remus watched as he plopped a wagon down in front of a cabin at the edge of the lawn, then wiped his hands and moved to the side of the wagon to start unloading the boxes. Remus kept on, turning around the castle. Suddenly, the Giant looked up and spotted Remus, then started waving at him. Remus looked around but saw he was the only one the Giant could possibly be waving to. He stopped. 

“Me?” he mouthed, gesturing to himself. The Giant nodded. Remus reluctantly began walking down the lawn to where the Giant was. 

“Thanks fer coming down.” The Giant said when Remus got there. His voice boomed and he had a thick accent. Remus guessed he was at least twice as tall as a regular person. Now that he was up close he could see that the man had a large, friendly face with a nose the size of Remus’s fist. He wore a massive ratty coat and clothes, and his huge hands looked like they were familiar with work.

“No problem.” Remus answered.

“I jus’ need a bit uh help. See that there lock?” He pointed one of his sausage fingers at a lock on one of the boxes. It was set into the box. “I have tha key, but meh hands are too big to unlock it. Could you use one ah yer wee hands to get to it?” He handed Remus a key that looked like a toothpick in his hand, but Remus found it was a regular key when he took it. He unlocked the box and looked up at the Giant. “There’s jus’ three more, wouldya mind?” 

“Nope.” Remus answered and followed the Giant as he pointed out the other locks. 

“Thanks so much, lil’ Gryffindor. Whaschyer name?”

“I’m Remus.”

“Thanks, Remus. I’m Hagrid, keeper of keys an’ grounds at Hogwarts.” He gave Remus a warm smile, which Remus gladly returned. 

“What do you have?”

“Oh, I got a small herd ah mooncalves in here.”

“Mooncalves? What are those?”

“Therr little beasties with long necks an’ big eyes. I’ll show ya when I get this blasted door open. We got permission to bring ‘em into the forest here. Their, ah, dung makes real nice fertilizer for magic plants if you harvest it before tha sun rises. See?” Hagrid opened one of the doors and Remus peaked into the cage. There were about six weird animals like Hagrid described, with grey fur and pink webbed feet, all cuddled up and sleeping soundly. They had tiny mouths and eyes the size of teacups. Looking at the strange creatures Remus wondered if his eyes were just as large. Hagrid gently closed the door. “Thanks again fer helpin’ me. Let me pay ya back. I have some cookies I made las’ night. Therr pretzel an’ butterscotch. I’ll grab ya one.”

“Oh, that’s okay.”

“Nah, I’ll jus’ be a second.” He stomped off to the front door of his cabin and slipped inside. Remus stood by the wagon, looking at his cozy home. He wondered if the mooncalves would do well on Hogwarts grounds. Hagrid came out with a cookie the size of Remus’s head in one hand and another that he was eating. “Here ya go.”

“Thanks, Hagrid. Let me know if you ever need help again. I’d be interested in knowing how the mooncalves get on.”

“Well, yer more than welcome to come down any time. Jus’ knock on tha door. If I’m there, I’ll answer. I love company, ‘specially from an upstandin’ lil’ Gryffindor like yerself.”

“Thanks.”

“Alright, well, off yer pop. You were runnin’ off somewhere before, I won’t hold ya from it any longer. Thanks again!”

Remus waved back to Hagrid before heading back up to the castle. He took a bite from his cookie, which was buttery and perfect, and ran to the library. There he broke it into pieces and shared it with his friends while he told them about Hagrid and the mooncalves. When the librarian poked her head around they quieted up, turning to the books at hand instead. Remus alternated between studying and snacking, occasionally breaking a bit off to nibble while flipping pages. Across from him Peter sucked on the end of his quill while reading, the notebook next to him almost empty. James liked to make notes into his books, then stuff any parchments with lecture notes on them between the pages. Remus figured it was better than not taking any notes, but he found the method revolting. Next to him, Sirius took diligent notes in a large, flat notebook. When Remus would take a minute or two break from studying and look around, he found that he enjoyed watching Sirius write in his loopy, elegant manner- plus, he was writing notes, so it was like subliminal studying. Sirius had teased him about it before, saying that if Remus needed to copy notes he would just let him, but since Remus confessed that he found his writing soothing to watch, Sirius would do no more than give him the occasional small smile. 

As the afternoon crept on Remus could feel that even he was getting distracted, not wanting to do work anymore. James’ notes were getting scribblier, and Peter had fallen asleep about half past five. Remus finished his chapter and closed the book.

“I think that’s enough for today, don’t you?” he asked the table. James nudged Peter awake. 

“I think you’re right. Pete, c’mon. We’re headed down to dinner.” They packed up and ambled down to the Great Hall where they all enjoyed pot roast and potatoes. On their way back to the dorm, James looked around the near empty hall and Remus saw him smile.

“Alright, lads. We need to talk about the play.”

“James, mate, not to pop your balloon, but we’ve done almost nothing but talk about or work on the play today.” Peter pointed out.

“Yeah, but that was normal stuff. I want to talk about… something extra.” James wiggled his eyebrows. 

“Like what?”

“I’m not sure yet. 

“Oh.”

“Why?”

“Because whoever has the best play gets a fat load of house points, that’s why. And wouldn’t it just feel good to know that you did something really awesome?”

“I like where this is going, Potter.” Sirius was grinning now, too. “So, then. Let’s brainstorm.”

Remus grabbed his notebook and flipped to the History of Magic section, falling behind the group so that he could blindly follow them while he wrote in his book.

Sirius continued, “We have our script made and turned into Binns early to review it. So, we know who’s in which parts and we know what the plot is. That’s pretty helpful. We’ve also heard from students and teachers what the other years are doing to help.”

“Oh, yeah.” Peter said. “Weren’t the sixth years brewing something?”

“Yes, but let’s go in order. Remus is taking notes, let’s not mess him up.”

“First years are doing the acting, then.” Peter said.

“Second years were in charge of effects and lighting, I think. And third years were transfiguring props and some costume bits.” James added.

“Right. I think fourth and fifth years are both working on the set. Ringsquirm.”

“Really?” James asked as he walked through the portrait hole, bringing his voice down. “I thought fifth years were doing something else?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Huh. Then, the sixth years are brewing that potion, like Peter said, to give all the students playing goblins pointy features.”

“Which is wicked, by the way.”

“And seventh years were going to control the tunnels, right?”

“Oh, yeah! I’m so excited for that. We’ll get to pop up out of the ground like actual goblins!”

“I hope none of the other houses have thought of doing that.”

“Okay,” Remus spoke up, having written everything down. “So we have all this stuff. I think we should brainstorm ways to fill in the gaps. Like, figure out what we don’t have covered here and see if the four of us are able to work out how to do it.”

“That sounds pretty good.” James said. “So, what’s not covered?”

The boys finished their trip up to the dorms in quiet thought. Sirius started throwing ideas out first, and soon enough all four of them were coming up with stunts until Remus had three pages of notes on the whole operation. They agreed not to consult any teachers unless they had to, so they had free rein and got to surprise the professors. By the end of the night the only idea they had worth sticking with was to find a spell that would make fake blood pour from their wands, that way they could make the fighting scenes extra realistic. It wasn’t the big ta-da moment that James wanted, so they were all tasked with coming up with a good idea by the next night. James reminded them that it was already mid October, so they had less than two months to come up with a great idea, research it, practice it, and line everything up to execute it perfectly, making time their ‘most valuable asset’.

After he changed into pajamas, Remus grabbed a small booklet from his shelf and sat on his bed with a pencil. Bishop squeaked and flew down to sit on Remus, licking his ear. Remus opened the booklet and began scanning its pages.

“Whatcha got, Remus?” Peter asked.

“It’s a book catalogue.” He looked up at Peter, who shrugged. “It’s for a magical by-mail library. My aunts got me a subscription when I was a baby. They give you this catalogue, which lists all of their current books. When you want one you put a mark by the book you want and they owl it to you.”

“That’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah. I’m just going to check if they have something that might help us with the fake blood.”

“Smart.”

“Thanks.”

Remus found two books and checked them both, one for Halloween spells and one for pranking spells. Then he bid Bishop a good night and set him on the windowsill, and called goodnight to his friends before closing his bed curtains. 

Three days later, on Saturday, the boys were no closer to their great idea for the play and James was anxious to at least figure out the blood spell. He had spent the rest of the week hounding them to come up with ideas, or whining about not being able to find any spells they could use. When he would act up Remus would redirect the conversation to quidditch, which was easy since the first Hogwarts game was that weekend. Remus was looking forward to not going, but Madame Hooch had assigned them all to attend and take notes. Now that they were flying she wanted to teach them the game, and so far they were a sorry lot aside from James. So Remus already wasn’t looking forward to waking at a set time on his weekend, but being woken up at seven made it downright dreadful. Remus rolled back into his covers with a groan, noticing the dim clouds in the sky and the chilly air pouring into their room. Remus checked to see if Bishop was in and gratefully closed the window, then crawled to the other side of his bed to crank up the stove. 

James was awake and alert- which was odd in itself- and was being more annoying than usual. The trio dragged Remus down to breakfast and put warm food on his plate, and Sirius even produced a thermos that he filled with hot tea and honey for him to take onto the pitch. Remus was buttering a biscuit when the post owls began flying through. Remus was too tired to care, figuring James would be on lookout for the books if they came. He was spot on, and didn’t flinch at all when James jumped up to catch the package headed right for him. James handed a book to Sirius and Peter and kept one for him and Remus, all four of them hunching over to inspect the contents. They flipped through the pages as quickly as they could while still reading, whispering to one another as they went. It didn’t take long for Remus to realise he should not have let James or Sirius read either of the books. 

“Bloody hell, look at that one! That’s great, it is! I’m going to ask for this book for Christmas.” James had a smile on his face as he came across more and more mischievous spells. 

Sirius looked up from his book to see what James was leaning over the table to show him. They were snickering when Peter began whisper-shouting. “Guys! Guys, I found it! Look!” All four crowded over the table to see the book. “Look, it says- how do you say that?”

“Fousangisum.” Remus answered. “I think.”

“It looks easy enough. Look, it has one star of difficulty. And the movement is simple, too. And it says you just squeeze your wand when you want the blood to come out! Oh, that’s perfect! Then we can have control and only do it when we stab or slice someone!”

“Nice find, Pete! And good thinking with the book, Remus.”

“Thanks.” They chimed back.

Sirius looked at his watch “Look at that.” he said. “And we found it with plenty of spare time. You know what? I’m going to run off real quick and I’ll meet you guys at the pitch? Then after the game we can all go up and practice.”

James scoffed. “Come on, mate. Again? But we just found the spell! Where do you keep going off to?”

But Sirius was already jogging away, spinning around to call back “Sounds great, guys! See you then!” Then he was off, walking out of the hall.

James grumbled. “I hate it when he does that.”

Neither Remus or Peter knew what to say so they sat quietly, finishing their mugs and plates. It wasn’t long before he rounded them up to head down to the quidditch pitch and up all the stairs to the spector’s seats where James set them up in the front row. Almost no one else was up there with them, and Remus was not happy about it. James explained that they needed to get up early to get good seats, then started a Shakesperian monologue about quidditch. Peter took Remus’s wand when he threw a weak hex at James. 

A while later Sirius plopped down next to them. “Alright?” he asked.

“I dunno, Sirius. Are you alright? That’s like the dozenth time you’ve just walked off on us. What’s going on?” All three of them stared at Sirius.

“It’s nothing, I-”

“Then tell us if it’s nothing!” James threw his arms up as he said it, but kept quiet to not make a scene for the few people starting to fill out the stands. He was facing Sirius head-on, his hands in his lap and his brow creased with worry.

“It’s a surprise!” Sirius said back, equally as soft. “I’m looking for something. When I find it, you lot will be the first to know.”

James was quiet, his eyes trained on Sirius.

“So this doesn’t have anything to do with your horrible family?”

“Well, I didn’t say that. But, I guess- no, it really doesn’t. No, this is just something I want to find- for me. And for us.”

James watched him for another moment, waiting for a crack or clue. When none came he let out his breath. “Alright, fine. As long as you aren’t sneaking off to perform evil acts for your awful cousins or anything. Then I guess it’s fine.” James turned to look over the pitch. Sirius gave James a bump with his shoulder.

“Everything’s fine. Now, let’s talk about this game.”

Soon the stands began filling up, the people around them bustling with excitement. At some point Sirius had stashed his pockets full of pastries and charmed them to keep warm, like a tiny oven. He did the charm on Remus and Peter’s pockets for their hands, and doled out an alarmingly steady supply of pastries. By the time the game started Remus was feeling warmer and fuller, and much more willing to take interest in the game before him. It was Hufflepuff verses Slytherin, the former of which had won the house cup last year, James informed them. When the quaffle went up everyone zoomed into action, and it was so fast Remus felt like he could barely keep up. He was trying to watch the quaffle as it moved from person to person, and the bludgers, and keep an eye on the seekers to see if either had glimpsed the snitch. He got into it all pretty quickly and found that he liked watching the game. When the snitch finally arrived the score was 70 for Hufflepuff and 40 for Slytherin, which made Remus think both teams must have good keepers, since those numbers seemed low to him. In a flash Hufflepuff’s seeker snatched the snitch and Hufflepuff fans rushed the field, leaving nothing left to do but go inside and wait in the Great Hall for lunch, which Remus wasn’t very hungry for after all the snacking he did during the game. Remus kept his eyes open for Cecil, since it was his first game too and he had been excited for it, but Remus couldn’t see him in the massive crowd of energetic Hufflepuffs. 

After lunch the boys went up to the dorm, their excitement about the game channeled into excitement about their mischievous plans. Once Remus determined for sure that the fake blood would wash off, the boys took turns attempting the spell. The movement was easy, like an L that had turned on its side. The tricky bit was trying to get the speed and intensity of the movement right, and figuring out the exact right way to say it. Right off the bat they had success. James tried first, getting a violent spurt from his wand, but when he went to squeeze to make it happen again it was all dried up. Sirius went next, using less force, which resulted in a weak dribble instead of a spurt. Peter tried, having a similar experience as James, just a little weaker. Remus went last, trying to pool his magic beforehand like he was learning to do. He stood before the wall, took a deep breath, gathered his magic, thought of what he wanted, then imagined taking a small cup of that magic and pouring it into his wand right before he did the movement and said the spell with a calm, firm voice. Fake blood shot from his wand for just a moment, then stopped. Remus smiled, but stayed focused. He squeezed his wand and was happy to see the fake blood again. He was able to do it once more before the cheering got him too distracted.

After that it was just a matter of replicating the right word and movement, and focusing their magic. In classes they hadn’t needed to do any spell that required being sustained in an inactive state- something none of them had considered. It was hard to find the balance between thinking about the spell enough to keep it going without overthinking it and fumbling. Once they had all done it a few times they decided to turn in. After a clean-up spell that Peter had learned from his mom, which he promised to teach Remus after dinner, they all spread out to do some homework. James plopped onto his bed to do his while Peter spread everything out onto his dresser. Sirius and Remus packed up, Sirius heading down to the common room and Remus to the library. Bishop flew down from the ceiling and nuzzled Remus until he opened his jumper for Bishop to crawl into. Then he bid the other boys goodbye and made the decent, agreeing to meet them for dinner at six. 

As he clacked his way through the near-empty corridors Remus thought about how lucky he was to be at Hogwarts, to be sorted into Gryffindor, and to have the roommates he did. He thought of his mom back home and how much he loved her. He reminisced on how much he missed his old room, but not so bad that it made him resent his dorm. When Bishop squeaked he thought about his Aunts, and about raising the bat from infancy. Bishop was raised to be his friend, but also his familiar if he was able to learn magic. He remembered how many nights he had lied in bed and thought while he listened to Bishop squeak, wondering if he would get to go to Hogwarts. And now, Remus thought, he was walking the halls without a care in the world except homework and dinner plans with friends.


	6. Chapter 6

Remus tugged at his tight suit vest as he walked with Peter and James, who were talking about the next quidditch game. It was funnier, though, because James was dressed as famous Quidditch player for the Caerphilly Catapults; Dai Llewellyn, and he was layering facts about the Hogwarts teams onto Peter, who looked like a short, fat owl. Sirius was nowhere to be found, having gone off over an hour before to snoop around the castle alone. Remus could only imagine how hard it would be to stifle his laughs if Sirius was there, too, considering he was dressed as magical opera singer Dahlia Fleur-Peri. Remus himself was in the vintage pants his mom had brought him a few weeks back, along with a couple other pieces that she had found and fixed up for him so that he could be a man from the 1920’s. He spent all day calling people dapper and telling his friends he had to iron his shoelaces whenever he went to the bathroom, which he had found rather enjoyable. 

Now, they were headed down to dinner, each of the boys with small sacks stuffed in their pockets, which they charmed to make larger on the inside. It had been their homework last week in Charms class, and of course James had already thought of a way to use it for mischief. During the Halloween feast they planned on smuggling as many candy, sweets, and snacks as they could from the table to bring back to the dorm for later. All day Remus had been feeling the strangeness of knowing he wouldn’t be trick-or-treating, but the four of them had made plans with friends instead; After dinner Lily and Marlene, along with one of their roomates, Cecil, and Severus were all supposed to go up to their dorm to share the bags of goodies and play games. Almost two months into school, Remus was excited to be able to spend time with the people he considered his close friends, and especially all at once. Lily and Severus didn’t seem to enjoy his roommates too much, but everyone got along well enough. 

First, though, they got to stuff themselves silly with dinner and sneak enough dessert to fill nine bellies up the rest of the way. The three of them squeezed into the Gryffindor table where Sirius was waiting. The Great Hall was deafening. Remus didn’t think this many students had come for dinner at the same time since the Sorting Ceremony. It was a Sunday, so everyone had been lazing around waiting for the feast all day, and now that it was here it seemed the excitement was tangible. With so much going on, Remus wondered if it would be easier than he thought to steal food. At six, when all of the tables were bursting with students, Dumbledore stood before them all. Everyone erupted into laughter when he got before his podium, and Remus couldn’t help from doing so, either. Dumbledore was dressed as a giant flobberworm, with a tail that dragged behind him and everything. Above the other laughter, Remus could hear Hagrid all the way from the head table, and when he looked up he could see Hagrid with tears rolling down his face, laughing a jolly laugh so hard Remus wasn’t sure he could breath. 

Once the noise died down a bit Dumbledore addressed the room. “Thank you, thank you. I will take all of that as praise that you are enjoying my Halloween costume, as I am enjoying many of yours. I was kindly reminded that I forgot to conduct us in singing the school song at the Sorting Ceremony. Since it seems that many of us are here tonight, I thought it would be a good time to make up for our loss. Now,” Dumbledore moved a flobberworm arm and a giant ribbon shot from his wand to hover above the Hall, “I think we should stick with the Halloween spirit and everyone sing with the voice of their costume. Off we go!”

Remus panicked, having no idea what the school song was or what the words were. To his relief, the banner moved to spell the words out, but Remus still didn’t know the tune. It came apparent to him rather quickly, though, that no one knew the tune, and those who were singing were either making something up or following what someone nearby was doing. Remus joined in with James, as did Peter, while Sirius sang his best operatic version. When they all finished Dumbledore gave everyone a round of applause, which led to a chorus of giggling since it made his entire costume jiggle. Then the plates turned over and food galore was before them, and everyone dug in.

As he had thought it would be, sneaking food was a breeze. Remus kept the sack in his lap and because it was so thick with arms all around him, he figured no one would see it for more than a second if they looked. Then it was just a matter of pushing things off the edge of his plate as he ate, and voila. The bag was so heavy in his pocket by the time he left he was glad to be wearing suspenders. The boys picked up Lily, Marlene, and Dorcus at the table, then waved over Cecil and Severus from their house tables. The group of them headed up to the tower together, along with a crowd of other students. All around them students- and mostly older ones- laughed and jostled along their path. When they got to the portrait there was no need for any of them to say the password, since a consistent line of people were going in. As soon as they walked in, they all realised why; A massive Halloween party was being held in the common room. Music was pumping through the room, an odd smelling smoke wafted into the ceiling, and a sea of jumping, swaying, yelling, drinking young adults stood between them and the stairwell. 

Remus took everything in, immediately disliking the scene. Beside him, Lily grabbed his sleeve, and he turned to her to see that she and the other girls had made a chain. The other boys were looking around with faces ranging from disgusted to shocked. They were jostled by students coming in, and Remus was realising that many of them were already drunk. He thought of his father and of nights when Remus and his mom would visit Auntie’s Pans and Lin and stay the night, and of how rambunctiously loud dinner had been. Seeing that everyone else was as stuck as he was, watching the situation unfold like a movie, he started marching ahead, intending to make it to his quiet bed as quickly as possible. The string of girls filed behind him, and the boys behind them and as a group they slithered through the crowd. Being so much shorter than the teenagers around him, Remus got people to move by stepping on their feet or just ramming past people with his arms up. Finally, they broke through, and ran up the stairs. They still had to pass an alarming number of people up, but soon they were slamming the door behind them, giving one another verbal looks. 

“Well, I certainly didn’t expect that.” said Marlene, brushing hair from her face. She readjusted the wings of her phoenix costume, then decided to take them off instead. 

“Me either. Thanks for getting us through, Remus.” James said, giving him a clap on his shoulder.

“No problem.” He answered, falling appreciatively onto his bed.

“So, you guys hadn’t heard that the Gryffindors were throwing a massive party? Like, at all?” Cecil asked, looking serious in his Doctor Who getup.

Peter looked at his roommates before answering “Not at all.”

“Huh.” was all Cecil replied. 

“Well, now that we’ve made it through that mess, shall we get the evening started?” Sirius transfigured a mint tin into a large bowl and dumped his bag full of sweets into it. The others followed his lead, then pulled their pillows and blankets from their beds and onto the floor in front of the door, where there was enough room for everyone to sit in a circle. Everyone helped them transfigure clothes into more cushions and they brought the bowls of snacks over. Remus sat between Cecil and Marlene, grabbing a pillow to hug against his chest. He leaned over and met Dorcas, who was on the other side of Marlene. Her and Lily had said that Dorcas hadn’t said much to them or their other roommate at all until last week when she started opening up to them. She was dressed as the Greek goddess Athena, with a silvery purple dress and gold braided into her dark hair. She had glittery silver painted around her eyes and on her plump lips. They shook hands and smiled at each other, and Remus thought she didn’t seem so bad. When she looked away her face settled, and Remus remembered that Lily had said she was kind of intimidating- he understood immediately. 

He looked away before she caught him staring, excited to know more about her. Lily and Peter had struck up a conversation about movies that he was interested in jumping into, and it seemed Severus was, too. James and Sirius were listening intently, clearly confused. 

“Excuse me,” Sirius interjected, putting his hand up and commanding attention. “What in Merlin’s shorts are you talking about? Are these muggle plays?”

“Uh, kinda.” Peter answered. Remus smiled. “They’re like shows that you watch at a theater or on the telly- wait, do you know what television is?”

“No.” James and Sirius answered simultaneously. Remus saw Marlene shake her head. Dorcas was watching with interest, but Remus couldn’t tell if she knew what movies were or not. 

“Oh. It’s like a box that you keep in your house, and there’s, uh, there’s a screen on the front. And buttons. And people use cameras to record stuff, like shows and movies and concerts, and then they transmit them to your telly where you can watch it on your screen.”

“So, like a puppet show?” Sirius asked.

“Uh, no. Well, yes.” Peter looked at Lily, Cecil, and Remus for help. Cecil came to his aid.

“Imagine someone has a camera, except that it takes a really long picture that shows people moving around a stuff, and you can hear what they say and everything.”

“Like a photo with sound?” James asked, clearly thinking of wizard photos. 

“Exactly, but longer, and with sound.”

“Okay.”

“So, we call that a video. Then people set up plays, except that they have no audiences. Instead, they have cameramen that are taking videos, and they record the play.”

“So then it is like a play!” Sirius exclaimed.

“Well, let me finish. They record the whole play. That’s called a movie. Or they can have a play that is cut up into small pieces and they only release one part of the play at a time. That’s called a show. Then you can’t see the whole thing at once, you have to wait for the next part to come out.”

“Or,” Lily interjected, “A show can be like a game show.”

“A game show?” James seemed interested.

“Yeah, you have a host and they bring people on to play some game, which they record as a video.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, I don’t know.”

“Wait,” Sirius spoke up, “Let’s finish figuring out this whole thing, then can we come back to the game shows?”

“Sure.” Cecil took charge again. Remus saw that Severus was trying to hide a smile, like he was. “So they make the video, then they bring it to either a movie theater or a broadcaster. A movie theater is like a theater for a play, but instead of a stage there’s a big screen that they project the movie onto. A broadcaster is this building with lots of antennas. They somehow take the shows and send them onto certain wavelengths in the atmosphere. Then your telly at home, the box that Peter described, has antennas as well, and using the buttons you can pick which wavelength to tune into, then you can watch the show.”

“That’s wild!” Marlene was grinning. “Can we watch one?”

“I wish!” Cecil answered. “They won’t let any muggle tech like tellies into Hogwarts. And I doubt there’s a movie theater in Hogsmeade or anything.”

“That’s a bummer. Maybe I can get my family to go over winter term.” 

“Wait, Pete,” James interjected, “How do you know about this stuff? I thought your family was all magic?”

“Oh, they are. But my oldest sister has always been really interested in muggles. She uses tons of muggle stuff and uses their money and everything. She got a telly a while back and takes us to movies and stuff.”

“That’s wicked.” 

“Hold on, we never finished talking about the game shows.”

Lily jumped into explaining her family’s favorite game show, Ask the Family, talking about how she had always wanted to go on it. They decided to jump up and play it themselves, appointing Lily as the host since she knew how the game worked best. They split up into two teams of four, with James, Remus, Dorcas, and Severus on one side and the rest on the other. They played for a full hour before it dissolved into madness, with Lily coming up with questions similar to the real game but tweaked since they obviously weren’t families and half of them knew nothing of muggle life. Dorcas even transfigured a big black board and chalk to help her do some of the games and keep track of the score. Everyone got really into it, and by the end they were shouting their answers and jumping up and down. Cecil proved to be mean competition and gave them a run for their candy, but Severus was a valuable member when it came to the puzzles and James downright refused to lose, so they won. The other team was banned from the sweets for half an hour as a result, which they took well. 

They talked about the feasibility of doing a massive game show with the whole school for a while, and even came up with half of a decent idea that Remus decided he would write down. He scootched away from the group to his dresser, where he pulled out his notebook and quill and began scribbling. Bishop flew down to greet him, snuggling under his ear. Once he got their idea written down Remus crawled over his bed and back to the group. Suddenly, Lily let out a short scream, and everyone fell silent. 

“Remus Lupin!” she screeched, pointing at him and scooting away. “Why is there a bat on your neck?! Is it biting you?” She reached Severus and got behind him. He put an arm out to cover her but didn’t seem particularly concerned himself.

“Oh! No, no, no. This is Bishop. He’s kinda like my familiar. We’re, uh, bonded. He doesn’t bite me.” 

Peter leaned over to her and Severus and murmured “I almost did the same thing when he came out the first time, don’t worry.” Lily relaxed a little. 

“Your familiar?” Dorcas asked. “I thought those were proven as a myth?”

“Yeah,” James piped up. “I’ve been dying to ask. We aren’t allowed to bring bats as pets. How come you have one?”

Remus felt a small blush on his face, being the center of attention. He brought a hand up to Bishop to give him a scritch. “My aunt, she’s a magical biologist. She specializes in bats.”

“But bat’s aren’t magic.” Severus said. 

“Well, that’s what she studies. Her and her team are building a report that would prove otherwise. Bats are already associated with the Dark Arts and such, right? And what’s with the strong associations with vampires and bats? My aunt thinks that many species of bats actually use magic in subtle ways that make them nearly undetectable. She thinks that they use their echo-location in tandem with magic in order to find their foods, and she thinks that they also might have some psychic abilities that help the females decide when to get pregnant.”

“Huh. That’s pretty neat.” 

“But how do you have one?”

“And how are you ‘bonded’?”

“Bishop’s mom passed while giving birth, so my Auntie took charge of his life. She set it up for me to be his caretaker, though, and I raised him. That’s when I was seven. Somehow, he and I bonded. My Auntie studies it. She isn’t quite sure what happened. She thinks that usually the colony bonds together through magic, which helps them stay together and understand the state of the colony. And since he never knew a colony, and since I had magic, he and I bonded instead.” Remus swallowed his blush, wanting everyone to know that he was proud of his aunt’s work. 

“What do you mean, though? Like, what does it mean for you guys to be bonded?”

“Well, it’s kinda like we understand one another. Like, if I forget to open the window for him to go out I’ll get this feeling of urgency and hunger and questioning. And if I’m really upset, he often will find me and lick my ears. We just, I dunno, know. My aunt wrote a letter to Dumbledore explaining it and he allowed me to bring Bishop instead of another animal.”

“Now, that’s cool. I wish I would have grown up with magic.” Cecil said, leaning back onto a pillow. 

Lily looked from Remus to him. “Right?!” she said.

“Wait,” Sirius said, and they all looked to him. “If all it takes for you to be bonded is for him to have no colony and for you to be magic, why hasn’t this been recorded before? Why doesn’t your aunt have a bond with a bat?”

Remus felt his stomach tighten. He was hoping that he would be able to explain his bond without someone pointing that out. “They don’t know.” He lied. “They’re trying to figure out if there’s something else that needs to happen in order to bond, but they aren’t sure what it is yet.” Sirius nodded. The truth was, Remus’s lythrocampy was almost certainly the reason why he and Bishop had bonded. His aunt theorized that because he already shared an animal bond his magic and mind are more open than the average witch or wizard. For four years she had been trying to figure out how to write up her findings in a way that didn’t put her or Remus in danger. It killed Remus that she wasn’t able to. 

Everyone else threw out ideas for a while, and they quickly turned ridiculous. Remus gave Bishop a good rub and thought about how much he loved Bishop, knowing that he would be able to feel it. Remus felt his love back. 

Not long after they decided to play Never Have I Ever, which again had to be explained to James and Sirius. Remus squirmed in excitement and nervousness, and quelled it with a handful of cookies. He was excited that they were all going to start learning more about each other, but had witnessed the game go down a dark path once before. Around him, almost everyone was smirking, ready to relinquish their revealing questions on one another. 

“Alright, Marlene, you first.”

“Okay. Well, I’m just going to jump right into it. Never have I ever kissed anyone.” James, Dorcas, Cecil, and Lily all put fingers down. “What!” Marlene laughed. “Both of you? I feel betrayed.” She was looking and Lily and Dorcas in turn. Dorcas shrugged. 

“What can I say? I wanted to try my hand at it. My best friend back home and I kissed to see what it was like.” 

Everyone looked at Lily, whose blush deepened. “A boy at school and I had a… thing. We went on a date, to the movies. His mom sat behind us, of course. And he got me a necklace for Valentine’s day, which wasn’t that much later. And we kissed during recess.” Remus noticed Severus roll his eyes. “Okay! Dorcas, you’re up!”

Dorcas had a sly smile on her face, and spoke smoothly. “Never have I ever been hit.”

“Like, punched?”

Dorcas nodded. Sirius put down a finger. Before anyone could ask, he continued on. “Never have I ever fallen off of a broom.” He smiled and he locked eyes with Remus. Lily gave Severus a nudge. 

“That was one time! In class! I was like two feet off the ground!”

“Sure, but it’s never happened to me.”

Remus put a finger down. Lily was giggling at Severus, who was smiling. He had a finger down, too. “You too, Sev?” he asked. 

“Yeah.” The locked eyes and nodded.

“Alright, James.”

“Right. Never have I ever, hm… Never have I ever gotten caught stealing sweets.”

“Rubbish!”

“No, it’s true! I’m a master!”

“No way that’s true.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Was that the most dangerous thing you could think of?”

“Oi! If you knew my mum, you’d know how dangerous it is.”

Everyone put a finger down.

“I’ve got one.” Peter said. “Never have I ever changed a diaper.” 

Only Dorcas put a finger down. “I’ve got a baby brother at home.” She said when everyone looked. “And Peter, that’s not really scandalous. Either is cookie snatching.” 

“Sure,” Cecil said, “But at least we’re getting to know each other. That’s the point.”

Dorcas rolled her eyes.

Severus straightened. “Never have I ever cussed in front of an adult.”

“Ooooh!” Peter exclaimed, looking around the room. “Me either! It’s hard.”

Remus smiled. Of all of them, Peter cursed the most. But, he was really good about only doing it in the dorm. Remus guessed he picked up the habit from his older siblings. Sirius, Dorcas, and Marlene put fingers down.

“Marlene, you cuss?”

“Well, not really. But a while ago I had a friend over and we were in my room just saying curse words we know and giggling and my mom burst through the door and made us wash all the dishes that night.”

“Oh, bummer!” Lily said. “What about you, Dorcas?”

“My ma and I got into a big fight and I called her a bitch.”

Everyone let out sounds of shock, except for Sirius. 

“Hey, me too!” He had a massive grin on his face, and was pointing at Dorcas. “How long did you get grounded for?”

“She said a year, but after a while it just kinda wore off. And I’d like to point out that she said it first. How long were you grounded for?”

“Oh, I barely ate for a week. Then it was like two months, I think.”

“That’s a long time, mate.” James said, looking perplexed. 

“It wasn’t that bad. I mean, it was, at the time. But I lived. Anyways, who’s next? Lily?”

“Oh, right.” Remus could tell that she had been sucked into the sadness that had fallen over everyone but Sirius. Not eating for a week? Remus had been given special treatment by his mom, but he was pretty sure that most families didn’t starve their kids. Then again, most kids didn’t call their moms the b-word. Remus thought back to how Sirius wandered off, and the howler he had gotten from his mom, and all of James’ comments about his ‘horrible’ family, and couldn’t help but feel worried. He hoped down to his core that Sirius wasn’t being hurt at home, because he knew he wouldn’t know what to do about it. Sirius didn’t seem to want to dwell, though, so Remus tucked those thoughts and feelings away for a later day and switched back to their game. “Never have I ever, uh… Oh! Peed myself laughing.” Peter shamefully put a finger down. 

They carried on for quite a while longer. Everyone slowly dismantled their costumes throughout the night, and nearly polished off their sweets. Remus was proud that everyone made it through without any kind of a scuff. He had made a whole new friend, even if she was slow to warm up to. And best of all, he felt like he was in a big, rambunctious, happy family.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To my faithful readers, so sorry that this chapter is a day late! It was a hectic day and I didn't have a moment to log on and get this up. Stay safe!

Remus thought long and hard. Around him, Sirius, James, and Peter were already chatting over each other. He reached around to grab his notebook from the bag beside his bed, along with a quill. 

“Well, Remus?” James asked, looking at him expectantly.

“I’m just not sure if it will work.”

“What parts? I think we can do it.”

“How about the silver? We obviously can’t use real silver.”

“We’re going to do research. We’ll figure something out.”

“And, where is it going to come from?”

“Like I said, we’ll have one of the seventh years open a hole.”

“So, who casts the spell that brings the fake silver out of the hole?”

“One of us, or maybe someone else.”

“How do we get the fake silver to stop moving?”

“With a spell!”

“And how do we get rid of it when the scene is over?”

“We can vanish it! Or put it back down the hole! Merlin’s scraggly bread, Remus! Why are you so critical?”

That struck Remus. The boys treated him like a stick in the mud sometimes, and Remus didn’t care much for it, especially when he had to deal with their downright stupid shenanigans so often. “Critical? I’m being realistic. We have just under a month until the play, and you’re trying to secretly make fake silver, figure out how to control it and convince two strangers to conspire with us? Your plan is not well thought out! I didn’t say bloody no, so I don’t know why your pants are in such a twist! I’m just asking you how it’s going to work. If you don’t have these answers, then it simply will not work.” Remus watched James’ red face pout. He didn’t look at Sirius or Peter before turning to his notebook to start writing the plan out. 

“Yeah, alright.” Remus looked up to find James studying his shoes. “You’re right. If we don’t get organized quick, it’ll never work. I’m sorry, I just-” He took a heavy breath. “I guess I was just upset when you didn’t react like Sirius and Pete.”

“That’s okay. So, are you guys ready to start figuring this operation out?”

“Sounds like it’s gunna be a lot of work to cram into four weeks.” said Peter, sidestepping the uncomfortable conversation like he usually did.

“Yeah, but it also sounds like it’s gunna be worth it.” Answered Sirius, and his devilish grin was all Remus needed to know that this was going to be all they talked about for the next month.

After an hour or so of planning and getting organized, Remus was simultaneously feeling better and worse. They had a plan of attack, which he had formatted into a crisp to-do list, but it was a long list. They settled into their various tasks right away- James was going to head downstairs to start figuring out who they needed to connect with in order to pull off the stunt, since he knew the most Gryffindors. Peter was in charge of finding a spell to make their fake silver freeze. Sirius was tasked with coordinating a holding cell for the goop, and Remus was supposed to figure out what the goop would be made of and how they would get it. Sirius left first to start scouting, but before Remus could get out of the door he was stopped by James. 

“Hey, before you guys go I want to talk with you about Sirius’ birthday.”

“Oh, shit. When is it?”

“It’s tomorrow.”

“Oh, shit.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “How’d you find out?”

“He got an owl this morning with a present and a card. You were sitting with the girls. I don’t know why Pete doesn’t remember. Anyways, I want to do something for him, but I don’t have any presents ready or anything.”

“Huh. Why don’t we just have a nice night together? We could nab some cakes from dinner and transfigure candles, then have a good round of gobstones.”

“Or we could totally deck out the room.” Peter suggested.

“Both of those are pretty good ideas. I just don’t know how. I guess the cakes thing would be pretty easy.” 

“Yeah, and we could get up early to put up the decorations.” 

“Ew.” James made a face. “Or, we could stay up late.”

“Ooh!” Peter’s face lit up. “Why don’t we put a bunch of balloons above his bed so that when he wakes up they fall down on them!”

“Now, that’s a good idea.”

“Well, Pete and I are headed to the library anyways. We’ll look up some spells for balloons and decorations, then we can use that sticking charm to keep the balloons up.”

“That sounds great. Alright, I’ll see you guys later.”

Peter and Remus talk about their most recent herbology assignment while they walk to the library. Peter was dreading it, as he did most assignments, while Remus was looking forward to it. Everyone in the class was doing research on a different plant and would have to talk about it while they were going over the botanicals in class the following week. Then they would pick the plant that they found most interesting and write an in-depth essay about it due the week after. Remus was going over everything with Peter, who was already lost in the ups and downs of it all. When they got to the library Remus set up his station and walked off to find some books to begin his research with. As he walked through the stacks he couldn’t help but feel guilty about the next day; Tonight he had his second transformation at Hogwarts. Remus knew he wasn’t going to be able to put up any decorations, although he hoped that he would make it for the evening celebration. He switched to looking for a book on decorations so that he could at least help that way. 

He eventually found a few tucked away on the bottom shelf, all of which had spells that looked easy enough. He circled back to the table to set one of them down before heading back out into the stacks- he was there to check out all the books he was going to need for his herbology paper and for their stunt in the play so that he could do research after he woke up tomorrow. Once he had found the book he needed and was settled into the table he pushed the stack away from himself, only pulling out the book on decor. Remus figured he should get the birthday decorations figured out first so that James and Peter were ready for the night, then do a little research for the stunt to appease James before banging out some homework. Really, in the homework department, Remus was pretty caught up. He was ready to turn in homework for all his classes on Thursday and wasn’t going to miss much tomorrow. It worked out nicely for him to delegate plenty of time to research the fake silver tomorrow. 

Remus made sure to start seeming sick at the library, and really cranked it up at dinner. Leaving the book of decorations with Peter, along with notes on what he would recommend they use, Remus excused himself to find the Hospital Wing. There, he plopped everything down on his nightstand and changed into a pair of pajamas, then wandered out to find Madame Pomfrey. When he found her they wandered back into his little room and talked about their plan for the wolf that night. They were going to try feeding the wolf mass amounts of food, since last month the wolf didn’t hurt him until the food was gone. As they spoke, Pomfrey said, the elves were transporting roasted chickens, rabbits, and geese to the shack. 

As soon as he and the wolf recovered from the transformation Remus knew that the plan was going to work. The wolf sniffed around a little, but almost immediately began scarfing down food, tearing meat from the bone. Something was wrong, though. There was a discomfort that Remus hadn’t remembered feeling before, and one that he wished he wasn’t experiencing. The wolf was pleased with the feast, no doubt. But there was something unsatisfying about it as well. Remus thought it was like eating a bland biscuit; you’re happy that it’s a cookie, but the whole time you’re eating you can’t help but imagine eating a better tasting one. It wasn’t cookies that the wolf wanted, though; he wanted blood. He wanted the meat to be raw and fresh. He wanted to chase it through the woods before pouncing and devouring it. 

Remus wanted to gag. The thought of killing something was disgusting- even the thought of eating raw meat was unbearable. Remus wanted to close his eyes, maybe lay down. But his body wasn’t his to control, and the wolf continued pulling flesh from the carcasses in front of him. Remus thought about going vegetarian. That night went by slowly. The wolf eventually became bored with eating- but was still interested in the food- so he jumped around to attack the roasts, taking his frustration out on the helpless snacks. When Madame Pomfrey and his mom came in he was vomiting profusely into a corner. His stomach was achingly full and the pain of the transformation had thrown him over the edge. Once he started he couldn’t stop, thoughts of killing animals and eating raw meat pulsing through his mind. His mom came to rub his back and place a blanket around his shoulders, then helped carry him out of the shack when he was done. When they were partway through the tunnel Remus insisted that he could walk himself the rest of the way. They reluctantly allowed him to, but neither of them seemed happy about it and hovered around him the whole way. He happily collapsed into the bed and stayed awake long enough to drink the potions Pomfrey brought to him before passing out. 

It was noon when he woke up. Hope was there, like she always was.

“Hey, honey.” She said as she set down her book. “How are you feeling?”

“Not bad, actually. I felt really weak when we were walking, but I think that was just from throwing up and the transformation. The wolf didn’t hurt me at all last night.”

Hearing that made Hope smiling wider than Remus had ever seen, and tears were immediately building in her eyes, but she blinked them away. “Let me go get Madame Pomfrey, then you can tell us. Are you ready for lunch?” Remus nodded. “Alright, I’ll be right back.”

She clicked the door behind her. Remus looked to his right where he left all of his books last night. He found the one he had been looking at back in the library for ideas on the fake silver and pulled it onto the bed. Before he could find his page, though, his mom walked back in with Pomfrey behind her. Madame Pomfrey came over and placed a lunch tray onto his lap, and Remus was glad to see it was only plain scones with jam and fruit, no meat. 

“Glad to see you’re doing well, Mr. Lupin.” she said, bowing her head a little.

“Likewise, Madame.” Remus replied, smiling and nodding back. 

“So, how did it go with the roasts?” She pulled out a little notebook and quill, one of the smallest he had ever seen. 

“It went… okay. The wolf didn’t hurt me. He was excited about the food and he ate a lot- almost all night. But after a long while he got bored with eating, so he kinda started play-attacking the food? So, in a lot of ways it worked, but I would say that he ate much more than I could handle, that’s why I was throwing up. And that he wants more than food, he wants something to do.”

“Well, I would say that we could work with that.” Pomfrey said with a smile as she looked up from her writing. “I’ll be honest; I hadn’t expected us to get a handle on the wolf as quickly as we have. I mean, these are already much better results than I had expected to see for a while.” Her and Hope exchanged excited looks.

“Well, there is one more thing.” Both of them stared at him, so Remus took a deep breath and squared up with the idea in his mind. “The wolf wanted to hunt the food himself. He wanted it to be fresh. He wanted it raw.”

There was a beat of silence before Hope stepped over to the bed and wrapped him into a tight hug. Pomfrey stayed back, deep in thought. “That is a predicament, isn’t it?” she said. “Alright, well, how do you feel about that, Remus?”

Hope let him go and sat on the foot of the bed. “Not good,” he answered. “I don’t want to kill anything. And I don’t want to eat raw meat, either.”

“We won’t make you.” Pomfrey assured him. “But, I do already have an idea. How about next week we animate the roasts? Then, we can give him the joy of the hunt without making you maim anything. And, since he’ll have to hunt them down it will give him something to do- so he’s not as bored- and draw out the whole experience.”

“Poppy, that’s a fantastic idea.” Hope said as she reached over to squeeze her hand. 

They talked a little more while Remus began eating. He felt remarkable; for the first time in six years he hadn’t woken up from a moon feeling beaten and battered- just tired and weak. He ate gingerly, not wanting to upset his stomach, but after the first scone he felt fine enough to scarf the rest down. Poppy was called out of the room for another patient and Remus went through his post-moon routine with his mom. By the end, he actually felt ready to leave. Poppy discharged him before two and advised that he didn’t rush to his flight class that had just started, which was easy advice for Remus to take. He hugged his mom goodbye and ran to the tower, feeling light. There, he unpacked his bag and changed into a cozy jumper, cranking the heat up a bit as well. Bishop swooped down to meet him, flying around his head and squeaking excitedly before crawling into his sweater and falling back asleep for the afternoon. 

Remus was glad to see decorations all around the room. They had put up streamers, balloons, a banner, and even wrapping paper all over the walls. It looked chaotic, but in a good way. Remus decided to pull out a piece of parchment and make Sirius a birthday card, as he had done for his mom many times over the years. He made the best block letters he could on the front and wrote a short message telling Sirius that he was so glad to be friends, then filled up the rest with cartoon balloons. Remus set the card onto Sirius’ dresser. Then, he settled in for an afternoon resting and reading until it was time to head down to dinner. He found the book for their stint with the fake silver again and cracked it open, hoping to find anything he could work with. 

Time passed quickly while Remus read, and before long he heard the footsteps and voices of the older students coming back from their classes. Remus looked at the notebook beside him, about one page filled with crisp notes. He was starting to form an idea of what he thought they should do. Remus bookmarked his pages and headed into the bathroom for a quick shower before the boys came back to the dorm. Before he could get out, though, he heard the bathroom door open.

“Remus?”

“James?”

“Remus?!”

“Oh, happy birthday, Sirius! I’ll be out in a quib.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yes! Just enjoying a shower, washing the Hospital Wing off. I thought I was going to have a rough night, but it ended up being okay! Sirius, I’m sorry I missed your birthday. I’ll be out in a second!” Remus finished scrubbing the soap off of himself and turned off the tap. There were two shower stalls in the bathroom, and both of them were big enough that a bloke could shower on one end and hang his things on the other side without them getting wet.

“You don’t have to worry about my birthday, Remus. This is already more than I’ve had since I was a toddler. And the guys told me that you’re the one who found all the decoration spells, anyways. Thanks!”

Remus didn’t know what to say. He quickly towelled himself off as he thought. “Did you see the card I wrote you?”

“A card?!”

“It’s on your dresser.” Remus heard Sirius run out of the bathroom and hoped it would buy him enough time to get dressed. He was right, and was able to throw his trousers and jumper back on before Sirius burst back through the door, this time without James. He had his signature wild smile on.

“Thank you, Remus.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Can I hug you?”

“‘Course.”

Sirius came over and gave him a tight hug. Remus held his wet towel out to not get Sirius wet, but squeezed back with his other arm. 

“Thank you.” Sirius said again, quieter.

“Happy birthday, Sirius.”

“No.” he said, and squeezed Remus again. “Thank you for being my friend, too.” Sirius stepped back, a slight blush on his face. Remus felt like he was blushing, too. 

“Gladly.” he answered, looking into Sirius’ grey eyes, then at the floor. James hollered from the room. “Let’s go see what he needs.” Remus said, heading for the door. Sirius nodded and turned around to walk with them, giving Remus a gentle bump before they walked through. 

“So, Sirius,” James started. “What’s the birthday boy want to do next?”

“I would like to have a group hug.”

“A what?”

“You heard me! Get your arses over here! I want to let you guys know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done today.” They all huddled around Sirius awkwardly. “I’m… really thankful that I have you lot as friends. This has been my best birthday ever. Thank you.”

They all echoed thank-yous and you’re-welcomes back to him and squeezed a little tighter before fanning out. Remus couldn’t help but consider how little they had done for his birthday, and how terrible his birthdays at home must be. His heart sank. 

“Let’s all go down for dinner, and we can nab as many sweets as you like and come back to play games and gorge ourselves.” James said, stepping towards the door. Sirius nodded and they all followed. 

“You know, I figured out who we need to talk to about opening and closing the holes.” James said as they marched down the stairs. “Her name is Fran Squirse. I’ve been told that she’s the most likely to help us of the seventh years. I wrote a note and I’m having my friend deliver it to her asking for help.”

“Nice! Peter said. “I didn’t have a lot of time to do research yesterday, but I think I’m just going to ask Flitwick.”

“Don’t you think that’ll be suspicious?”

“Maybe. I’ll figure it out.”

“Just don’t get us too caught. In case we do get in trouble I want to make it seem like we’re accomplices.”

“Ah-whats?”

“Helpers, not the masterminds. 

“Oh.”

“That reminds me,” Remus said as they popped out of the portrait hole “I did a little reading. I’m leaning towards a potion for sure. I have a lot more experience with them than with spells, like I’m sure we all do, so I think they’ll be easier to modify. I started piecing together a few parts, but I don’t have anything solid yet.”

“That’s fantastic!” James said, coming over to clap his shoulders and shake him around. “My dad is mad talented with potions and I’ve picked up a lot of stuff from him so let me know if you get stuck.”

“Oh, thanks, James! I want to do a little more digging first, but I’ll probably come to you once I have the different parts gathered.”

“Sounds good. I’m so excited for this. Rehearsals start next week!”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.”

“You aren’t looking forward to it?” James was looking at Remus like a kicked puppy.

“No, I am. I’m looking forward to seeing how it goes and what we’re doing, but I just wish I didn’t have to be in it. I don’t really have the dramatic flair that Sirius and you have. I don’t want to be in front of everyone.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Sirius said as they walked into the Great Hall. “You’re a minor part that’ll always be in a crowd. They’ll see the good parts you add to the group, but not any little mess-ups.”

“That’s what I’m hoping.”


	8. Chapter 8

It was going to snow, Remus was sure of it. Years of watching the sky with his mum had given him an edge in weather prediction, and the feel of the air and grey, plump look of the clouds were unmistakable.

“It’s going to snow.” Remus voiced to Sirius and the girls as they looked up at the grey ceiling during breakfast. 

“I dunno, Remus. I was really sure it was going to snow last week, but it just got cold.” Marlene answered. 

“No, it’ll snow today. Just wait.”

“You’re a loon sometimes, Lupin. You know that?” Sirius said, grinning through his toast.

“A loon that we love.” Lily added sternly, giving Sirius stink-eye. 

Sure enough, snow began coming down in blankets around lunch, and it didn’t stop. It snowed all through their Friday classes, and the whole night until the boys woke up Saturday morning to feet of it far below their windows.

“So, Remus,” James said while they were all getting ready. He slid in front of Remus, blocking his way to the bathroom. 

“So, James.” Remus answered, sitting on his bed. 

“I know that we were supposed to do a big homework thing today so we weren’t drowning come play rehearsals next week, but-”

“Yes, we can go play in the snow.”

“Thank Merlin!” James hollered, throwing his hands up and swinging around. “Lads, he said yes! Hurry up, let’s get down to breakfast so we can invite people and get going!”

Remus smiled and darted into the bathroom to change. He was excited, too. Once, when he was six, his family had been snowed in and he had so much fun. He was itching to see what he could get up to now that he had twice as many friends and a magic wand. He laughed at James for thinking he needed to ask Remus permission to play in the snow- as if Remus was his mum. It wasn’t like Remus wasn’t eleven, too. He just liked school more than the rest of them. 

He was whisked to the Great Hall for breakfast, where all the girls and Cecil and Severus were waiting at the Gryffindor table. They must have taken longer to get ready than Remus thought. Before his butt even hit the bench James was pitching his idea to play in the snow to the group, who were there to meet them for a study session. It seemed like everyone had already agreed before they arrived, however, that homework could wait. The snow was too fluffy and abundant to ignore. They all ate a little quicker than normal, interrupted only by the owls coming in with mail. A letter thwapped James in the head, which he read outloud in excitement. His dad had sent him a list of spells for the snow! He had ones for making snowballs, building forts, and causing big gusts of wind that would cause a temporary white-out. After that breakfast was forgotten- at least by James- and everyone shoveled the rest of their meals down. Sirius excused himself first, promising to come back as quickly as he could. James and Peter seemed pretty put-out that he was sneaking off in the midst of so much fun, but Remus caught a twinkle of mischief playing around his mouth and guessed that he was up to something a little bigger than usual. Severus left next to get changed into snow gear, and after that they all split off to their rooms. 

No more than half an hour later they were all on the front lawn practicing the new spells and running and squealing. Sirius joined in a little late, but not by much, and he picked the spells up quickly. It wasn’t long until they had split into three teams of three behind their walls of snow and were pelting snowballs at one another. Remus was huddled together with Severus and Lily behind their growing fort. They had a load of snowballs in a pile behind them and while Severus and Remus hurled balls at the other teams Lily was busy magically gathering snow to build walls to their left and right, for further protection. Severus popped up to throw a ball at Dorcus, but right as it left his hand a ball exploded onto his wooly grey hat. He fell back with an “Oof!” and rubbed the cold snow from his eye. 

“Did you see where that came from, Rem?” He said, piling snowballs into one arm. 

“No, did you?” Remus asked back, feeling touched by the nickname. He hadn’t really had one before. 

“No. Guess I’ll have to hit ‘em all, huh? Wanna help? If we both come up at the same time, I think we can overwhelm them.” A snowball hit the ground between the boys. 

“Sounds like a good plan.” Remus answered, reaching behind him to replenish his stockpile. “Ready?”

Severus nodded. They both popped their heads up and began chucking snowballs as quickly as they could, Severus aiming for Jame’s group on the left and Remus aiming and Marlene’s on the right. They heard squeals and shouts as everyone sheltered from their reign of terror. When they were both low on snowballs they ducked back down, giggling to one another. Remus rolled so that he could rest his back on the wall for a moment, but let out a rush of air when he saw what Lily was building behind them. She had finished with the walls and was working on a small trebuchet made of snow!

“Do you like it?” She asked when she saw Remus staring. “Is it big enough, do you think?”

“Merlin’s socks, Lily!” Severus said before Remus could think of any answer good enough. “You’re brilliant! Are you using the same spell?”

“Yeah! It just takes more focus and time to shape it like this.”

“Lily, that’s sweet.” Remus finally managed. She beamed at him. 

“Do you need help?” Severus asked.

“Actually, yeah. Then we can finish it up real quick. I feel like I need a little break soon.”

“Rem, can you defend the fort while I help Lily finish?” Severus asked. 

Remus nodded and scooped the remaining snowballs out of the way for Severus. He cast the spell to quickly make more, taking a second to enjoy watching them emerge from the ground with faint pops before he straightened and began throwing snowballs again. He managed to get Pete right in the nose, which sent him into a fit of laughter and caused him to get hit by a ball coming from Cecil. He threw a few more before he heard Lily and Severus call that it was finished, and he turned to look at the contraption. The ice-machine stood almost four feet tall and could probably hold a snowball the size of Remus’s head. They had somehow cut a ring of ice around it like a platform, which stood in a larger ring of ice. Remus watched in awe as Lily turned the whole machine and platform, using the slickness of the ice to make it easy, yet stable. Severus placed a large ball into the sling and Lily released the rope, causing the ball to soar through the air before crashing down into one of the other forts. Lily, Severus, and Remus all cheered loudly while the other group yelled in surprise, complaining about their snowball pile. 

Standing and cheering, Remus noticed that a large, dark shape was moving towards them from between the other forts. He turned to look more clearly at it but was hit with a snowball, so he ducked down instead. Remus frantically wiped the cold ice from his face and snuck the top part of his head over the wall to peak again. It was Hagrid! When he saw Remus wave he waved back, large and slow. Hagrid picked up his pace into a jog, coming behind Marlene’s team to Remus. 

“Hiya, Remus!”

“Hey, Hagrid!” He answered, jumping out of the fort to stand in front of the giant. Hagrid opened his arms for a hug, and although he hadn’t been expecting one, he accepted. 

“A snowball fight, eh?” Hagrid asked. “An’ what’s this?” He said, gesturing to the trebuchet with surprised eyes. 

“Lily made it!” Remus answered. She was smiling proud and waving to Hagrid. 

“Lovely work, Miss Lily!” Hagrid boomed to her, bowing a little. 

“And this is Severus, he helped, too.” Severus stayed in the corner of the fort farthest from Hagrid, but he waved politely. Hagrid bowed to him, too.

“Well, I saw how much fun you were havin’ an’ thought I’d mosey over and ask if I could join.”

“Oh, absolutely!” Remus answered. “Guys,” he yelled out to the others, “Hagrid is going to play!”

“Be on our team!” 

“No, ours!”

“I think I’ll set up righ’ over here.” Hagrid chuckled to everyone, pointing at a spot between Remus and Marlene’s fort. “All righ’, I won’t take it easy on ya, so you better be ready!”

Remus jumped back into his snow fort while Hagrid set out to make snowballs twice the size of theirs. The game resumed promptly, and Remus managed to make some great hits using the trebuchet. Hagrid’s snowballs terrorized them all, taking chunks out of their walls especially. The only hit that seemed to bother him at all were the big ones from the trebuchet,the rest he just brushed off- if he acknowledged them at all. Both of the other teams seemed eager to level the playing field by building other machines or weaponry from snow, but Lily had put her team at a clear advantage. If any of them were keeping score, Remus would say that they were winning for sure. 

When all of them were starting to slow down a bit, and while Hagrid was making a huge snowball to roll at one of them, a group of four students ran down and asked to join in. Sirius came to meet them to show them the spells and get them set up with a fort while they practiced, then ran back. Remus figured they might be third years, by the look of them. They got the hang of everything really quickly and renewed Remus and his friends by giving them a new target. They barely got going again when one of the third years ran off towards the castle, loudly promising to come back soon. Remus watched him spell an arm full of snowballs before jumping through to the main hall, and a minute later he came sprinting out with a posse of wet looking students behind him. They chased him down to the forts where he took cover behind the one with his friends. The new kids, all six of them, jumped into the game immediately, focusing mostly on the guy that had brought them out- Donny, Remus thought he heard?- and getting hit a lot. They quickly became a little more defensive and Remus watched as snowballs soared all around him, crashing down onto his friends and the snow. 

Their game attracted more and more students after that, like a magnet. And the more kids that were playing, it seemed, the more that were coming out. When it became clear that their little circle wouldn’t hold any more players they radiated outwards, generally grouping together by age. It was big kids versus little kids versus in-the-middle kids, with Hagrid helping out the youngest of them. Remus was between Marlene and Dorcas, with Lily and Severus operating the trebuchet behind him and Hagrid not far off launching massive snowballs with one arm, sending seventh years diving out of the way. The older kids were relentless in their offense, and Remus wondered what kinds of spells they were surely using to help. Remus’s team held their own, though, and Remus got really good at dodging the projectiles. 

When Dumbledore came out, Remus thought it was a joke that the older students were playing. But they stopped throwing snowballs, too, as more of them noticed the headmaster ambling towards their massive game. Eventually everyone was standing still, shamefully hiding snowballs and eyeing Dumbledore to see what he would say. Remus hoped none of them would get into trouble- especially Hagrid. Dumbledore opened his arms, then, with his white wand in one hand. Remus could see his mouth moving but couldn’t hear any words over the rumbling of the ground below them. In slow motion, but also too fast for Remus to keep track of, the snow all around them began rolling, building into massive piles that rose towards the bloated clouds in the sky. Many of the piles took students with them or left kids rolling down a growing hill, shrieking in delight. Remus smiled at his friends and swung his head around, trying to see everything at once. Dumbledore was building a course for them! Different levels appeared, and small walls dotted the center field. Slides and stairs popped out of the sides of the levels. Tunnels hollowed out under their feet. As the snow settled Dumbledore clasped his hands, now clad in bright purple gloves, in front of him and watched with amusement as the kids began roaring through the course, snowballs at the ready. 

Remus followed James and Sirius as they climbed onto a platform and began building walls and snowballs. Other students circled around the platform and began doing the same, even making a hinged door that opened into the madness. From the corner of his eye Remus saw Dumbledore’s bright gloves move, and suddenly each of the pillars had a twinge of color to them. Their own platform soured into an olive green, and then- to Remus’s amazement- everyone on or around the platform gained a green aura, too. Remus looked out into the vast course and saw that everyone was a color now, based on which platform they had been closest to when Dumbledoor cast his spell. The teams weren’t even by any means, but at least people had been able to group themselves together. Remus went to work building walls, a spell that he wanted to come out and practice with later, he decided. James directed those at the top of the platform in their strategy, then slid down to do the same at the bottom. Remus watched as tiny teams of greens started snaking into the field with shields and building little outposts, then as other teams did the same- some of them taking posts from their team altogether. 

The game went on like that for longer than Remus could possibly keep track of. Other teachers came out to watch or join. Dumbledore himself walked through, a rogue, shooting snowballs at anyone from any team, or helping anyone he came across. By the time groups started hauling themselves back to the castle for a late lunch Remus felt exhausted. It was easily the most magic he’d ever used in a single day, and might have been one of the longest games he had ever been a part of, too. When a decent chunk of the students had retired James finally agreed to let them go in. All of them talked and laughed on their way in, marveling at how their little time to play in the snow turned out. Everyone was starving, too, and when Remus saw a clock inside he figured it was no wonder why- they had been outside for four hours, easily, and had entirely missed lunch. They agreed to wander into the Great Hall anyways, since the table usually had tea time snacks out on weekends. Most of the other wet and sweaty students from outside were in there already. Sirius was beaming as they walked in, and Remus was about to tease him about it when Sirius cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, as loud as he could, “Happy snow!!!”

The entire room cheered back. Remus rolled his eyes. But the cheering didn’t stop; it turned into gasps or renewed shouts of delight. A delicious, sweet smell reached Remus’s nose and he closed his eyes, bringing it in- hot chocolate. They all plopped onto the benches and were surprised to not see stale pastries and tea bags, but vats of steaming hot chocolate and mountains of homemade marshmallows, and bubbling cauldrons of fondue cheese and platters of meats and veggies, and skinny forks to top it all off. 

“This was you!” James beamed, looking at Sirius. Remus figured it was obviously so- Sirius had an undeniable proud grin plastered on his face, and not a hint of surprise. 

“It was.” He answered smoothly, skewering a hunk of meat and dipping it into a bubbling pot of cheese. Remus poured himself a deep glass of thick hot chocolate. 

“How?” James demanded.

“I’ve been sneaking off to find the kitchens.” Sirius answered, playing coy. He was studying the cheese pot with interest. Remus found it silly to be modest after the massive show he made of putting it together. “And I did.”

“Where!?”

“I’ll show you soon. I can show you all.” He said, finally looking at them, even the girls and Cecil and Severus. 

“But how did you do this?” Cecil asked.

“I talked with the house elves. I told them what we were up to and asked if they could put something together for when we came in. I just asked for the hot coco and some warm snacks, but fondue suits me fine, too.” 

“Ya know,” Cecil replied, “I forget about the house elves all the time. I just imagine that the castle does all this stuff, like the food and laundry.” 

“They’re hard workers.” Sirius said dully. “They deserve recognition.”

“He’s not trying to be rude, Sirius.” Dorcas pointed out. 

Sirius smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I know. I wasn’t either, sorry.” He held his mug up for Cecil to cheers, and he did. 

Remus poured himself another glass as Peter asked about the pots of cheese, having apparently never heard of fondue before. He set out to explain it while he cooked his own lunch, and they all settled into the comfortable warmth of friendship and bubbling pots of goodness. 

Through the noise and bustle a girl- well, Remus thought, she looked more like a tree than a girl with her height and bushy hair- came to stand behind Remus and Sirius. She surveyed them and settled her eyes on James. 

“Potter?” She asked.

“Yes?” he answered, glancing at his friends nervously.

“I’m Fran.”

Remus watched James’ eyes widen. “Oh!” 

“I’ll do it, but under one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“I have a Magical Beasts project starting on Monday, and I’m completely overwhelmed, I only have one more semester of my life before I’m an adult and I have to get a job, but there’s a war going, and-” she stopped abruptly and re-fixed her eyes on James. “I need you to babysit a cruppy for a week.”

“A what-y?” Peter asked. 

Fran didn’t look away from James. “A puppy Crup. Do you know what crups are?” James shook his head. “It’s a magic dog that violently hates muggles. I don’t need you to do anything but keep it alive and keep it a secret. I would never ask a first year to do this, but things are so crazy and I- anyways, just keep it alive for a week so I can get through my essays, and I’ll train it from there. Deal?”

James looked to Remus, Sirius, and Peter. They all just shrugged. “Sure,” James answered. “When can I get it?”

“Meet me in the common room Monday afternoon? After dinner, like six? I’ll bring everything. Then you can give it back next Monday at the same time.”

“That sounds fair. And you’ll do everything?”

“Yep. Just let me know when and where and I’ll get it done.” 

James and Fran nodded and one another and Fran walked off and out of the Great Hall. 

“Um, excuse me?” Dorcas said, holding out an empty fork with an expecting look on her face. “What just happened?”

“Nothing you need to worry about. You’ll find out soon enough.” 

“I’m sorry, that wasn’t the answer I wanted. Try again.”

“We’re working on a project and we need help from an older student.”

“You seriously aren’t going to tell us?”

“Sorry, no.”

Dorcas rolled her eyes and muttered a ‘whatever’. The others were looking at them with interest, too. Remus winked at them, which he had been practicing all summer. He wanted to look cool and mischievous. He was pretty sure it worked when Cecil smiled and rolled his eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I haven't abandoned this work! I'm so sorry for the sudden hiatus, it was just as unexpected on my end, believe me. I hope to consistently post on Mondays from here on out. Enjoy!

Despite the harsh lights shining in his eyes, Remus looked around the Great Hall: It had been transformed into an open stage to prepare for the dress rehearsals. Above him the sky was stormy- charmed to match the scene they were getting ready to play out. But the clouds shone brighter than normal, a trick that the older students had pulled off rather well to further light up the stage. A very realistic model of Gringotts was protruding from the back of the hall where the teachers usually sat, with Gryffindors in various states of costume milling around it. On the opposite wall there were two models; In the corner left of the door was the Minister of Magic’s office, and on the right was the Goblin Resistance headquarters- a secret cave in the depths of Gringotts. They had actually set it up quite cleverly, Remus thought: tunnels had been charmed below the Great Hall for all different special effects, and one led from the front door of Gringotts on one side of the room to the Goblin Headquarters on the other side. 

Beside him James and Sirius were fixing up each other’s outfits, and Peter was sitting on the floor muttering his lines. Today was their first full dress rehearsal. Last week they had gone through the entire play with timed lines and movements and everything. It had gone much, much better than Remus thought it would, but most of them were still using scripts or stumbling through their lines. But, they had established what the different cues were and where to go onstage. It had been an exhausting night. They rehearsed for two hours before dinner and come back for another two hours after dinner. Remus heard, though, that the Ravenclaws had an even worse time and barely got a break for dinner at all. This time, they were supposed to go through the whole play without stopping, and they would have all the props and costumes. Then, they would talk about what was good and bad and what needed work, and probably go through one or two of the scenes. 

Next week was the real-deal. They would have one last rehearsal on Wednesday, then on Friday was the play. Remus looked at the audience stands that lined the long walls of the Hall on either side. McGonagall called everyone to attention, announcing the start of rehearsals. They all scurried to their places, most of them below the Great Hall in the temporary dressing room that had been set up. This is where all of the seventh years controlled the tunnels that they would use for their entrances and exits. A giant, swirling plate of fog was in the main area, and showed the Great Hall so that everyone could watch the play and be ready for their cues. Remus looked around nervously, spotting Fran huddled up against a wall writing an essay. 

Their elaborate stunt for the play was actually almost ready- Remus figured that they would pull it off, just like James said. Sirius had found the perfect spot to hold the goop, and Fran was willing and able to tunnel it from there into the Great Hall. Peter had found the spells they needed to manipulate the goop, and James had gotten people to agree to cast them. And Remus, with help from the others, had a potion brewing to make the goop, and a spell he had practiced to increase its volume a lot so that they would have enough. All in all, it was coming together. Really, once the potion was done, all they had left to do was put everything in place and hope it worked out. Remus was anxious to make it happen, in a good way and a bad. If it went poorly, they would ruin their chances to win best play for the whole house. But if it went well, it would be spectacular. Plus, it would be one of the most impressive feats of magic Remus had executed yet. 

The largest downside, Remus thought as he watched the play begin through the fog, was the cruppy. She was horrible. Her name was Brie, which Remus had thought was sweet at first. But she was completely untrained and had way too much energy. With the boys gone at class all day she had no one to entertain her, which meant each afternoon they came home to their dorm in shreds. 

Peter nudged Remus from his thoughts, gesturing to the fog screen. Remus was in the next scene, and this one was almost over. He nodded at his friends and stood, meeting Dorcas at their tunnel. Somehow, he had managed to be in the play more than all his other friends. He didn’t have any real lines, but he was onstage in the background all the time. As their cue came, Remus jogged into the tunnel, focusing on not messing up. 

Rehearsal that night went fairly smoothly. Everyone was much better at looking for their cues, and Remus guessed he saw half as many kids reading from their scripts. The scene that James and Sirius had together was even funnier than last week, likely due to their frequent practicing in the dorm. Marlene tripped during one of her scenes, and was way more embarrassed than he thought she would be. Although, Remus figured, if it had been him he’d probably want to die. They were all a little late to dinner, but they didn’t have to go back afterwards, which everyone was thankful for. Remus plopped down his schoolbag behind him, which was overflowing with his costume, and tucked into dinner. 

“So,” James asked between mouthfuls, “What was the plan for tonight?”

“It’s mine and James’ turn, right? I need help with the Astrology assignment.” Peter said.

“Yeah, and Remus and I will deal with the-” Sirius looked around and leaned in, speaking softly, “The furry little problem.” 

Remus snorted. That’s exactly what Brie was: A furry little problem. 

“Are you guys sure you’re good until curfew?” James asked. “Practicing for the play has actually put me a little behind in my schoolwork, so I think we’ll need the rest of the night.”

“We’ll manage.” Remus answered. 

Reassured, Peter and James went straight to the library after dinner, leaving Remus and Sirius to see how badly Brie had treated their room throughout the day. 

No more than half an hour later, Remus held the cruppy tight to his chest underneath his shapeless, bulky robes. Sirius descended the stairs ahead of him, as if he had no concerns in life. Remus was trying badly to act the same, but he suddenly couldn’t remember what he normally did. Where did he look? Did he avoid eye contact, or did he seek it out? He couldn’t recall. When they got outside of the portrait hole, Sirius slowed to walk next to Remus. 

“I thought you were good at being sneaky?”

“I am!”

“No. You’re not. You’re hiding Brie really well, but you’re acting like you really don’t want to get caught doing something.”

“Well, I don’t!”

“Then you can’t act like it!”

“How am I supposed to act?”

“Like normal!”

Remus huffed and rolled his eyes, looking away from Sirius. 

“See, that’s much better.”

Remus stuck his tongue out and Sirius mirrored him. They walked onto the lawn in silence, listening to the rustle of scarves around their necks and of snow underfoot. Brie wiggled under Remus’ robes- the boys had quickly learned that she never stayed still for long. She was surprisingly aggressive for her tiny size, and liked them in order from most to least magical. She loved Remus, he guessed because he, too, was full of animalistic magic, but his roommates assumed it was because he was just a stronger magician. Despite his efforts to keep her calm, though, Brie had been exceptionally energetic when they got back from dinner. Sirius suggested that they bring her outside to play, an offer Remus couldn’t turn down after he found one of his books chewed to shreds under his bed. 

Finally, they made it to the edge of the lawn. The pair set about making large walls of snow around them so they could keep people from seeing that they had a cruppy and to keep her from running away. Remus set her down and started running around, playing chase. Sirius joined in, too, until they were both out of breath. Remus slid down one of the walls to sit, idly swatting his hand around to keep Brie entertained. Sirius did the same, landing within arm’s distance. 

“I always wanted a dog.” Sirius said, gazing forlornly at the cruppy trying to bite Remus’ fingers. “Although, I don’t think I would want a crup like Brie. She’s pretty vicious.”

Remus nodded in agreement. “We had one when I was really little, but it died when I was five.”

“That sucks. You didn’t get a new one?”

Remus sucked in his breath, and thought about his answer as he exhaled slowly. “No, it was around the time that I got diagnosed, so my parents had their hands filled.”

“Oh.”

Sirius started calling sweetly to Brie, trying to get her attention by skittering his fingers in the snow. She stared at him tersely, then pounced at his hand. Remus watched Sirius open his mouth, then snap it shut. When he tried a second time, words made their way into the thickening air between them.

“Can I ask about that? Your illness, I mean.”

Remus weighed the pros and cons in his mind. He wanted to talk to Sirius about stuff, and didn’t want to lose this opportunity to become better friends. But in order to do that, he would have to continue building his elaborate lie. It made his heart droop, but Remus decided this friend might be worth the risk. He curled further into himself, the cold of the snow at his back and bottom starting to seep into his clothes, and nodded. 

“So, I thought bronchiectasis was curable with magic?”

“It is, but I seem to have a magical kind of it.”

“Oh. Is that new? I mean, you said you ‘seem to have’ it?”

“Yeah. The healers haven’t come up with anything that cures it, and there’s no clear documentation of anything quite like it before. It’s pretty much like muggle bronchiectasis, so that’s what we call it.”

“Huh. Is it any different than the muggle kind?”

“A little. Not much. It mostly affects my lungs, and when I have an attack it will make my body really weak. It, uh, does usually make me pretty hungry. When I have an attack.”

“And that’s not normal for the muggle kind?”

“No.” Remus pulled his arms into his sweater.

“That’s weird, then. Do you know why that happens?”

“We think it’s because my body and maybe my magic are fighting to keep me alive and healthy, and it takes a lot of energy.”

“Huh.” 

“Yep.” Remus tapped his toes, watching Brie paw at the walls. He wiggled, trying to get his cold, wet bum off of the snow. 

“I can tell you something personal, now, if you want. To make it even.”

Remus shrugged.

“I don’t think my family’s that good.”

Remus felt his heart drop lower into his ribcage. He didn’t think Sirius’ family was any good at all. “Wha’d’you mean?” He asked softly. 

“Well, I know my parents aren’t good people. I know they use dirty, dark magic and are mean to pretty much everyone else. That’s why I don’t want to be like them. But being here, talking to other people…” He trailed. Remus tried not to move a muscle while he waited for Sirius to finish his thought; He didn’t want to ruin his train of thought. “I’m starting to think that maybe they aren’t good parents. Like, that other families aren’t like mine.” Sirius’ hands went up to his hair, combing through anxiously. He glanced at Remus, who gave an unsure smile right as Sirius looked away. Remus opened his mouth to say something encouraging, but Sirius beat him to it.

“I mean, that’s stupid. I know that other families aren’t like mine. We’re the Blacks, for Merlin’s sake. We do things the old way, and we’re stupid rich. But, like, arranged marriages aren’t a thing, right? I mean, you know that.” Sirius looked at him for confirmation, which Remus readily gave.

“No, I don’t know anyone in an arranged marriage. Are you- wait, are you in one?” Remus had to fight to keep his eyes from widening at the thought of Sirius engaged at twelve. 

“Well, not yet, but I will be. But that’s exactly what I’m saying! I always grew up thinking that everyone got arranged marriages, but now I know that it’s not normal at all. And there’s other stuff, too. Like, um, at the train station.” Sirius’s voice was growing small again, and Remus stilled his breathing to make sure he could hear every word. “I was there with my mum, and we just stood there, and then she gave me a lecture about being good and sent me onto the train and left. I mean, she smiled at me, and that was nice, but I watched hundreds of families around me hug their kids, and say goodbye, and even cry-” Sirius’s voice cracked, and Remus scooted closer to his friend. Brie had padded over not long before and crawled onto Remus’s lap, so he picked her up and deposited her onto Sirius.

He gave Brie a watery smile and affectionate pets. He sniffled. “I was just so surprised. I didn’t see any parents act the way mine did. I mean, my dad wasn’t even there, and I saw lots of kids with both parents there. And now I’m just wondering if the life I’m living isn’t normal at all.” He paused, sniffing again, but continued on promptly. “And there are a few things I’ve said around James- just jokes or comments about my family and stuff- but it’s like when I say them everything about him changes. He gets all weird and stiff, and has this worried face. I don’t even know what that means!” Sirius really broke down after that, crying into his knees and shakily stroking Brie, who was a little crunched between Sirius’s knees and heaving torso. 

Remus slid the rest of the way over to Sirius and put an arm around his back, rubbing circles like his mum did when he was upset. He wasn’t sure what to say, so he just kept his mouth shut until he came up with something decent. Eventually, when Sirius’s breaths weren’t quite so rough, Remus built up his courage to ask a question.

“Do you want to know what I think?”

Sirius didn’t look at him, but Remus watched him nod his bowed head.

“I think that you grew up in a very unique family. I don’t think that you have the family relationship that most kids do. Or, that kids are supposed to.” Sirius’s crying grew deep again, and Remus stopped talking.

Through his sobs, though, Sirius asked, “What’re we ‘supposed’ to have?”

Remus sighed heavily. “Your parents are supposed to be there to support you. You’re supposed to play, and make friends. When you have questions or worries or problems, you’re supposed to go to them and they help you. They’re supposed to protect you from getting hurt, and they’re never supposed to hurt you themselves. They’re supposed to be there to help you be yourself, not to turn you into whatever they want.” Remus felt the words rattle around his head as he said them out loud, reminders from long talks with his mom or Aunts, or things he had overheard through open doors. Remus’s heart sunk deeper, for Sirius and for himself.

Beside him, Sirius was trying to control his crying again, but was failing plainly. Remus continued to rub his back. 

“If it makes you feel better, though, that's not what everyone has.”

“Wha’d’you mean?”

“Well, my dad is long gone. When my parents found out I was sick they took me to hospital after hospital trying to find someone that could help me. They bought expensive potions and salves that did nothing. I needed a lot of attention, so they had to work less. Money was a problem. My mom didn’t think I would make it for a while. She cried a lot. My dad started drinking- then he started drinking a lot. Eventually my mom kicked him out. He came back once, but he was drunk and he and my mum got into a huge row in the front yard. Now we have no idea where he is. He hasn’t been around since I was seven.”

Sirius was only sniffling now, having listened intently to his story. “I’m sorry.” He said. 

Remus gave him a weak smile. “It’s okay. I don’t care much anymore. After he realized I would be sick forever he stopped doing the things parents are supposed to do, and he only hurt me and my mum more by being there. Now, me and my mum are happy- best we can be.” Sirius nodded. “But I wanted to tell you that so you knew that you aren’t the only one with a not-normal family. And that even kids in not-normal families can be happy. 

Sirius sucked back another round of sobs, nodding again and wiping his eyes. Remus took back his arm, giving Sirius a firm nod back. 

“Thanks for talking to me- and listening. I’m sorry I cried.” Sirius mumbled. “And thanks for not treating me like James does. I don’t know how to talk to him about this stuff.”

“Anytime.” Remus answered, and he meant it. 

“Do you think, um…” Sirius looked away again, fixing his gaze on Brie. “Maybe we can talk more about this stuff some other time?”

“Absolutely.”

“And, um, maybe you can tell me about normal families, or I can tell you about my family and you can tell me which parts are normal and not?”

“I can do that for sure.” Remus said. After an awkward pause he added, “Do you want a hug?”

Sirius nodded. Remus got to his feet and watched as Sirius followed, cradling Brie in his arms as he clambered up. They held each other in a tight hug and Remus felt his heart lighten a little. Finally, Sirius admitted- or, realized- that he was in a bad household. The weight that had been sitting inside of Remus and got heavier every time Sirius mentioned his abuse lightened for the first time, and Remus could see the light. They would be able to talk about the Blacks, and Sirius would see that they treat him so badly, and then they could start figuring out how to get him out of there. 

They stepped back from one another and Sirius performed heating charms on their bums and on the walls. 

“Remus?”

“Hm?”

“Do you wanna run around for a bit? We can tire Brie out some more, and I feel like I have some energy or something that I need to shake off.”

“Sounds good. Race you to that big spruce?” Remus answered, pointing to a massive tree at the edge of the forest. 

“You’re on.” Sirius answered, but before he could set down the cruppy and take off, Remus broke into a sprint, leaving Sirius hollering behind him.


	10. Chapter 10

When they were dismissed from Defence Against the Dark Arts at 12:15, the anxiety that had been fizzing inside of Remus began to bubble. The day of the play had finally arrived, and Remus was just as eager to get it over with as he was willing to avoid it forever. Usually, the Gryffindors would have Flight on Fridays after lunch, but on Wednesday Madame Hooch had told them that she’d rather see a spectacular play performance than another subpar scrimmage of Quidditch and canceled class. The show began at six, and they had nothing to do but eat lunch and rehearse for the hours until then. Peter was anxious to do both, insisting that they go through his lines and movements with him as soon as they finished eating. Remus and his roommates went back to the dorm to do so, and to check on the goop they had brewing in their bathroom. 

At half past four, first years were supposed to make their way to the Great Hall in their costumes and meet in designated corners with their houses. Stashed in one of Sirius’s robe pockets was the same sack they had used to stash candy away on Halloween, this time filled with jars of goop. During this pre-play pandemonium, he was going to sneak away downstairs to put the goop into its holding cell and to magically increase its volume, then meet up with Fran to ensure that she knew exactly where it was. While Sirius did that, James and Remus stood in line to get their dose of polyjuice potion, which was supposed to partially change their appearance to look more goblin-like. It worked, giving them pointy ears and noses and fingers until their part in the play was over. 

They scared Peter so badly after they transformed that he said he nearly peed himself, which lightened Remus’s mood considerably. Around five they found Sirius at the snack table, who said that the goo was in place and Fran was ready to go- and even seemed excited. By five-thirty they were asked to huddle downstairs so that the audience could begin filling in and so that the set could be checked over and perfected. At a quarter-till, the entire room was buzzing. When the Ravenclaws shuffled out of the room, the energy was palpable. 

The 1612 rebellion was portrayed squarely. The set was completely different, since the rebellion was largely centered around Hogsmeade, which had surprised Remus. But he could follow what was happening, and was thrilled by the scene where both sides took hostages, as everyone around him was. Remus thought that they did a great job on the setting, and he couldn’t imagine how many different charms were in play from the weather and lighting to the insanely realistic sounds. After their part ended, with Goblins and Wizards tersely agreeing to co-exist, there was a fifteen minute intermission so the set could be changed over and snacks could be served to the audience. Remus’s stomach flopped back and forth as he reviewed the spells and cues with his roommates. In a few minutes he would be onstage, with hundreds of eyes on him. In the back of his mind, Remus worried that there was a full moon he had forgotten about and that he would transform in front of everyone, but he pushed the silly thought away. His friends- his house!- was relying on him, and he was ready. When he found Dorcas in the crowd to run onstage he gave her a shoulder nudge. 

“You ready?” She asked, looking majestic in her goblin armour, even with the pointed features. 

“Are you?” He asked back, surprising even himself with his sureness. But Dorcas only rolled her eyes.

“Whatever you weirdos have planned, it better be good.”

A fifth-year waved her arm and they jogged up the tunnel and into the Goblin headquarters set. They stood quietly, shrouded in darkness as the first scene unfolded in front of them. The lights illuminated the middle of the stage, where a Goblin was walking to his job at Gringotts. Before he reached the doors, two Aurorus grabbed him and bound his hands, announcing that he was being taken to the Ministry to be tried for the murder of a witch. He claimed that he hadn’t done it, pleading and shouting to be released, to know what was going on. A group of Goblins, headed by James, came out to watch. He shook his head and stomped back inside as the lights faded and the echoes of the Goblin’s cries became further away. 

Remus began murmuring with those around him as the lights came up again, this time pointed at their set. James burst through the door, out of breath from running along the tunnel to make his entrance in time. He gave a stirring speech about injustice and laid out the Goblin’s plan to establish a rebellion, beginning with a strike at Gringotts for the wrongfully accused Goblin to get a fair trial. At the end of the scene Remus hustled off of the stage with everyone else. From the fog screen below he watched the next scene unfold, nodding as things went well. This was Peter’s first scene, and he had been more nervous than Remus had. 

‘Closed’ signs were hung all over Gringotts, and a newsboy called the headline from that day in 1752: Goblins Strike, Gringotts Closed. Peter played a wizard guard who stood at the entrance of Gringotts, and he was doing a good job of looking worried as people came up to Gringotts only to find it closed. Chaos began building in the streets as more and more wizards built in front of the bank. They began chanting “Open the doors!” and James came out with two other Goblins, looking smug. He called out to the crowd, announcing that Gringotts was on strike and what for. But as he turned away one of the wizards threw a hex, which is when violence broke out. Peter’s character drew his wand at the crowd, but someone shouted above the noise “Oi, are you on their side or ours!?” and he turned to hit one of James’ Goblins square in the face. In practice, the hit had never been convincing at all, and it wasn’t much better this time. Then the Goblins ran into Gringotts and shut the door behind them, leaving the angry crowd outside.

Remus liked this part of the play because he thought it was clever. The rioting wizards would stay, but the lights would move away from them and they would quiet considerably. The focus would shift to the Goblin Headquarters, where James would call that their peaceful strike was a failure and that the time for action was here. The seventh years would open tunnels into the middle of the floor, where Goblins would emerge ready for battle amidst the wizards, and the lights would shift back to center stage. Intense fighting would break out, so Remus cast Fousangisum right before he popped out of his tunnel. He hid his wand in his sleeve and squeezed it as he slashed at the wizards, surprising them when blood shot past them. 

After a few moments of the battle, the lights dimmed on the main floor again. Remus and the other fighters quieted, but continued walking between one another and pointing wands or swinging weapons. The focus this time was on the Minister of Magic’s office. A boy named Angus was there as the Minister, and Marlene, his assistant, rushed in with the news of the fight. Angus immediately roused Aurors to forcibly re-open the bank and stop the fighting. A slew of wizards marched from a door and into the fray of the fight, and the battle scene became the center of attention again, so Remus began yelling and slashing and oozing blood everywhere. The fighting got much more intense with the new dose of wizards, and wizards and Goblins alike began dropping as if dead. The scene finished with the proper dramatics; The lights slowly fade on the fighting and just as slowly grow brighter on Angus. He looks out at the carnage in disbelief and, with the use of a hidden voice amplifying spell, says “What have I done?”

Then, the main stage goes completely dark. Holes in the ground open for the actors to escape through while the audience is distracted by the Minister turning in his resignation form. He walks out and a beat goes by, then Sirius struts onto the set, dressed in a suit that has more parts than Remus can count. He tried once when Sirius first showed it to them, and Sirius revealed suspenders and a second vest that Remus couldn’t even see. Sirius sits as the new Minister, Basil Flack, which is all announced within the scene by Marlene. With Gringotts still closed, Sirius asks Marlene to send word to the leader of the Goblin rebellion. As Sirius idly signs papers at his desk, the Goblin headquarters alight to show James receiving a letter, and then him leaving on his way to the Ministry of Magic. Marlene comes in to announce the Goblin’s presence and Sirius welcomes him in. Remus smiled, knowing that much of their audience wasn’t ready for the scene about to unfold. 

“Welcome.” Sirius says, deepening his voice to sound more adult. He gestured for James to sit opposite of him at the desk. He does, giving Sirius stink-eye the whole time. “I wanted to meet with you so we could discuss the serious matters at hand.”

“Oh?” James says, crossing his arms.

“The violence needs to stop.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” James retorts. “We are striking in protest of the wrongful conviction of Galhost Singewood. We peacefully organized a strike in an effort to be heard, and instead we were attacked. Serious matters.... Indeed.”

Sirius folded his hands and leaned onto his desk. “Mr. Singewood was found guilty of murdering an innocent witch. Now, I’m here to make negotiations with you about what we can do to reopen Gringotts.”

James leaned forward as well. “Galhost Singewood was found guilty by a jury that had decided he committed a crime before the trial commenced. There wasn’t a single Goblin involved in the trial. He was with his clan the night of the murder. The bank opens when he’s freed.”

“How about wands?” Sirius says, standing and walking around his desk. He idly pulls his wand from its place at his hip (yet another part of the suit that Remus was shocked to see) and twirls it.

“What do you mean?” James asks, and Sirius smirks. 

“We both know what this is really about. Goblins have been squabbling to get their hands on magic wands for ages.”

“Wh- That’s outrageous!” James splutters, standing as well. “This is-!”

“Over a hundred years ago there was a rebellion much like this one, and for what?!” Sirius spit back, cutting him off. Their volume was ear splitting. They circled around the office like caged cats. Remus swallowed his smile.

“For wands!” James yelled, throwing up his hands. But he brought a long finger to sharply point at Sirius. “I do not deny that the Goblins wish to be taught in the way of wand magic as wizards are,” Sirius rolled his eyes dramatically and plopped back into his chair as James leaned over the desk, still pointing. “Which is only fair because we also possess innate magical abilities,” Sirius scoffed. “But do not ignore that this is about violence and prejudice against Goblins!”

Sirius stared James down, who was huffing madly. One at a time, he clunked his heeled boots onto the hardwood of the desk, not breaking eye contact. Remus heard someone in the audience snort, followed by a few giggles. “If you open Gringotts tomorrow, I’ll begin drafting legislation for Goblins to get wands myself.”

A long, pregnant pause went by. Remus could feel the whole school holding their breath. With a screech, James leapt over the desk and onto Sirius, who squealed. The chair tipped backwards in slow motion as James wrapped his bony fingers around Sirius’s neck, then all the lights went out. Remus let the laughs from around the hall fill him up, proud of his new friends for executing their scene so well. 

After the meeting between the Goblin leader and the Minister a cloud of discontent fell over the wizarding world. The bank did not open, Goblins were arrested with and without charges, and interactions frequently turned to fights, which in turn frequently turned to large-scale brawls. While all this happened on stage, Sirius sat in his office, doing not much of anything, and James headed the meetings beneath Gringotts. Realizing they were at a stalemate, the Goblins contacted a group of werewolves to ally with. Lily headed them as Fiona Frenzik. Fiona was a strong character: She was one of the few werewolves in history who wasn’t poor, and she flaunted the fact by wearing opulent clothes. In her twenties she was turned, and until her dying day at 68 years old she fought for werewolf justice. But, she had a mean streak and was known to get her hands dirty from time to time, which didn’t help her reputation much in the long run. Now, she was almost always portrayed as a villain in books and plays. Remus loved her. 

In the play, Lily and James conspire to hold a massive demonstration through Diagon Ally, beginning at Gringotts. They intended the protest to be peaceful, but with the violence they had been met with so far came prepared to fight. Remus felt his stomach knot. This was the moment they had been preparing for for months- it was time for their big stunt. Remus lined up in front of the Gringotts tunnel, ready to march out with all of the Goblins and werewolves. James and Lily left the set and hurried down the tunnel to meet them, since they were supposed to come out of Gringotts first. As James ran by he gave Remus a slap on the shoulder, no doubt trying to convey some of his excitement. Remus marched up with everyone else, taking his spot on stage and sitting, watching Sirius grow bewildered from his office as Lily and James announced their alliance and the nature of the protest. 

Of course, the protest turns to chaos right away. Aurors are sent to detain them and wizards from the street cause trouble until there’s an all-out war. They fight for a while, and with Peter, James, and Remus using the Fousangisum spell it gets pretty messy. Then, with Remus’s heart squeezing in his chest, James begins his big speech. At the head of the battle he steps away, addressing the pandemonium before him. 

“For too long the wizards have looked down on the Goblins, trapping us beneath their feet. They treat us as if we are not equals! Although we, the Goblins, have lived in peaceful civilizations for longer than they. Although we, the Goblins, have created underground cities larger than any congregation of wizards. Although we, the Goblins, have magic coursing through our veins, and it does not skip some of us, leaving us outcast and magicless. No-” 

The fighting slowed and eventually stopped as everyone turned to watch James. Many tiny, tiny holes opened on the floor all around him and from it their silvery goop came bubbling out like magma. Alarmed, a few first years stepped back. In practice, the Gryffindors had agreed to use a very thick smoke to represent the molten silver that the Goblins controlled that day. But, Remus thought proudly, he and his roommates had found a way to replace it and make their scene realistic and absolutely spectacular. As the silver oozed towards the first years, James began rising higher, goop building up beneath him. 

“We, the Goblins, hold magic within us all! We will be looked down on no more!” By the time James had spoken his final line, he was a good 3 meters in the air, his arms outspread. The silver had snaked through the whole set, only parting around first years playing Goblins and werewolves, and sucking around the legs of the wizards. James laughed mercilessly as the wizards made a show of trying to break free, some actually seeming like they might freak out. To Remus’s relief, the lights dimmed to dark and, to the explosive applause of the audience, the goop receded back into the floor at twice the speed it had come out. Everyone ran down tunnels to evacuate the stage before the lights came up again. 

The hall was full of hushed excitement, people from other houses congratulating them on their performance and Gryffindors either sharing their surprise or acting like they were expecting the silver the whole time. While they talked, Sirius finished playing his role as Minister and resigned, exiting with shame on his face. When he got back downstairs, though, Remus never thought he had seen him so happy. All four of them collided in the middle of the other students, clapping one another on their backs and whispering about how well it had gone. They sat quickly, trying to avoid being suspicious, and James was sorry to leave in the middle of the excitement, needing to go back onstage for the final scene. 

The applause at the end of their act was enthusiastic, and the chatter as the Slytherins got set up was deafening. The boys went to ravage the snack table, talking with their peers about the stunt without revealing that they were in on it. They saw Fran talking with McGonagall, but the professor didn’t storm over to them afterwards so they assumed they were in the clear. The rest of the night they happily watched the rest of the play, snickering with one another. 

Lily found them at some point, still in her poofy costume pants and fancy vest. She folded herself next to Remus and began whispering in his ear.

“So, is that what you guys were planning?”

Remus just gave her a loaded glance. He heard her sigh.

“That was crazy!”

James leaned over, joining the quiet conversation. “Are you talking about the silver? It was crazy!”

“It was dangerous!”

“What? How?”

“People were scared! They didn’t know if the stuff would hurt them!”

“But it wasn’t dangerous. They were just worried. You’re worried. Just calm down. It was cool!”

Lily huffed again. She leaned in close to Remus again and cupped a hand around his ear, whispering softer than before, “If it was you guys, it was awesome. But it was scary at first. I want to know how you did it. Meet me tomorrow at breakfast. Don’t tell Potter.” Then she got up and snuck to the side of the room where Marlene and Dorcus were waiting. 

The staff weren’t going to announce which house would receive the points for Best Act until dinner the next day, so Remus was safe to creep out of the dorm for breakfast before the others were awake. He met Lily at the table as she buttered a scone. 

“Morning.”

“Good morning!”

Remus sat and started filling his cup. 

“So, tell me how you did it.”

“Already? Jeez, Lils. I just sat down!”

“I know, but I had to wait all night. Tell me!”

“Fine. You won’t get us in trouble?”

“Nope. Tell me. What was that stuff?”

“It was a potion for wall insulation, colored a little to be silver and expanded with a spell.”

“It wasn’t dangerous?”

“Not at all.”

“How did you get it to go around the Goblins and werewolves?”

“We found a repellent spell and attached it to the silver stuff. A second year cast it on the Goblins and werewolves.”

Lily nodded. “What about making it lift up James?”

“We got a seventh year to control it. It was that girl who came up to us at the dinner table about the cruppy. That’s why we had to watch it.”

“Oohhhh. And where that stuff come from?”

“Sirius found a closet to hold it in, with the help of Fran.”

“The seventh year?”

“Yep.” Remus finished spreading jam on his toast and took a bite. 

Lily sat there nodding, lost in thought. When he was almost done with his slice she finally spoke up again. 

“That’s really impressive, Remus.”

Remus blushed. “It wasn’t all me, it was all of us. And we had a lot of help.”

“Yeah, but you did some advanced sounding stuff with no one to show you how. That’s crazy.”

Remus shrugged and busied himself with his next slice of toast.


	11. Chapter 11

The tail end of the term flew by Remus like James on a broomstick. The evening after the play Dumbledore announced that Gryffindor had won the house points for their performance, not scolding them for their risky stunts as McGonagall so clearly wanted him to. The house was content after that, which meant that the common room felt cozier than normal, despite the looming threat of end-of-term assignments and encroaching holiday decor. Remus and his roommates began settling into a certain cluster of chairs to the right of the fireplace to lazily work on assignments or avoid them altogether. Sometimes the girls would join them, but not often. Remus found that he missed the company of his other friends, even though he saw them frequently. He didn’t dislike his roommates, but being around them 24/7 was beginning to wear Remus out and he was looking forward to his time home more than anyone else. 

His next transformation strutted into his life less than a week after the play. With Madame Pomfrey scheming plans to distract the wolf, part of him felt a slippery kind of ease as the evening drew near. It was countered by his memory of the month before, and although he was hungry the night of his transformation he barely ate. Remus met Madame Pomfrey with a weak smile, not wanting to discourage her plans but unable to swallow his dread. His night with the wolf was almost tolerable, chasing roasted chickens and ducks around the old house. It was almost funny, especially since they kept most of their personality from when they were alive, which meant they waddled and strut around the rooms. The wolf liked scaring them when they huddled together, making the whole group jump and flap and run. By the end of the night he had eaten a dozen roasts and hadn’t hurt himself at all. 

Madame Pomfrey came the next morning with a stomach quelling potion in hand, which he drank right away. After the whole operation, he noticed that he actually didn’t feel so bad. Pomfrey, Hope, and Remus talked about the night as they walked back into the school and he fell asleep easily in his personal room. After his morning of rest the next day, Remus buckled down on his assignments. He wanted to finish his first term on a great note, so about as often as he hung around doing lazy homework with his roommates, he snuck off to study hard with Lily.

He noticed that Lily preferred to study alone, usually ditching her own roommates and friends to study at a small table behind some bookshelves in the library. Severus sometimes joined her, but he apparently preferred the quiet of his dorm to any collective space. One day, when Remus had come to realise that she usually studied alone, he asked her if he should leave her be. She had shrugged and smiled, then admitted that she didn’t mind his company because of how quiet he was, so long as he didn’t take up more than his half of the table. So, they began tucking themselves away to study, occasionally comparing notes and sharing smuggled snacks. 

About a week away from the end of the term they had been studying on a Sunday afternoon, finishing up unnecessarily long assignments, when they both slipped out of their shared stream of focus. Remus slithered back into his seat properly, having slid down somewhere between Herbology and DADA. He cracked his back and popped his elbows, watching Lily’s cheek slump further into the heel of her hand. Her green eyes flicked up to him and she dropped her head entirely, groaning softly into her book. 

“I don’t think I can do it anymore.” She lamented. 

Remus nodded solemnly. “I think the information is eating my brain.”

Lily snorted. After a pause she said, “Weirdly enough, I kinda like it.”

“I liked it too, at first. But this is… It’s too much.”

“Yeah, but it’s better than muggle school. And it’s better than lying around at my house, fighting with my sister.”

“Have you tried not fighting with your sister?” Remus asked, closing his textbooks with muted triumph. 

“Oh, I’ve tried. She insists that we always fight, though. Especially since my letter came.” Lily rolled her eyes dramatically at Remus, as if to say ‘you know what I mean’, even though he definitely didn’t. 

“You said she’s a muggle, right?”

“Yep. She thinks I’m weird now, and treats me like it all the time. She doesn’t even like being around me anymore ‘cause she thinks I’m going to blow up one day out of the blue.” Lily crossed her arms and huffed, then uncrossed them to accentuate her statement, “Hence the fighting.”

Remus hummed in assent, although he didn’t really know what to say. He rummaged around his bag for a sweet while he thought, pulling out a few jammie dodgers and tossing her one. With a mouth half-full of cookie he finally said, “Y’know, if you wanna get away from your sister over break, I bet my mum will let you come over.”

“Really?!” Lily lurched forward, and for a second Remus thought she looked absolutely bonkers; Her eyes were wide, she had crumbs on the corner of her mouth, and although most of her hair was pulled back into a bun, a million little hairs were sticking up like a fuzzy halo. 

“Yeah, I think so.” Remus smiled. “You could come spend the weekend.”

“Oh, but how would I get there?” She asked, thumping onto the back of her seat. “I don’t think my parents could drive hours just to drop me off and pick me up.”

“You could floo.” Remus shrugged.

“Could I?”

“I think so. You have a fireplace, right?”

“Yeah.” 

“Then my mom could send you some floo powder to get to us.”

“I dunno, Remus. I’ve never traveled by floo before.”

“Then maybe me or my mom could floo into your place, and then we can show you how. Plus,” Remus added, dropping his voice to more of a mumble, “Mum’ll probably want to meet your parents first anyways. She always does.”

Lily nodded, reaching for another cookie. “Mine are like that, too.”

They both ate their cookies in thought for a moment, considering the hoops they’d have to jump through to get their parents on board with the idea. Remus figured that he could talk his mom into it pretty easily- she was always excited when he made friends, and would probably be twice as much so about a fellow witch.

“I think we should try.” Remus stated. “Well- if you want to.”

“Yeah, I do. I think it’ll just be kinda hard since my parents aren’t really used to magic yet.”

“Yeah, but it would be fun! I mean, you’ve never been into a house with magic, right?” Lily shook her head. “I think you’d like it. We grow all kinds of magical plants, too. We should both write our parents and start setting it up.”

Remus noticed Lily’s smile creeping back. “Yeah, okay. That does sound fun. I’ll write them in my next letter. Do you guys have a phone?”

“We do.”

“Okay. I think my mum would probably want to talk over the phone with your mum first.”

“We can make that happen.” Remus affirmed, sliding his final cookie over the table. “Well, dinner is coming up. Do you wanna head down early so we can avoid doing homework?”

“Remus Lupin, I would love to.”

The final week of classes kicked Remus’s butt, as much as he didn’t want to admit so. Sirius seemed to have the level of composure that Remus had been striving for, but fallen short of. As things piled up and due dates began overlapping, Remus felt his ends absolutely fraying. Despite how well he was keeping track of things in his notebook he felt like everything was getting jumbled in his mind, and he had to continually go over his to-do lists. Sirius, on the other hand, flowed from one task to another with ease- not that he wasn’t working as hard as the rest of them, but that he just didn’t seem as worried about it. James became downright cranky, upset that all of their time and talks had to center around school when all he wanted to do was have fun before their holiday break. Peter was a pool of anxiety, sniffing out their help with studying and essays and everything else to do with classes. Lily told him that it was pretty similar in her dorm, with Marlene cracking under the pressure (despite being a great witch) and Dorcus unwilling to communicate in anything other than grunts. 

Remus felt like he had almost no time to visit with Cecil, since they ate at different tables and studied mostly with their own house-mates. He wanted to invite him over, too, like he had Lily, but never felt like there was a decent time to ask. In their last class together they agreed to find each other on the train to have a proper goodbye, and hopefully chat for a while. 

The night before they were set to leave, after all of their classes were done, the Remus and his roommates lay around their room in various states of dishevelment. From his bed, where he laid on his back eating chocolate chips Sirius had brought from the kitchens, Remus watched his friends kick around their belongings lazily.

“I just don’t wanna pack.” Peter moaned. “I wanna go home, but I don’t wanna have’ta pack!”

“Cheers, mate.” James saluted from the floor. 

“And you guys say I’m dramatic.” Sirius said, rolling his eyes. Despite his comment, Sirius was probably the least packed of them all. His trunk was out, but he wasn’t even attempting to fill it, instead flipping through a magazine he discovered under Peter’s bed. 

“You are dramatic, Sirius.” James monotoned. 

“He’s right, you are.” Remus agreed. 

Sirius shot him a dirty look. “Oi, you’re eating my spoils!” He said then, pointing his finger at Remus accusingly.

Remus dropped the pouch from his hand, hearing it land on the hardwood with a sort of clack-thump. He didn’t break his gaze with Sirius. “I don’t know to what you refer.” He said, swallowing his smile.

“The chocolate! I saw you drop it.”

Remus waved his open hands at Sirius. “I don’t have any chocolate.” 

“I know, because you-” Sirius huffed and got up from the bed, mumbling as he walked over. Remus swatted the bag under his bed. As soon as Sirius arrived, though, he crouched down and retrieved the baggie, eyeing Remus again. “Get your own!”

“I can’t!” Remus retorted. “You haven’t shown us where the kitchens are yet!”

“Oooooh!” James chimed in, looking at them excitedly from around the fireplace. “Let’s do that instead!”

“What, go to the kitchens?” Sirius answered. “It’s almost curfew, we’d never make it there and back without getting caught.”

“Psh!” James rolled his eyes. “We totally could.”

“I’d rather scrub cauldrons than pack, anyways.” Peter said from the back of the room.

James jumped up. “Then it’s decided! To the kitchens!”

“Fine.” Sirius said, clearly trying to hide a smile. “Remus, bring two of your jumpers. If we get caught we’ll say that we’re trying to find Cecil and return them.”

“Why would I have two of Cecil’s jumpers?” Remus asked, feeling a strange embarrassment burrow into his chest and warm his cheeks.

“I dunno. If we get caught I’ll come up with something. Alright- we have to act kinda lost and a little worried, but not too much. If we do get caught, let me do the talking. You guys are not that good at being sneaky.”

“Yes I am!” James protested. Remus got two of his still unpacked sweaters and met with the others around Sirius, who was rifling for sacks in one of his drawers. They bickered as they walked through the common room and down the stairs, descending into the expanse of Hogwarts. Most students were either packing or with friends in the common rooms, which Sirius said was a good thing. They walked as if they were headed to the Entrance Hall, and just when Remus thought that Sirius was going to lead them right outside he slipped into a passageway. They shuffled down steps and into a warm, well-lit corridor that was full of huge, colorful paintings. At the end of the hall was a jumble of old barrels. Sirius walked up to a painting of a fruit bowl and turned to look at them all, grinning as if he was very pleased with himself- which, Remus figured, he usually was. 

“Ready, lads?”

“Hurry up, already!” James whined, his anxious smile mirroring Sirius’. 

Sirius turned back and touched a green pear that loomed above their heads, tickling the painted fruit. Remus thought he heard a faint whisper of a twinkling laugh, but before he could consider it he noticed that the pear was morphing into something three-dimensional. He gawked as a giant, pear-like handle appeared before them and Sirius grabbed hold of it, swinging open the picture like a door. Sure enough, when they stepped through they were met with a massive room, like a ghost of the Great Hall. They all stepped in and marveled while Sirius shut the door and began walking over to one of the many shelves that lined the walls. Five tables identical to those of the Great Hall were set up in exactly the same spots. On the wall opposite to them there was a low, wide fireplace that was so long Remus guessed they could all lay down head to foot in front of it. The room was strangely empty, Remus noticed as he looked around. In fact, they were the only people there. 

“Sirius?” He called, turning to find him standing before a shelf stocked with sacks and boxes.

“Hm?” Sirius answered, already pouring more chocolate into a bag.

“I thought you said house elves run the kitchens.”

“They do.”

“Then, where are they?”

“I dunno, resting, hanging out. We just had our last dinner of the term. They’re going on break, too.”

“Huh, I hadn’t thought of that.” Remus said back. He noticed the dishes washing themselves in the row of huge basins on the right side of the room. James and Peter walked over to meet them, having finally taken in the whole scene. 

“Nice find, mate.” James said, giving Sirius a light punch on the arm. “How’d you do it?”

“I heard a rumor at a family party ages ago that you got into the kitchens by touching a painting, so when I got here I was determined to find it. It took forever, though. Who knew Hogwarts would have so many paintings? Plus, most of them do not like being touched at all. It was a lot of trial and error. I knew it would be here when I first stepped in, though. I mean, why else would there be a bunch of giant paintings of food in a hall that goes nowhere?”

They all nodded sagely, then collectively began raiding the kitchens of whatever goodies they could find. There was a chest full of ice creams that they helped themselves to after James wrestled some spoons out of the sinks. It was a glorious night, eating the cold dessert in the warm kitchen. No elves came to bother them, to Sirius’ surprise, so he left a note on the chest saying that they ate some ice cream and congratulating them on how delicious it was. None of them knew how late it was when they left, but it was undoubtedly past curfew. They snuck back up to the tower as quietly and nonchalantly as they could manage, succeeding until they noticed Filch’s part-cat-part-kneazle Sir Dersu on the stairs two flights below them. They sprinted up the final steps and rushed into the common room and up to their dormitory, closing the door and giggling amongst themselves madly. 

They were all in much better moods to pack after that, chatting as they did, and were ready when the time came to leave the next morning. The train ride went by much faster than Remus thought it would, and he felt heavy at the thought of leaving his new friends for the weeks ahead. He and Cecil had traded mailing addresses, though, and Lily had his house number so they could set up their visit after Christmas. He also had talked with Peter and James about sending owls, but Sirius had asked them all not to send any his way. That nasty, knotted feeling settled back into Remus during their conversation, but he swallowed it and clapped his friend on the shoulder, instead promising that the break would go by quickly. 

Sirius said his goodbyes on the train, giving each of them a long hug before dragging himself and his trunk onto the platform. Curious from his conversation weeks ago when Sirius had mentioned how unaffectionate his mother was, Remus tried to watch out the window for their reunion, but lost Sirius in the sea of faces. Peter left after that, and James and Remus split up at the platform, spotting their mothers on opposite sides. Remus weaved through people to his mum, who squatted down and wrapped him into a tight hug. She asked about James and insisted that she meet him and his family, so they walked over. Remus and James made faces at one another as their moms talked, rolling their eyes and giving cheesy smiles, then waving to one another as they split up again. They popped out of the platform and looked around for Lily in the muggle area of the station, but when they couldn’t find her they went back to platform 9 ¾ so they could floo home. 

Stepping out of the fireplace and into his living room was like a sigh of relief. Remus hadn’t noticed how much he had been missing home, probably because he was so happily overwhelmed with everything Hogwarts had to offer. He hugged Hope again, and she rubbed soothing circles into his back that caused the last of his stress to fade away. She peeled him off and turned the radio up a notch, then walked into the kitchen to make sandwiches for lunch. Remus flopped onto the couch as she did, taking in the cozy, cinnamon-y smell of his home.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a short (and late) update. Classes are really trying to kick my butt this semester! Maybe next week I'll get a full chapter posted?? Stay tuned to find out ;)

“Hey, honey?”

Remus faintly registered his mother calling him, too engrossed in his book to notice. He turned a page, racing through the words on the paper. 

“Reeeeemuuuuuuus!” Hope sang, cutting like a hatchet through his concentration. 

“What?!” He bellowed back.

“Dinner’s done!” 

“Let me finish this chapter.”

“You’re plate’s going to get cold!” She hollered back, but Remus was already reading again. When he did regretfully rise from his den on the couch, Hope was a few bites into her mashed potatoes. Buttery green beans were partially buried beneath his own potatoes, with a juicy pork chop laid beside. They were going to have roast chicken instead of pork, but Remus was finding it harder to enjoy roasted poultry with each passing month. 

“I tried to make it like Hogwarts does.” Hope said, scooping another forkful of potatoes and dabbing it into the pond of gravy swallowing her plate. 

“Whaddya mean?” 

“Well, they always do the green beans with lots of butter. And the potatoes are always stiff, but not dry. And the pork chops have this perfect crispy, brown outside, but I’m not sure I got it quite right.” 

“Iss delishus, mum.” Remus reassured, his mouth crammed full. 

Hope laughed and rolled her eyes, thinking as she chewed her next bite. “So,” she started, “Whatcha readin’?”

Remus took a moment to swallow his food before answering. “It’s a novel about Fiona Frenzik.”

“The werewolf lady from the 1700s? I thought you had read all of the books on her already?”

“I thought so, too. Turns out Hogwarts had two I hadn’t read yet, though. I found them a few weeks ago in the library.”

“Did you check them both out?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “I’m not a dummy, mummy. I only checked out one, and I’ll wait a while after this one gets returned to get the next one.” He modlily scooped a pile of food into his mouth.

Hope put her hands up, admitting to her skepticism. “You know I just want to make sure you’re safe. How’s that going, anyways? Are your friends convinced you have magical bronchiectasis?”

Remus nodded, and Hope picked out her next bite while she waited for him to swallow, wondering if maybe her potatoes had ended up dry and tacky after all.

“Yup. The potion still works fine. I make sure to have good days and bad days randomly. They’re all really sorry for me when I get sick. I’ve been able to keep the lie up, no mistakes yet.” 

“Well, that’s good.” She said, eyeing him. “And how are you with the whole thing?”

Hope watched as Remus pushed food around his plate, mouth closed in a wiggling line. He started a non-committal nod that made his hair bob. He shrugged. 

“Lying to my friends is hard.” He finally managed, voice cracking. Hope reached over to rub his shoulder lovingly. 

“I bet it is.”

Remus took a deep sigh and scooped up a bite. “But, it is what it is, huh? Just another great part of being a werewolf.” He jammed the fork into his mouth with a sense of finality, so Hope thought to leave the subject alone, switching the conversation around to something less gloomy.

“Speaking of friends, what’s the plan with Lily?” 

Remus looked up at his mom brightly. “We just need to phone to make the plans. She said after christmas would be best.”

“Well, that’s only a few days away. Let’s give a call tomorrow and see if we can work out the days. I’m excited to meet your friend!”

“Mum!” Remus looked at her in disbelief. “Don’t make it weird, we haven’t even called yet!”

“What?!” Hope exclaimed back. “I just said I’m excited to meet her!”

“No, you’re going to make it weird like you always do!” Remus pointed his fork accusingly.

Hope crossed her arms, smirking at her son. “How do I make it weird?” 

“You always use this weird voice, and you get overly excited and friendly and stuff- it’s creepy!” 

“I’m just trying to create a welcoming environment for your friends.”

“Well, try less.” Remus shot back, making Hope laugh.

Remus stood to get a plate of seconds then, sticking his tongue out as he passed. 

“So, I know it was no Hogwarts meal, but you liked it?” Hope asked from the table.

Remus struggled not to roll his eyes, plopping potatoes down with more force than he expected. “Mum, your food is always delicious. I eat Hogwarts stuff all the time. I want to eat your food now.” He picked a few green beans from the pan so that he wouldn’t get any grief and sat back down, giving his mom a pointed look.

“Well, that’s nice, honey. But Hogwarts has the best food around, and you’ll never change my mind on that.

Remus thought to mention his exploration into the kitchens, wondering if she had ever found them herself, but something pulled the thought back inside of him, and an idea sparked within his mind. Remus shrugged in response to his mom, mulling over the growing thought in silence. 

Christmas slugged by in a lazy swirl of food and friends and scented candles. Remus soaked up all of it that he could, sometimes just lying around the house taking in the life around him. Bishop seemed similarly content, following Remus from room to room. Two days after Boxing Day, as Bishop fluttered around the living room, Remus stepped through his fireplace and into Lily’s house. The whole family gasped, Lily included, which made Remus smirk. Both of the adults were in awe and their eyes at risk of falling out, despite how they tried to play the situation off. Mrs. Evans was on the phone with his own mother back at his house, and she immediately reassured Hope that her son had walked right out of their fireplace. They hung up and Hope came through behind him, carrying enough floo powder for the three of them to get back.

They had set it up for Lily to stay for three days, and Remus couldn’t be more excited. He introduced himself to the family, receiving a disgusted glare from a girl with thin lips when he stretched out his hand. They all smoothed over it, though, mostly distracted by the magic happening in their house and normal protective parent stuff. Lily had a blue canvas bag slung over her shoulders and her hair in a messy ball on her head. Remus liked seeing her in muggle clothes- perhaps because it was so much more familiar. They started catching up between their parent’s legs, giggling and whispering about their christmas presents and plans for their visit. Finally, Hope called for them to step towards the fireplace. They agreed that Remus would go first, to demonstrate and so that Lily would know if she was in the right house. Lily came through next, and they rushed to the phone before Mrs. Evans could have a panic attack. Hope stepped through a minute later, smiling warmly as Lily hung up the phone.


	13. Chapter 13

“Alright, kiddos.” Hope said, trotting over to the front door. “You guys are sure you’re okay to stay home while I head to work?”

Remus and Lily chimed their confirmation. 

“Okay. I’m just going to be there for a few hours. Shops are usually dead after christmas, so I’m mostly just there to do paperwork. I’ll be home long before dinner. Remus, call if you need anything.” Hope gathered her coat and purse, pulled leftovers from the fridge and came back into the living room to deposit a kiss on Remus’s head. “Lily, it’s lovely to have you here. I look forward to a better meeting over dinner. Sorry I have to rush out like this.”

“It’s fine, Mrs. Lupin!” Lily answered, giving a stiff wave as Hope stepped into the fireplace and vanished.

Remus and Lily turned to one another. “Want me to show you the house?” Remus asked. Lily nodded. Remus gestured for her to follow him to his bedroom, where Hope had set up a makeshift bed on the floor. Lily deposited her bag and commented on Remus’s books, so they stayed for a while and talked about various novels they had and hadn’t read. Remus was surprised to realise that Lily wasn’t familiar with any novels from the wizarding world, so he made a stack next to her bag of books that he insisted she read. He showed her where the bathroom was, and they peeked into his mom’s room. They perused the kitchen for snacks, nabbing a few cookies from atop the fridge and brewing tea. Lily was delighted when Remus tapped the kettle on the stove with his wand instead of lighting flame beneath it. 

“Doesn’t that count as using magic?” She asked as Remus climbed onto the counter to fetch them mugs. 

“Nope!” Remus answered brightly. “I didn’t cast anything so it doesn’t count. My mum casts the charm when it wears off, but all you have to do to activate it is tap it with a wand. Even a squib could pull it off.” Remus hopped off the counter as Lily mulled the information over.

When the tea was finished they cozied up on the floor before the fireplace. Bishop fluttered down to nustle Remus once they settled, which started Lily. They chatted about magic and the house for a while until Lily got the courage to ask about his father, which wasn’t something Remus had really discussed with her before. Remus told her the story of how his father had left once Remus had gotten sick, and then he kept on talking. He admitted to her that he didn’t trust alcohol, and that he hated it when his mum and aunts drank. He told her about their tight money situation, which he often tried to sidestep. He wasn’t embarrassed to be poor, he told her. Or at least, he didn’t want to be. Hope and Remus grew, brewed, made, and restored most of their things, and they were so good at it that his mum had opened a whole store where she could buy, restore, and sell just about anything that came through the doors. Lily seemed excited to see it and told Remus that she had never been to Diagon Ally before, so Remus promised that they would go with his mum tomorrow. 

They talked about public school, too, and Lily reminisced on her own life in Cokeworth. She talked about finding out that she was a witch, a story Remus had heard her tell more times than he cared to. She talked about Severus, too, which wasn’t unusual. Remus was interested to learn that he was also poor- probably as much so as he was. His suspicion that Lily and Severus harbored feelings for one another grew as she talked, and Remus made a note to ask her about it at a more appropriate time. She told Remus about how terrible the school she and her sister went to, and how her going to Hogwarts was driving her and her sister further apart. Sometimes, Lily said, she thought about leaving Hogwarts so that she could be with her sister again. That sent Remus on a deep thought into the contrasting relationships he and Lily had with Hogwarts: Remus never thought he would be able to go and was holding onto it in any way he could. Lily was welcomed with open arms, but still considered leaving- even though she didn’t want to. 

Teacups empty, Remus and Lily wrapped up their long, intense conversation with a while in silence, laying on their backs on the carpet. Remus eventually deposited their mugs into the sink and offered Lily a look at their brewing room, which lightened the mood between them considerably. Remus opened the door to a closet stashed between their kitchen and living room, laughing at Lily’s shocked face when she entered. The room had been charmed to be much larger on the inside, giving him and Hope a sort of magical office. They mostly used it to brew potions, which was evident upon entry. The benches along the walls were covered with cauldrons and distilling devices, and the walls themselves sported shelves filled with ingredients. Bundles of drying herbs hung from the ceiling and the window was cracked for ventilation, although a charm prevented any of the cold air outside from coming in. Still, the warm air was fragrant and alluring, and it comforted Remus immediately. 

“Wicked!” Lily exclaimed, smiling as she turned around the room. “I didn’t realize you and your mum brewed potions like this.”

“Yeah, we brew all sorts of things. Medicines, mostly.” Remus showed her the cauldron stirring his bronchiectasis ‘cure’, and another brewing a pain potion. “My mum makes stuff for work, too. Restorative potions and the like.” A baby blue potion was bubbling away in the corner, which Remus pointed to. 

“This is so cool!” Lily said. “You’re so lucky to have been able to grow up learning this stuff.”

Remus nodded in agreement. “My mom taught me a lot about magical plants and potions, since they’re things you can usually do without a wand.” Then, realising that what he said might sound a little suspicious he added, “Just because I didn’t have one- being young and all. A wand, I mean.” Lily nodded absently and Remus felt the sudden knotting in his stomach release a bit. “Do you want to make one?”

“What?” Lily said, her head snapping away from the ingredients she was inspecting. Before Remus could ask again she began gushing. “Wait- make a potion? Now? Can we!?”

“Sure! I’ll run to my room and grab our potions textbook. We can find something in there that we have the ingredients for.” Remus ran down the hall and rummaged around his desk until he found the right book, then jogged back to Lily. The laid out the pages and flipped through together, checking ingredient lists with what they had and skipping potions that seemed uninteresting. Eventually they found Volubilis Potion, which was mostly used to reverse Silencing Charms, but would also change the drinker’s voice if they weren’t charmed. It only needed six ingredients, all of which they had, and it didn’t need to brew or sit for a long while, which meant they could try it that day.

The pair bustled around the benches gathering ingredients and setting up their equipment. Because he couldn’t use magic, Remus had to light the burner by carrying it into the kitchen and lighting it with the stove, which was a huge pain. They got the base going and heated it until it was green, then poured in enough honeywater to turn it pink. The potion needed to be warmed again and have mint added, several times until it went through a few color shifts and returned to pink. They plopped stewed mandrake into the mixture and carefully poured hellebore syrup over top, then watched the bubbles shift from turquoise to red to yellow as it went through its final heating stage, rejoicing when they turned off the burner and the potion was exactly like the book described it should be. 

Remus found a jar to pour the potion into to cool, and they agreed to raid the kitchen again and go outside so Remus could show Lily their year-round garden. The two bundled up in scarves and trekked into the snowy backyard where Remus had helped Hope set up tarps over their garden rows years ago. Remus brushed snow off of a tarp and lifted it so Lily could peak in. Warmth drifted from the opening, smelling green and earthy. Looking down the tunnel Remus pointed out lettuce, cabbage, broccoli, and cauliflower. The other rows were filled with green beans, potatoes, beets, carrots, and just about anything else someone could grow in the usual summer months. With Hope’s heating charms they were able to grow year-round. Remus settled the tarp down again and trudged over to their little greenhouse, which Pop had helped them build two years ago.

Remus warned Lily ahead of time that it would be bigger on the inside, teasing her for how she always seemed equally surprised by magically sized rooms. They walked around the tables and Remus told her about each of the plants that they were growing, taking pride in his knowledge of herbology and enjoying the chance to show it off a bit. They had over-grown herbs and lots of different flowers, most of which were magical. Plants like peas trellised up the walls and dangling plants hung from the ceiling. Remus had to keep one vine from pulling Lily’s hair repeatedly, which she found rather hilarious. Remus explained that it was there to watch over the greenhouse for them, although it stole more tomatoes than it guarded. 

As Remus was explaining Hellebore, which they had used in their potion, Hope stepped into the greenhouse.

“What’re you lot doing out here?”

“Hey mum!” Remus said, giving Hope a side hug as she walked up to them. “I’m just showing Lily all the ways we use magic ‘round the house, since she didn’t grow up with any.” 

“Good idea. What’s been your favorite so far, Lily?”

“I really like this greenhouse, actually.” Lily answered, looking around her. “It seems like it would be cool to grow magical plants for help around the house or potions-” Lily giggled then, pointing to the vine snaking onto Hope’s shoulder and lovingly twirling her hair as it wrapped around her. “Or just for company.”

Hope rolled her eyes and pet the vine, making Lily laugh more. “Well, would you like some help getting a garden of your own started?”she asked. Remus was surprised by his mother’s offer, and looking at Lily he guessed that she was, too. 

“I- Well, I don’t-” Lily stammered, but Hope cut her off with a smile.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. I’d love to help a young witch explore her interests. Besides, Remus said you have a birthday next month! We can call it a birthday present.”

Lily smiled back, completely flushed. Remus stood between them, watching the interaction. “I suppose, if it’s not too much trouble. I don’t want to take anything from you.”

“Don’t worry, here’s what we’ll do,” Hope said, untangling herself from the vine and walking over to another table. “We’ll separate roots and clippings from some of the plants we already have, then you’ll have little parts of them to begin growing and we’ll still have the parent plant. It’s a win-win.”

Lily agreed and they walked around the greenhouse picking out plants for Lily to take back with her. She decided on a few non-magical herbs that were common in potions and salves, since she didn’t have a lot of experience with anything other than common houseplants. But Hope pushed her to take a few small magical plants, too- one that would change fragrance based on mood and that Hope insisted helped her focus during study sessions, as well as one that liked to dance when people around it moved and would grow yummy berries, and another that was plain but common in potions. In the end they picked out seven plants for Lily.

“So tomorrow at work I’ll find some cute trinkets that I can transfigure into small pots for all of these and when I get back we can get the clippings and plant them. How does that sound?”

Lily nodded.

“Actually, mum, Lily and I were wondering if we could go into work with you tomorrow. She’s never been to Diagon Ally.”

Hope turned a surprised eye to Lily. “Really, never? Well, I suppose that makes sense. I’m muggle born, too, and I didn’t go until my second year. Yes, you can come in with me tomorrow, then you can pick out the trinkets yourself. Even better.” 

Remus and Lily exchanged excited looks. 

“Alright, kiddos,” Hope said, brushing her hands and pushing the vine from her hair again. “It’s about time we go inside and get dinner going. I’m thinking a veg stew. How do we feel about that?”

The group shuffled back into the cold and hurried to the house, stomping the snow from their boots as they came in. 

“Mrs. Lupin?” Lily asked as her and Remus settled into the table and Hope began to busy herself in the kitchen.

“Hmm?”

“I still don’t know where I’ll put all of these plants.”

“Can’t you keep them in your dorm?”

“Probably. Won’t they need to stay warm, though?”

“We can give you some tarp and you can set up a makeshift cover for them.”

“How?”

“Hmm. You could transfigure some string into wood and use sticking charms to keep it all together.” 

Remus nodded, remembering how their greenhouse project had gone. 

“We did learn sticking charms, and I’m not too bad at them. I’m not sure I can transfigure string into wood, though.”

“Oh, I can teach you. It’s an easy one. I’m surprised Minerva didn’t start out with it.”

Remus leaned over to Lily and whispered, “My mum’s really good at transfiguration. She could teach you how to turn anything into anything.” 

“Remus, stop whispering about me. Lily, honey, I’ll show you how to do it tomorrow, and I’ll write it down so you don’t forget.”

“Okay, thanks Mrs. Lupin. Um, one more question, actually.” Hope nodded for her to continue. “What should I do with them until I get back to Hogwarts? I’m not sure I have the space to make a mini-greenhouse in my room. My sister and I share.”

Hope thought her answer over as she finished cutting carrots. “Well, we could keep them for you. When you head back to Hogwarts I’ll have Remus bring them with him, then you can set everything up in your room. They’re rather fragile when they get split off and replanted anyways, so I could make sure they’re all properly rooted before travel. How’s that sound?”

Lily nodded in affirmation. “That sounds great, Mrs. Lupin. Thank you.”

“No problem, honey. And you can call me Hope. Everyone does.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon making dinner and talking about all sorts of things. Remus eventually produced the Volubilis potion they had brewed earlier, which neither of them had tried. While the stew simmered, Hope cast a silencing charm on Remus and had him take a swig of the potion to see how effective it was. He was cured immediately, so they took turns drinking the stuff and laughing at their funny voices. After dinner Remus and Lily retired to the bedroom, tired from their exciting day but not nearly sleepy enough to consider going to bed. 

“I had a ton of fun today.” Lily said as she crawled under her blankets, already changed into pajamas.

Remus was just coming back from changing himself. “Me too.” he answered, closing the door behind him. “And it was only the first day.”

“I know! I can’t wait for tomorrow. I’ve heard such great things about Diagon Ally. And your mum’s shop sounds cool. 

“It is pretty cool. I have some piggy bank money so that we can go out and fetch lunch, too. There’s this one cafe that has great sodas.”

“Oh, my dad gave me some money in case we went out to eat. I guess it won’t help much, though. It’s muggle money.”

Remus laughed. “No, I don’t think that’ll do us any good. It’s no problem, I have money.” He got out of bed and walked over to his bookshelf, where he pointed out a regular piggy bank and a really colorful one. “This is my muggle money piggy bank,” he said pointing to the plain one, “And this is my wizard money one.” He picked up the colorful pig and brought it back to bed with him, popping out the stopper and shaking coins out of it. Lily helped him count out enough for lunch and a little more in case they found something worth buying, which left only a few coins for Remus to put back on the shelf. 

The next morning Remus and Lily bustled around along with Hope, making breakfast and sharing the bathroom so that they could get into the shop on time- even though they weren’t going in until ten. Right on time the group stepped into the fireplace, coming out into the refurbishment shop Last Hope. Remus and his mom showed Lily around the shop, pointing out particularly difficult projects and interesting pieces. They had a wall of restored books, a whole closet of clothes, and the larger room filled with furniture of all kinds. In the back was tucked a little office, and at the front a sales desk. Remus’s favorite part was along the back wall, where Hope had her workbench. It was filled with solutions and all kinds of tools- magic or otherwise- to help her get everything into tip-top shape. 

Lily and Remus skipped through the snowy Diagon Ally together, weaving in and out of shops as they went. Lunch came quickly, so the pair got sandwiches and sodas from Cafe Boozensai. Lily was just as impressed with the flavor-changing sodas as Remus had hoped she would be. By the time they scurried back into Hope’s shop to warm and rest it was nearly time to leave. They walked through the shop again to find things that could be turned into flower pots, Hope procuring a pot holder with a funky pattern and Lily a fancy candle holder. Hope walked them through the spells until they could both imitate her well, promising that they would find the string-to-wood trick useful throughout their lives. When they were done Hope suggested that they pack up for the day. Not wanting to lie around the house when they got home, Remus protested. He convinced his mum that Lily wanted to have a fashion show first, which Lily had smoothly hopped on board with rather quickly. Hope conceded, leaving to focus on paperwork while they worked the silly out of their systems. Remus and Lily tried on mounds of outfits, laughing at their antique clothes and the terrible fashion sense of wizards past until they had gone through nearly a quarter of the racks. When Lily debuted an enormous dress Remus literally fell onto the floor laughing, which led to Hope venturing into the fray and quickly getting dragged into the mess herself.

“Alright, you two.” Hope said eventually, magically sorting the outfits back onto the racks. “I think it’s time we head home.” Tuckered out and feeling fulfilled, Lily and Remus agreed easily. 

Remus helped cut squash for dinner while Lily talked with her parents and Hope prepared the burger. Dinner came together quickly. They ate together, Remus and Lily telling Hope of their adventures in the other shops. They hadn’t bought anything, but they had loads of fun. Hope shooed them away to the bedroom afterwards, insisting that she get some quiet time to read by the living room fireplace before bed. 

“Well,” Lily said once they had settled in, “I’m dying to know. What’s the hot gossip in the boys room?”

Remus propped himself onto his elbow, facing Lily on the floor. He felt his eyebrows knit together at her question. “What?” 

“You know, what’s going on? Any drama? Does anyone have any crushes?”

“Any crushes?” Remus repeated. 

“Yeah!” Lily was smiling at him and picking at her fingers. 

“Uh, not really. Not that I know of.”

“Ugh!” Lily rolled her eyes and chucked a pillow at him. “Rubbish! That simply cannot be true.”

Remus felt his mind move faster, but no memories of crushes or drama really came to him. “I guess, Peter says that that one girl- Pammy, I think- is cute a lot. Do you think that’s a crush?”

Lily rolled her eyes again. “You lot are so helpless!” she cried. “Fine, new question- since that one was clearly useless.” 

Remus threw her pillow back at her. 

“Remus Lupin,” she said then, and her saucy tone made Remus’s heart beat an extra time. “Do you have a crush?”

Remus felt his mind go from moving quickly to absolutely revolving. Did he have a crush? He sat, mulling over her question from a million angles at once, each more involuntary than the last. 

“Uh, earth to Remus!” Lily said, laughing and waving an arm. “You alright over there? It looks like I broke you.”

“Um.” Remus responded. After another moment of thinking he said, “What makes a crush?” 

“It’s someone that you think about a lot, and that you want to hold hands with and touch and stuff. Like, kiss.”

For a moment, the image of Cecil across from him on the train flashed through Remus’s mind. Remus pushed the thought away, but suddenly his memory was bombarding him with thoughts of Cecil: How Remus would bump their shoulders together in class, how badly Remus wanted to touch his hair, Cecil looking confident on a broomstick. He quickly built a wall around those thoughts, turning back to Lily. 

“No, I don’t think I feel that way about anyone.” He said, but the jig was up before it started. Remus could feel the pink in his cheeks, and he felt like he didn’t know where to look or what to do with his hands. 

“Liar!” Lily said with a massive grin on her face. “Who is it?”

“I can’t tell you!” Remus answered, panic flitting through his mind. Could he tell Lily that he was thinking about Cecil?

“Why not?” 

“I didn’t realize I had a crush until you just said something!” Remus replied truthfully.

“So? You can still tell me. I won’t share.”

Remus shook his head. “Nope. I need time to decide if it’s really a crush. You tell me about yours instead.”

Lily pulled a face. “Well, that’s hardly fair.” She sighed. “Fine. I don’t have any major crushes, but I do like Gideon from DADA. I think he’s cute.” Blush rose into Lily’s cheeks, too, and Remus began to feel more normal. He blocked Cecil from his mind, focusing instead on occupying Lily with questions until they could go to sleep and Remus could think.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst? Angst. Sorry guys, it had to be done.

Remus hadn’t realized how much he missed the bustling warmth of the train platform until he was there again. Saying goodbye to his mom was a little easier this time, although it was still bittersweet. After only his first term Remus noticed that he was already beginning to appreciate his mum and their home more. Planning Lily’s new garden had made him long for his own, so they had potted two magical plants for him, too- that way he would have another piece of home in the dorm with him. Remus rolled his trunk behind him and carried a wooden briefcase that was magically storing the plants in his other hand. Hope had blinked back most of her tears this time, but Remus hoped that she was trying to hold onto the feeling of their last hug just like he was.

The train had a more mischievous feeling than the platform did, but it was just as energetic. Remus walked down the row eyeing the rooms. He had glimpsed Sirius slinking onto the train earlier, but he hadn’t seen any of his other friends in the madness. Finally, Remus found Sirius huddled into the near corner of a carriage. His head was resting on the glass and his eyes were trained on the floor of the walkway. He looked shriveled up in the corner, like he was trying to suck further into himself until he folded up and was gone. Waves of emotion rocked over Remus at the sight of Sirius like this: Rage, pity, disbelief, and heartbreak rushed through him at incredible speeds, making his heart heavy with it all. Remus knelt down, not wanting to scare Sirius by tapping on the glass. Sirius’ eyes flicked up to his own and a tiny, tired smile briefly crossed his lips. Not wanting to stand in everyone else’s way, Remus quickly stood back up and hauled himself and his things into the room. 

Sirius turned to him as Remus entered, straightening up from his decrepit position. Remus put away his trunk with surprising ease, which made him wonder just how much lighter it was with half his stuff at Hogwarts. He plopped down across from Sirius, who was sheepishly rubbing his eyes. 

“Hiya, Sirius.” he tried, giving Sirius a lopsided smile. 

Sirius looked up and mirrored him. “Hey, Remus.”

“I take it you had splendid holidays at home?”

Sirius rolled his eyes and gave Remus what Hope would call a ‘Remus is being a smart-arse’ look. “Oh, yeah,” he answered sarcastically, “I had loads of fun. My parents were so loving and I got to hang out with all of my friends and all of my estranged family members were downright pleasant to be around.”

“That much fun, huh?”

“That much.” Sirius parrotted. 

Remus shuffled the briefcase behind his legs, desperately thinking of something to say. Sirius watched him, nodding at the case and asking, “Whatcha got there?”

“This?” Remus answered, pointing to it. Sirius nodded. “Oh, some plants.” He slid down to the floor to open it for Sirius to see.

“Plants? What for?” Sirius slithered down to meet him, crunching them both together between the seats. Remus explained Lily’s visit and his mum’s offer to help her build a collection. 

“Wow,” Sirius said, rolling back onto the floor. His voice was flat again, deflated. “That sounds like a great time.” 

“It wasn’t too bad.” Remus said nonchalantly, trying to think of another new way to steer the conversation. “Oh! I have something to ask you.”

They both scooted back onto the benches, watching one another. Sirius was looking at Remus with interest and was about to say something when the door to their carriage slid open. Cecil’s smiling face popped into the room. “Remus, Sirius! It’s so good to see you both.” He stepped in the rest of the way, moving so that people behind him could get by.

Remus’s body started to heat up immediately. He scootched towards the window to put ample space between him and Cecil. Suddenly, he couldn’t recall how far away he normally sat from his friends. Cecil was looking between him and Sirius, beaming at both of them. Remus smiled back, looking down when their eyes met because he could feel a blush in his cheeks. “It’s good to see you, too.” He said.

“How were your breaks?” Cecil asked.

Remus was transfixed. Cecil was standing there in a green sweater that made him look like a child model. It had only been a few weeks that they had been apart, but Remus felt like Cecil had changed. Maybe, he thought, it was just how Remus was seeing him that changed. Remus was grateful when Sirius began talking. He desperately felt like he needed more time to gather himself and his thoughts. He didn’t want Cecil to think he was being weird and start avoiding him, so Remus tried to push down the awkward feelings that were gurgling inside. He cursed Lily in his mind for bringing this whole situation up. He hadn’t felt like this about anyone before, and he certainly hadn’t expected to feel like this about a boy. He thought about his aunts and remembered the time he realized that it wasn’t usual for two ladies- or two boys- to be together as a couple. 

“Remus?”

Remus snapped to attention. “Huh?” Cecil and Sirius were both staring at him intently, mild worry creasing their brows. 

“Cecil asked you how your break was.” Sirius explained.

“Oh! Uhm, it was good. Very relaxing.” Cecil was nodding along, so Remus tried to say something more interesting. “I read some great books.” Remus mentally kicked himself for saying something so dumb, then again for thinking that he sounded dumb at all. He did read some great books- it wasn’t a lie. 

“That’s great to hear.” Cecil answered, smiling at Remus in a way that he didn’t want to forget. “Well lads, I wish I could stay and catch up but some friends from Hufflepuff already asked me to sit with them. Do you think we can meet up some other time and talk?”

Remus nodded and smiled. “That sounds great! Uh, we have all weekend before classes start. Do you want to meet on Saturday?” 

“Saturday sounds great!” Cecil answered, backing out of the room. “I’ll come over at dinner sometime to make plans. Sound good?”

Sirius and Remus nodded and waved him out, watching as James came up in the hall behind him and clapped him on the back. “Cecil, mate!” came his voice through the glass. They exchanged pleasantries and Cecil went on his way, leaving James to crash into the room.

“Friends!” James cried, dropping his trunk and flopping himself onto Sirius. “Sweet, sweet friends! How I missed thee!” He pulled himself off of Sirius and threw his body onto Remus, who struggled to contain James in his hug. 

“James, mate, how was the break?!” Sirius said, pulling his friend’s trunk off of the ground and out of the way. James got up to help him, leaving Remus to crowd himself onto the bench. 

“It was awful! I missed you lot so much. I love my family but they’re, you know, family.” The pair plopped back down on the bench opposite of Remus. James didn’t spare his voice for a moment, talking so animatedly that Remus wondered if he had drunk a Pepper Up potion, “It was all decorations and wrapping presents and making ourselves presentable. I was bored out of my mind! I’m so glad we’re headed back to our dorm. I swear, I don’t know how I’ll make it in the summer. Mum and Dad already agreed to have all of you over, and that I can go visit you guys! Won’t that be great?”

Sirius snorted. “Ya, Potter. You dunce. Do you really think that my family will allow me to visit our mortal enemy?” His eyes slid to meet Remus’ “Or even Peter and Remus? If they’re not rich and evil, I’m not allowed to associate.”

James didn’t bat an eye. “We’ll work it out.” 

“Good luck with that.” Sirius answered bitterly. 

James turned to Remus, ignoring Sirius completely. “So, Remus, what did you get for christmas?”

“Oh, um, I didn’t get much. We don’t give a lot of gifts. I did get a really nice, new book, though. It’s called Spells for Scholarly Success. It’s got loads of useful spells to help with classes and stuff.”

“That doesn’t sound very fun.” James said. After a moment he added, “But it does sound like you.” 

Remus scoffed. “Excuse me, Lord Potter?” he said in a mocking tone, waving his hands around in a flimsy way. “I’m so sorry that my interests are not so interesting to you. I’ll do everything in my power to fix the issue with haste.”

Sirius giggled. James rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.” he said back. 

“Oh, what a lovely apology.” Remus lamented. “I accept, even though you were a total arse.” 

James huffed and turned to the window. 

“He’s right, you were an arse.” Sirius said. 

The door clicked again and they turned to see Peter stepping in. “Who’s being an arse?” he asked, grinning at them. 

“Pete!” Remus said, standing to hug his friend. “How’re you?” 

“Oh, fine. Ready to get away from my crazy family.” He huffed as he tried to maneuver his trunk onto the rack. “Can I get a hand?” 

Everyone jumped up to help him before the trunk teetered back to the ground. Not long after they sat back down the train chugged its way out of the station and to their second home. 

That night Remus waited for the others to change before he went into the bathroom with his pajamas, like he always did at Hogwarts. Having talked about nearly everything on the ride in and over dinner, his roommates were out of things to say. Over pudding Peter had realized that he only did half of his assignments, so they all agreed to have a peacefully quiet night in the dorm, giving Remus ample time to slip away.

He watched his reflection intently as he brushed his teeth, inspecting his face and body as he did so. His hair was just long enough to sometimes be messy, but he never did much with it either way. Now he poked at it, trying to smooth down parts that were sticking up. When he gave up on his hair, realizing that only a gel would help him, Remus moved on to his facial features. His ears were normal, not too big or small. His eyes were a muted green that he didn’t like much. When he leaned in he saw the splay of colors in them; the green was brownish in some areas and more grey in others, as if his eyes couldn’t decide what they wanted to be. His chin wasn’t pointed like James’ or squared off like Sirius’, but more rounded off and undefined. He didn’t like it much. His least favorite part, though, was his nose. It jutted out of his face like a beak. Remus grabbed a hold of his nose, a faint part of him hoping he could push it back in, but it was solid in his hand. Remus sighed, unhappy with himself, and spit the toothpaste from his mouth. He didn’t think he was ugly, but compared with the other folk around him Remus felt inadequate. He rinsed out his toothbrush and ran his hand through his hair again, wondering if he should grow it out. 

After his lackluster survey of his face Remus wasn’t particularly interested in undressing in front of the mirror, but he watched himself anyways. He pulled the jumper and shirt from his back, letting them pile onto the floor. His chest was dotted with freckles, none of which he minded much. On his right side he had a rather large one that Pomfrey had said was turning into a mole. Remus wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, but she said it wasn’t dangerous. A set of two freckles were by his collar on his left side, and he liked those ones, too. The rest were faint, although he did notice that he had more than he thought he did. Then, dreading what he would see, Remus began to turn, keeping his eyes on the mirror. 

Same as always, a massive scar tore across Remus’ back. It’s lines were jagged but parallel, running over his shoulder blades and down to his hips. At the top it was absolutely mutilated, a mess of tissue. Anyone who didn’t know the story already would never be able to guess what had caused such an injury- sometimes Remus tried to match the events up with the scars he saw and wasn’t able to put it all together himself. Just looking at it Remus felt a phantom of the pain from when the scars were formed- a shadow of a shadow of what he had felt that night. The claws that had flayed his back open, and the warm pain that made him almost faint. And then the mouth in his wound, licking and biting at his spine, gnawing him like a turkey leg. And the cold nose that came with it, which was such an unexpected and odd sensation that Remus hadn’t been able to place it for days after he came around. 

Remus shivered and turned forward again, reaching around to touch the raised skin of his back, just to confirm that it was undeniably there. It was. He found his pajama shirt and put it on quickly, suddenly worried that one of his roommates might barge in. He shucked off his pants and yanked the others on, enjoying the softness of the cotton, then collected himself and left. 

They played a half-hearted round of gobstones before bed, vowing to get into mischief in the morning, preferably in the lingering snow outside. Remus was mostly present for it, but a part of his mind spent the night wandering. When he drew the curtains around his bed later he cast a silencing charm, wanting to feel complete privacy while he dealt with the feelings within him. He snuggled under the covers and confronted the question in his brain head on: Remus Lupin, are you gay? It was something he had flitted around after Lily left, but that he had somewhat cast aside, unsure of how to begin answering it. But now, after seeing Cecil on the train and turning into absolute jelly, he felt like the answer was building itself. After all, he figured, he had read his fair share of novels. He knew what the characters reported when they had feelings for someone: Nervousness, shyness, not knowing what to say, blushing, not being able to stop thinking about that person. Remus was ticking all the boxes when it came to Cecil.

Remus thought back to his scar, and to his lythrocampy. He hadn’t talked about it with his mum much, not since he was really little, but he considered his chances of ever finding love. He would never be able to reveal his identity, which meant he could never build a true, strong, long lasting relationship. But if he was gay, too… His aunts had told him about the scrutiny their lives faced, especially in the wizarding world. If he was gay, he might not be able to find someone willing to so much as kiss him. The thought made his heart sink, and in his room filled with friends he couldn’t help but to feel incredibly lonely. Remus rolled over and curled in on himself, allowing his racing mind to flood with drowning levels of self pity.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another late chapter, sorry! I figured it would be better to take the extra day to give you guys a decent update than to make a half-assed post last night. I hope it's worth the wait :)

Remus couldn’t help but roll his eyes. The breakfast pastries were in cutesy Valentines shapes, like hearts and arrows and love potions. Even the fried eggs were shaped like hearts. Remus dropped his bag as he sat at the bench, alarmed when he heard the old wood beneath him splinter slightly. He ignored it and moodily made his morning cup of tea, deciding to add a touch of chamomile in an attempt to calm himself. It was barely eight in the morning and already Remus felt ready to stab someone with a fork. 

Down the table from Remus three different couples were kissing, completely disregarding everyone else in the hall. Remus wanted to hex them. He had come down to breakfast without his friends to escape the drowning amount of Valentines stuff in the common room, which he had only been in to escape the disgusting pining of his roommates. Remus jammed a sausage into his mouth and reached for his bag, figuring something in there could distract him from the madness around the room. He scanned his notebook for that week’s assignments, but the only thing he hadn’t done yet was a reading on the theory of love-based magic for DADA. Remus shut the book bitterly and exchanged it for a novel he had checked out from the library, but two pages in the obvious romantic interest entered and Remus decided that he just couldn’t take it, so he put that away, too. 

When Lily and Marlene came in they were giggling and pointing around, and as they walked up to the table they both looked at Remus with wide eyes, laughing and whispering. Remus willed himself not to slam his head into the table. 

“Hi, Remus,” Marlene said as they sat across from him, “and happy Valentine’s day.” She and Lily shared a loaded look. 

“Mmmn.” Remus answered without looking up. He stabbed another sausage with his fork.

“We made you valentines.” Lily said, handing him a small envelope. Marlene fished around her pockets and produced a card with a candy stuck to it. Remus took them both and smiled at his friends, scanning the notes and tucking them safely in his bag. The chocolate went into his pocket for later. 

“Thanks,” Remus said, “I didn’t know that we were supposed to do valentines. I didn’t make any for you guys.”

“No problem!” Lily said, gingerly fixing an egg onto her toast. “We didn’t have to, but we thought it would be fun to make valentines for our friends. Don’t feel bad.” 

“Good, then I won’t.” He answered. Marlene began saying something then, but Remus didn’t catch it. He was too distracted by his roommates sauntering up to the table. They had clearly been in the bathroom where he left them, gelling their hair and helping each other pick out clothes. Remus audibly groaned, unready and unwilling to spend another minute of the day alive. James and Peter had their hair smoothed over, making both of them look like complete dorks. Sirius’s hair was just as shiny and thick as theirs was, but it was styled like it was every day, hanging loosely around his head. The combination was disastrous, making his hair clump together in heavy looking pieces. Sirius played it off like it wasn’t happening, but Remus knew that he would snap if he mentioned it, and Remus felt like at least someone else needed to be as miserable as he was. 

“Gentlemen,” Remus said, nodding at them with a smirk. “Sirius…” 

“Yes, boring ol’ Lupin?” Sirius said back, pouring a cup of tea. 

“I must say, your hair looks marvelous today.” Remus stared at Sirius and took a bite of a chive scone. 

“Damnit!” Sirius said, throwing his hands up and rolling his eyes. He fixed Peter and James in his gaze.

Remus smiled coyly at the girls, who were stifling laughs. 

Sirius wagged his pointed finger at his friends, leaning over the table menacingly while he yelled at them. “You arses convinced me to put the gel in. It was awful. I asked for help getting it out. Neither of you were helpful. I asked if my hair looked better up, and you both laughed. And now what!? I look like a damn fool on Valentine’s day!” Sirius huffed as he pulled his hair into a glistening ponytail. 

“Here, Sirius,” Lily said, sliding a valentine over the table to him. “Maybe this’ll make you feel better.” 

“Thanks, but I’m not interested in feeling better.” Sirius scanned the valentine and pocketed it, taking another from Marlene. “I’m interested in looking better.” 

The whole weekend people had been absolutely insufferable. Remus felt as though the world had realized that he was finally confronting his feelings about other people and the idea of having crushes and even being gay, and so decided to shove everything relationship related down his throat. In potions they had brewed a love potion antidote that week, because apparently someone got poisoned with the stuff every year even though love potions were banned at Hogwarts. In herbology they had been dealing with star-crossed flowers, which naturally produced a mild love potion, and singing daisies, just in case anyone wanted to impress their crush with harmonizing plants. Even in transfiguration McGonagall had them coming up with teddy bears and flowers. 

Then, before he could even get out of the dorm, Remus was bombarded by questions about who he fancied or if he was going to dress up or who he thought might give him valentines. But the more he ignored the questions the more sure everyone became that he really did fancy someone. Well, Remus mused, he supposed that he did. But everyone kept talking about girls and kissing in the hallways, and it made Remus feel angry and sick. Before he could even come to terms with the idea of being gay in his own mind he felt like the world was trying to shame him for it. Remus shook his head. He was ashamed of himself, but not for being gay; Remus knew that if his aunts could see into his head they would be so sad and disappointed to know that he was even having those thoughts. They had spent his whole life teaching him to be proud of who he was, and being strong examples against the world, and now he couldn’t even make it through a stupid holiday without feeling like crap.

Remus thought about sending them a letter, but he figured he should talk to his mum, first. He didn’t want to tell her about this through mail though. Remus sighed. He guessed it would have to wait. 

A hand waving before his face pulled Remus from his reverie. “What?” he spat.

“Merlin’s beard, Remus,” said James, fixing him with a look, “What’s gotten into you today? You’re kinda being an arse.” 

Remus huffed. “I just don’t fancy the holiday, is all.” 

“Well, you better get over it,” James answered back, “‘Cause I heard it only gets crazier as the day goes on.” He waggled his eyebrows. 

As if on cue, a scene erupted in the middle of the hall. A Ravenclaw squealing, “No! Joshua, no!” hustled out of the room, followed by a tall fellow yelling, “Nancy, wait! I love you!” A group of Ravenclaws extracted themselves from the bench and followed after, jostling one another accusingly as they went. 

Remus suffered through the rest of breakfast, trying to ignore everything around him and sinking further into misery. He realized that the only place he could possibly get away from the madness would be his personal room in the Hospital Wing, so he began clearing his throat and coughing a lot. The group mosied up to their room after a bit, where Remus made a show of drinking his ‘medicine’ and laying down. When his symptoms only got worse everyone helped him pack a bag and offered to walk him to the wing, but he refused. Remus just wanted to get away. 

When he got to the Hospital Wing the doors were open. Before he walked through he could hear chatter flowing into the halls in waves. Shouts and giggles bounced off of the walls around him. When he entered it was clear why- the hospital beds were full of students, and each bed had a few students around it, talking and pointing. The students in the beds seemed to be stuck there with some sort of charm. Some of them were trying really hard to get out while others were lying contently, looking dazed. A few had silence charms cast around them, but were obviously yelling at the top of their lungs. Madame Pompfrey was bustling from bed to bed, shooing students out of her way. A sling of potions was hanging from her shoulder and her wand was jammed between her head and cap. 

Remus slinked through the crowd, hoping he could make it to his room without bothing the matron. He barely made it a third of the way, though, when Pompfrey looked up and saw him. Her eyebrows knitted together, and she finished feeding a potion to a student quickly, rushing over to meet Remus instead. 

“Mr. Lupin, what are you doing here. Are you alright?” she asked, readjusting her sling and looking around as she talked. 

“I’m okay, but I thought it would be a good idea to have a fake sick day to throw people off.” 

Pompfrey gave him a mischievous look. “Is that right, Mr. Lupin? And I’m sure it has nothing to do with the particular madness of Valentine’s day?”

Remus blushed, embarrassed to be caught in the act. “Oh,” he said, returning her look, “was it Valentine’s day? I hadn’t noticed.” 

Pompfrey laughed and patted him on the shoulder. She leaned down and lowered her voice, saying, “Go right on in, Mr. Lupin. The door’s always open for you.” 

She smiled again and gave him one last shoulder pat, then twirled away to attend to her students. 

Remus walked back to his room and ducked in, delighted to hear it go absolutely silent when the door clicked shut. He hopped onto his bed and toed off his shoes, then rolled over to find a decent cassette tape to put on. Remus settled in right away with a book from his huge shelf, deciding to go with a herbology textbook so that there would be no romance whatsoever. Later on he finally got his DADA reading done, and he found that the subject was actually incredibly interesting, even if it was all theoretical.

When it was nearly one in the afternoon Remus decided to sneak back out for lunch. He figured that he could probably come up with a decent excuse as to why he was up and about if he ran into anyone, and he especially didn’t want to bother Pompfrey with lunch. He made it all the way into the Great Hall and through his lunch without being caught, which made for a lonely meal. But, Remus figured, it was probably better than dealing with his friends right now. Remus was just leaving the hall, having decided to spend the rest of the afternoon in his little room, when he heard his name being called. Remus whirled around to see Marlene and Lily coming at him. They were linked at the elbows and moving towards him quickly. Remus thought to run, wondering if this was a love potion prank, but he noticed that Lily was crying. 

“Remus!” Marlene called again, beckoning him over. Remus hustled over to meet them.

“What happened?”

Marlene sighed. “It’s Severus. He asked Lily to be his girlfriend. 

“Oh, wow.” Remus said. Of all the crazy things he had expected to happen, that wasn’t one of them. 

Lily was trying to hold a straight face, but her eyes were wet and her chin was wobbling. He walked to the other side of her and linked elbows. 

“Why don’t we go to one of the greenhouses,” Remus suggested, “So we have somewhere warm and private to talk?”

Lily nodded. They shot out of the castle, Remus and Marlene guiding Lily so that she could keep her head down. Her hair was like a curtain for her face, Remus noticed, keeping everyone from seeing her cry. 

Their walk to the greenhouses was brisk, the cold February air pushing them to move fast. Marlene ducked into two greenhouses that already had occupants, then ushered them into a third. They found stools and crates to sit on and waited for Lily to collect herself. After a minute of sniffling with her head in her hands, she looked up to them with wide eyes and red cheeks. 

“Why did he have to do that?” She croaked. 

Unsure of what to say, Remus shook his head. 

“Why don’t you tell Remus what happened?” Marlene suggested. 

Lily nodded. She took a shaky breath. “Severus asked me to go for a walk with him. I said yes. We started walking around on some of the higher floors- you know, the less busy ones. We weren’t talking about anything in particular, and I thought he had just wanted to get away from all of the craziness of today, ‘cause, you know, it’s not really his style. And I kinda did, too, so I was happy to have a little break from it all with Severus, ‘cause-” Lily’s voice became squeaky. She sucked in a breath, trying not to cry. “‘Cause he’s my best friend, you know?” 

Lily ducked her head again. Marlene reached over to pat her shoulder and gave Remus a pitying look. Remus shrugged and nodded. They waited for Lily to continue her story. 

“So, at some point,” Lily said after she had stifled her crying and sat back up, “in an empty hall he stopped. And he was all nervous. He started talking about how much he liked being friends with me and stuff. And then he pulls out this crazy valentine-” Lily reached into her robe pocket and produced a card that was changing colors. Remus took it from her and turned it over, shocked by what he was seeing. It certainly didn’t seem like the type of thing that Severus would make. It was shaped like a heart and was radiating through the colors purple, blue, and red. He turned it over and read, in scratchy cursive, “Lily, will you be my valentine?”

“Wow.” Remus said, handing it back to her. 

“I know!” Lily answered, throwing her hands up and snatching the card back. “He gives me this disastrous thing and asks if I want to be his girlfriend, and starts talking about Hogsmeade and how that can be our first real date!” 

“What did you do?”

“I didn’t know what to do.” Lily said, suddenly much calmer. Her and Marlene were staring at each other now. “So I said something along the lines of wanting to be just friends, and then I turned around and ran away.” 

Her and Marlene both looked to Remus, searching for his reaction. He didn’t have one, though, more in shock than anything else. “You ran away from him?” 

Lily nodded. 

Remus thought for a moment about what it would be like to admit to someone that he liked them and have them run away. It didn’t feel good. In fact, it’s what he was dreading now that he knew he was gay. He imagined how hurt and embarrassed Severus must be feeling. 

“The worst part is that I know running hurt him. I know he must be so upset right now. But I just didn’t know what to do! It had never even crossed my mind, and apparently Severus has been feeling this way all along! That’s what he said, by the way,” Lily said, looking at Remus, “He said that he had been wanting to ask me for a while.” Lily sighed and leaned back onto a table, thunking her head on it and looking toward the ceiling. “I just wanted to keep being best friends, and now we might not be friends at all.” 

Marlene scooted forward. “Hey, I doubt that’s true. I’m sure this will all be weird for a little bit, and then it’ll blow right over. You don’t really think that you guys will stop being friends, do you?” 

Lily sighed again. “I don’t know. I guess not.” 

“Then there’s nothing to worry about.” Marlene said, leaning back. 

“Well, should I talk to him about it? I- well, I don’t know. Do I need to apologise?” 

The three of them sat in thought for a while, considering who was in the right and wrong. At first Remus wanted to say no, that she hadn’t done anything wrong, but the more he thought about it the less he believed it. If she hadn’t run the situation probably wouldn’t be so bad. And how could Severus be in the wrong? All he had done was share his feelings. 

Eventually, Remus spoke up. “If you guys talk, which you probably will and should, I think you should apologise for running. But other than that, you didn’t do anything wrong.” 

Marlene nodded, and Lily did too. “I think you’re right. I need to tell him how I feel.” said Lily, wiping the last bit of tears and goop from her eyes. 

They sat for a while longer, enjoying the tranquil warmth of the greenhouse. When Lily was ready to leave they linked arms and scuttled back to the castle, beelining for the Gryffindor common room. Once they were warmed up and settled, Lily left to hunt around for Severus. 

Sitting on the floor by the fireplace, Marlene looked over at Remus. 

“Wait,” she said, “I thought you weren’t feeling well?” 

Remus’s insides blanched, but he kept his face neutral. “Oh, I wasn’t. But Pompfrey doctored me up and advised that I find somewhere else to rest. The Hospital Wing is a madhouse today.” 

“Oh, that makes sense. I’m glad you’re feeling better, Remus.” She knocked their shoulders together, then turned from the fire to smile at him. 

“Thanks, Marlene. Me too.”


	16. Chapter 16

Remus woke up to a blooming pain above his knee. The ache was immediately familiar: He was waking up from a transformation, and not a particularly good one. Remus assumed he was in the old house, waiting for his mum and Pomfrey to come get him. But the ground below him was soft, he noticed. Remus figured he must be in the bed. He stayed still with his eyes closed, focusing on the pain in his leg. But he couldn’t help but to feel the soft weight on top of him like he had clothes or a blanket on, and that the air was warmer than that of the old house, and that there was a crackling fire somewhere nearby. Remus peeked through his eyelids, confirming that he was in his hospital room. Remus crinkled his brow, trying to remember leaving the old house for the hospital wing. But all he could recall was transforming back to himself, alone in the kitchen. 

Remus opened his eyes again, thankful for the dim, warm light of the fire and shaded window. Hope wasn’t waiting for him in the chair like she usually was, which caused a surge of worry to run through Remus. He yearned for his mom, but he stopped himself- she was probably in the bathroom or talking with one of the professors. Figuring that she would come in soon, Remus began a little check of his body. While laying still he tried squeezing his muscles one at a time, starting at his feet. It became immediately clear to Remus that there was a large injury on his left thigh. His memory flashed back to the night before, where he saw the wolf biting its own hindquarter and lapping the blood. Remus shivered. The wolf had bitten himself before, but never in the way that he had last night. He was bloodthirsty, and he was willing to destroy himself for it. Remus felt tears bubble up his throat but he swallowed them back. He wished his mom would come in soon. Remus continued his check, only finding a bruised torso and a stiff neck. The wolf had rammed into the door for quite a while. 

Remus propped himself up, deciding that he should read while he waited for Hope and Pompfrey to come back. He carefully leaned over to his nightstand and slid a novel from it. He had found a historically realistic novel on vikings that had sucked him in. At one point in the book there had been mention of two men being together intimately while they were at sea, and it had made Remus wonder what other historical evidence of gay men he could find. His next trip to the library he was going to look for Greek stuff, because he heard that they were the first gay people in history- although the viking story disproved that. 

Remus had found that lately he was thinking about his sexuality almost exclusively. Whenever his mind was roaming he was thinking about gayness. Because of his aunts he had grown up with same-sex relationships being normal, to the point where he had never really cared about them. But now he wanted to know everything that he could. Remus tried to find books in the library at school or through the mail. In class he tried to guess if anyone else was gay. He even thought more about how he dressed, wondering if he looked gay to other people. Remus wasn’t sure that a gay person looked any different, though, so he usually just wore whatever he normally would have.

Remus put his book down when Hope quietly opened the door and peeked in. She smiled when she saw that he was awake, then said, “One second, honey,” and disappeared again. She came back a moment later with Pomfrey in tow. Hope came over to give him a hug while Pomfrey opened the curtains, filling the room with bright light. 

“How’re you feeling?” Hope asked, sitting on the bed with him.

“I’m okay. Not nearly as good as the past few months.” Remus answered. 

Hope widened her eyes and put one of her hands over his. “I know,” she said in disbelief, “When we got there you were passed out in a pool of blood. What happened? Why didn’t the roasts work?”

Remus shook his head. He didn’t want to say it. He didn’t want it to be the truth. After a long pause and a sigh he said, “The wolf was desperate for blood. He was desperate to be out. He was so mad and frustrated- he just needed to take it out on something, and by biting himself he got to taste blood, too.”

Pomfrey let out a disgusted “Oh.” and shook her head at the thought. Remus looked down at his hands in his lap, embarrassed. He was disgusting, he thought.

Hope started rubbing circles in his back. “Is there anything else we should know?” she asked in a quiet voice.

“He ran into the door for a while. My neck is really stiff and I’m guessing my ribs have some nasty bruises?” Both of the ladies nodded solemnly. “And I know we talked about this in the past, but he definitely understands that his injuries aren’t permanent. He wasn’t worried about biting himself because he knew that the next time he was there the hurt would be gone.”

Pomfrey and her magical notepad stepped forward at that. “Can you elaborate?”

Remus thought for a moment, figuring that he should probably dive in and explain the whole situation. “Well,” he started, “when I transform the wolf takes control. I move to the back of his mind where I see and feel everything he does, but I can’t influence his behavior at all. When I become myself again I can look back into my own memory from when I was in his body. I don’t have any way to prove this, but I think that when I’m in control it’s the same for him. I think he can see and feel everything that I can right now, but because he’s in the back I don’t notice him there. But, I don’t think he really understands the situation. When he’s in control I think that he has a really disconnected idea of why he’s there. I don’t think a wolf has a brain big enough to understand that it’s a werewolf.” 

Both his mum and Pomfrey were listening intently to him, nodding along. Remus took a deep breath and continued, “But, that doesn’t mean that he can’t understand some of it. I’m positive that he understands that after the transformation someone comes and fixes the injuries, and then when he’s in his body again he’ll be as good as new. After all, that’s what’s happened every time so far. I don’t think he understands that my body is his body and vice versa, but he understands that the hurt is taken away before the next transformation.”

There was a long pause while everyone soaked in what he said. Remus and his mum had talked about this stuff before, so she didn’t seem so taken by it. Pomfrey, though, was entirely caught in thought. Hope winked at Remus and stepped over to Pomfrey. 

“Poppy,” she said, wrapping her hands around the matron’s arm and tugging her to the chair, “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll go get some food for Remus?”

Pomfrey nodded as she sat, and distractedly said, “Oh, yes. I’m sure Remus is famished.” as Hope slipped out the door. Remus watched her grab the floating pad and quill from the air and begin ferociously writing.

He smiled and- not wanting to disrupt the matron- picked up his book again. 

After his mum came in with sandwiches the three of them chatted for a while about plans for the next moon. As reluctant as Remus was, he was starting to wonder if they would have to give in and supply the wolf with blood. He hoped not. For next month at least, he was leaning towards rare steak. He knew it was futile, though. Remus could tell that the wants of the wolf were growing stronger. He didn’t know if it was being in a bigger place when he transformed or maybe because Remus was around so much magic, but the wolf wanted out more than ever before. 

Later, Remus watched as Pomfrey re-dressed his leg. He had been given a salve for his neck that had worked wonders, and the bruises on his ribs were receding at their usual rate, but his leg was going to take a bit more time. The wolf had left Remus with serious injuries before, and this one wasn’t the worst yet. In fact, both of Remus’ thighs had discolored scarring from similar bouts of frustration in the past. But chewed muscle took a while to regrow, even with magic. Pomfrey rolled up his pant leg and undid the sticking charm that kept his bandage on. The regrowing skin and scabs stuck to it, so she had to ease it off while Remus squeezed his mom’s hand. When Pomfrey finally peeled the bandage away Remus got a good look at his leg. An area the size of his spread hand was deeply wounded, right above his knee and towards the inside. The bleeding had long stopped, but the scabs were growing and flaking off just fast enough to be noticeable. Remus found it revolting. The rest of his leg was splotchy with scars of the past, and Remus couldn’t help but feel resentment for the new one he would have in the coming weeks. He already had to deal with the wolf once a month, and his torso was disfigured from Greyback’s attack; Remus felt it was cruel that the wolf could give him new scars every month, too.

“Well, Mr. Lupin,” Madame Pomfrey said as she re-dressed his leg, “It looks like I’ll have’ta keep you until you’re all healed up here. We can’t have you limping around the castle, can we?”

“No, I guess not.” Remus answered with a sigh. 

“Don’t seem so put out, Mr. Lupin!” The matron said with a smile. “It’s not that bad being stuck in here with me, is it?”

Remus couldn’t help but smile back. “No, it’s lovely. Thank you, Madame Pomfrey.” 

“Think nothing of it.” Pomfrey finished the wrapping and pulled his pant leg back down. “Well, I think you’ll be alright until dinnertime. It’s only a few hours away. Do you need anything until then? Otherwise, I’ll leave you and your mum to spend time alone.”

“No, I’m alright. I guess I’ll need notes from today and tomorrow’s classes.”

“I’ll talk to Professor McGonagall and make sure you get them.” Pomfrey assured.

“You don’t think I’ll be out by then?” Remus ventured.

“No, I’m afraid not. Your leg’ll be looking a lot better in the morning, but it’ll still hurt. You’ll need to stay here tomorrow. Maybe I’ll let you go back to your dorm tomorrow night, though.”

“Alright,” Remus said, holding up his hands in defeat, “You’re the expert.”

The matron winked as she left the room, and bid the pair farewell. 

Hope spared no second in getting Remus into their usual routine. Once Remus was properly stretched and had given himself a half-assed wash with a wet towel he climbed back into bed, achy and bored. He thought again about coming out to his mom, the idea making his pulse pick up. But he moved the thought aside. Remus felt like he wasn’t quite ready to say it. He was sure that he was gay and he knew that his mum would accept it, but something about telling her it didn’t sit right inside him. 

Remus was reading through his novel when his mum came to stand next to the bed, her bag packed up on the chair. “Well, honey, is there anything else before I head home?” she asked gingerly, carding her fingers through Remus’s soft hair. 

“No.” Remus cooed back. The room was slowly growing dimmer with the setting sun, and Remus was becoming hungry. 

“Alright, then,” Hope said, leaning down to kiss his forehead, “I guess that means I’m off. Have a good night, sweetheart.”

“You too, mum.” Remus said, watching her grab her things. “Thanks for staying with me.”

Hope stepped up to the door, but turned around before she opened it. “Honey,” she said, looking at Remus with stern love set in her features, “I’ll be here every and any night you need me.” With that she slipped out the door, off to say goodbye to the matron and use her fireplace to floo home. 

Alone in his bed Remus blushed. The honey drip of the sunlight and crackle of the fireplace and raw love from his mother filled him up until he was brimming with warmth. 

The next day Remus spent as much time as he could getting ahead with his schoolwork. The upcoming weekend was going to be busy, with a Gryffindor quidditch game on Saturday and their first Hogsmeade trip the day after. Knowing his roommates, Remus guessed he wouldn’t get a single thing done between Friday and Monday. By the time Pomfrey had released him Tuesday night Remus wondered if he’d have to do a single thing for the rest of the week; He had taken notes on 7 transcribed lectures, done five readings, written two essays, and got everything together to catch up on a project for herbology. He left the hospital wing after dinner, thanking Pomfrey for casting a lightening charm on all of the borrowed books he was carrying.

Remus was up early with his roommates on Saturday morning to get decent seats on the quidditch pitch. Despite himself, he was starting to enjoy the early morning matches, even if they were unbearably cold. They would stock up on treats during breakfast and Sirius would keep their pockets toasty through the whole game, which made it much easier for Remus to stomach. Although he didn’t like playing the game at all, Remus found that he rather enjoyed watching the players wizz around. It was the perfect balance of strategy and surprise, he thought. 

He clunked his way up the stairs to the stands behind his roommates, who were all chatting amicably about their predictions for the game. Remus was idly listening, wondering where Lily and Marlene, who had been walking to the pitch with them, had scurried off to. He followed his friends to their favorite seats and sat beside them, huddling into his heavy robes for warmth. James had brought a huge, heavy Gryffindor blanket back from home over break, and the four of them stretched it over their shoulders while they talked. Remus had been ushered into the middle, his friends concerned that the cold would cause his bronchiectasis to flare up, but after coming between a friendly yelling match he excused himself to the end of the row. 

Just as the stands began to fill Marlene and Lily found the group and sat down. 

“Hey.” Remus said, scooting to give the two of them room. Lily immediately squished against Remus, and Marlene against her. It was too cold of a morning to be outside, Remus thought. 

“Hey.” they chimed back. 

“Where did you guys go?” Remus asked.

“Oh, um,” Lily said, swinging one of her legs so that her shoe scuffed the floor, “I saw Severus so I went to say hi.” 

“I tagged along, but kept a distance.” Marlene added. 

“How’d it go?” 

Lily tilted her head from side to side. “It went okay. That was the third time we’ve talked since Valentine’s day.” 

“Is he still avoiding looking at you?”

“Yeah,” Lily said, “Like the plague.”

Marlene bumped Lily’s shoulder. “It’ll keep getting better. That was the longest you’ve talked yet, right?”

“It was.” 

“See? There you go.” Marlene encouraged. “Everything’s going to be fine.” 

Lily was about to respond, but she was cut short by her own surprise. Cecil was walking towards them with a shy wave. He was in a huge, puffy yellow coat and had his Hufflepuff scarf tucked into it.

Remus felt his heart drop to his stomach and rise into his throat a few times, as was his usual response to seeing Cecil now. He was getting better at acting normal around his friend, but not by much. Remus became immediately nervous when Cecil was around; He was worried that he would say or do something that would make everyone realize he was gay. That, and he was incredibly worried that he might do something dumb in front of Cecil. 

“Cecil!” Marlene said, scooting the rest of the group down and patting the bench beside her, “What are you doing here?”

“Most of my Hufflepuff friends didn’t care to come see the game since we aren’t playing,” he shrugged, “So I thought I’d come watch it with you guys. If that’s okay.” 

Everyone called out affirmations, waving and hollering that he was welcome. The group drummed up friendly conversation as the stands filled out, laughing about class assignments and arguing over quidditch history. After Sirius and James started yelling and laughing about some crazy quidditch move from a world cup however many years ago, Cecil got up from his place at the end of the row and weaseled over to Remus and James. 

“Hey,” he said, smiling down at Remus and the rest of the guys. Remus stopped himself from smiling back like a dope. “Do you guys mind if I sit with you? I’m getting really into quidditch and it sounds like you have some great stories.”

James immediately began pushing Remus away to make a spot between them for Cecil. “Not at all!” he answered. “Oi, Petey!” he added, “You’re going to have to give up some blanket for Lupin. Shift it down.” Remus was ready to object, but in a moment Cecil was putting his arm around Remus to wrap him up in the blanket. Remus hoped that his cheeks were already flushed from the cold so no one would notice his blush. Cecil was squeezed against Remus’ whole side. Their shoulders were at a stagger, so when Cecil leaned back he pressed into Remus warmly. Their thighs were smooshed together, and Remus felt good and bad appreciating the feeling. Maybe he understood what all the fuss about boyfriends and girlfriends was about after all. 

They sat that way for the entire game, except when they jumped up in celebration. Multiple times Cecil turned to Remus to ask if he was warm, or to point out something that had just happened. Every time Cecil turned his bright eyes on him Remus felt his heart soar. He was a nervous wreck, but Cecil didn’t seem to notice. Remus was so caught up in Cecil that he glazed over a large portion of the match, and by the end he was restraining himself from ‘accidentally’ holding Cecil’s hand. Slytherin ended up winning, but Remus couldn’t bring himself to care. In his eyes, it had been the best quidditch match he’d seen yet.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy moly, y'all. Life keeps trying to knock me on my ass. But I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, even if it is a week late. Please feel free to leave comments, especially if there are parts of my writing that you notice need improvement or that you think I'm doing well. A big reason I'm writing this fic is to improve my writing, but it's really hard to tell if I'm doing a good job! Happy reading xoxo

“Bollocks that we can’t go to Hogsmeade.”

“Yeah,” Peter answered from the floor. He turned a page of the magazine he had been scanning through since lunch. “Pretty shite. I can’t believe they gave us permission slips to sign and everything.”

Sirius’s voice barreled from the bathroom, “I heard it was a miscommunication with the house elves! They didn’t mean to give them out, I don’t think!” 

“Either way,” James lamented, “It’s bollocks. What’re we supposed to do now?”

Remus sunk further into his pillow, curling around Bishop carefully. He was reading a novel on the Greeks, and while he didn’t find it particularly riveting he was content to lie around for the rest of the day. He was weeks from a moon, he had caught up on all of his homework, and he had gorged himself at lunch. The most Remus was interested in doing was a round or two of gobstones. 

“Lads,” he said, “Don’t you lot need to finish getting ready for our Herbology assignments tomorrow? We’re getting the plants first thing.”

Groans rose from around the room like music from an organ. Sirius walked out of the bathroom like the undead, moaning and dragging his feet. 

“I don’t get why we keep doing papers and projects and presentations on plants and then swapping them around!” Peter was digging the heels of his hands into his sockets as he complained, “Why can’t we just stick to the same fucking plant?” 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I don’t think we’d learn anything that way, you fucking twat.” 

Remus frowned. He wasn’t a fan of the cussing, but he especially didn’t like it when they cussed at each other. “Well,” he said, eager to see them all march off to the library, “From the sounds of it, I don’t think any of you have finished.”

“Come on,” James whined, “What’s there to finish? All we need to do is be ready. After we find out what plants we have tomorrow, then we’ll go up to the library and do research.”

“I don’t think-”

“Merlin’s beard, Lupin!” Peter said, throwing his hands up, “Don’t you think we’ve prepared at least a little? Whatever we get tomorrow, we’ll be ready.”

Remus stuck his nose into his book to hide his face. He was disappointed that he wouldn’t have time to himself and upset that his friends were treating him like a mother hen again, and even getting frustrated with him. He thought about closing the curtains around his bed, but decided that he didn’t want to be dramatic. 

The next morning it became immediately clear that Remus’s roommates were not ready for the plants they got. James and Peter lost Gryffindor five points each because they couldn’t identify theirs, and Sirius had forgotten his wand in the dorm and had to drag his bouncing bulb across the greenhouse. Remus was pleased to be handed a very young umbrella flower, which he brought to his usual spot. Lily was already there examining a small fire that was raging in a flower pot. She lit up when he settled beside her. 

“Remus! I got a fire seed bush! Professor Sprout said that I can keep the seeds when I harvest at the end of term.” Now that he was closer Remus could see the plant at the center of the flames. It was pointy and leafless, and reminded him of an aloe plant growing in his living room back home. 

“Nice, Lily. Do you think you’ll be able to keep it lit all term?” 

Lily shot him a sassy look. “Of course I will, Remus. It’s not like it’s hard. Who do you think I am, James?” She didn’t try to hide her smirk as she turned to watch their friend. 

James was standing back from the plant on his bench and rubbing his cheek, which had a red mark from one of the plant's arms. He had been assigned a snargaluff, but he had been fooled by its likeness to a dead branch and handled it a bit too roughly as he walked it to his place at the back of the class. It had shot to life and wrapped its vines around his head and neck. Peter had dropped his fanged geraniums and rushed to help James pry the vines off until Professor Sprout noticed and subdued the plant from afar. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to cast the spell without hitting James, too, so the pair collapsed onto the ground. James was revived quickly enough, but his pride was clearly limping. Afterward everyone else was squared away Peter struggled to scoop up his geraniums, who had not been pleased to be laying in a pile of shattered ceramics on the floor and nipped at his fingers. 

Cecil and Marlene hurried in right before class started, bringing their puffapod and flutterby bush to sit with Remus and Lily. Lily wasted no time filling them in on James’s mishap, talking right up until the start of class. 

Professor Sprout announced that she would be going around to each of them and making sure they understood what was expected of their magical plants by the end of term. In the meantime, she asked them to write out care plans for their plant, and to give it any attention it might need at the time being. Remus was supposed to grow his umbrella plant from the potted seedling it was to a huge, floating flower like the ones in Greenhouse Three. He was excited for his project. It was fairly low maintenance, but it would have a spectacular outcome if he could tend to it. He was dreading his roommate’s projects, though, because he knew that they had all been given tasks far beyond their own capabilities. 

After dinner that night the four boys hustled out to Greenhouse One. Peter had to bring his geraniums to the dorm to give them special attention after their repotting that morning, and Sirius had figured out that his bouncing bulb needed a pool of water in the bottom of its pot. Remus was going to pick up Lily’s fire seed bush in exchange for her to stir his potion, and James was there because he couldn’t bear to be left alone. 

The four shuffled into the warm greenhouse. Remus breathed in the wet, earthy smell and enjoyed the temperature increase from the March evening outside. Remus went straight to the fire seed bush, using its warmth to warm up the rest of the way. Professor Sprout had asked Lily to keep the plant in her dorm, because otherwise it would ruin the greenhouse atmosphere. 

At the far end of the bench Peter and James were huddled over the fanged geraniums, waggling their fingers just out of it’s reach. Sirius was next to them on the floor, bent over his bouncing bulb. Remus grabbed Lily’s pot and meandered over to his friends. Remus hadn’t known much about bouncing bulbs until earlier that year. In Greenhouse Nine there was a rather large one that was almost as tall as he was. Sirius’s was much smaller, only the size of a quaffle, but it was rather heavy. The purple bulb was snug against the rim of the pot, and its little green branch of leaves was waving around slowly. Sirius was trying to push the bulb aside some and peak into the bottom of the pot to see how much water was there, but he was struggling. The plant seemed to be sealed to the sides of its bowl. 

“It’s probably charmed to stay,” Remus offered. “After all, it is a _bouncing_ bulb.”

Sirius eyed him through the fringes of his hair, but pulled out his wand. He gingerly tapped the pot, and a lattice of magic lit up, revealing it’s criss cross pattern that was keeping the plant restrained. 

“Hm,” he said. “Remus, will you come down here and lay over the pot while I figure out the counter to this spell?” 

“Um, I’d rather not.” Remus shuffled beside Sirius.

“Oh, come on. There’s a sticking charm, too, from the looks of it. I doubt it’ll go anywhere, you’re just an extra precaution.”

“How vigilant of you,” Remus muttered with a sigh. He kneeled into the dirt floor next to Sirius and leaned onto the bouncing bulb uncomfortably. The position was strange, so he readjusted so that he was sitting on the floor and had his legs wrapped around the base of the pot. Then he secured his arms over the top of the plant, careful to avoid the delicate branch in the middle. The greenhouse was dark in the back, and particularly so on the floor, Remus noticed. Despite his strange position, Peter and James were paying him no mind, instead steaming through a conversation on quidditch players, waving their hands dangerously close to Peter’s geraniums to accentuate their points. 

“Ready, Remus?” Sirius asked. 

Remus nodded and tightened his grip.

Sirius tried a few counter spells before he found the right one. Remus felt the bulb lurch beneath him when the lattice dissolved, but it didn’t go anywhere. Sirius had been right; There was a sticking charm. Remus didn’t feel like it would hold the bulb for long, though. The plant was wiggling around, clearly anxious to escape. 

“Oi, tossers,” Sirius hollered, catching Peter and James’s attention, “Get over here and help Remus hold this bulb down while I make sure there’s water in the bottom.”

The two scurried over and latched their arms together over Remus’s, with direction from Sirius. It was close and uncomfortable, and Remus’s fingers were starting to hurt from gripping the pot so tightly. Sirius pulled the watering can next to him and got into a ready position.

“Alright, lads,” He said, his wand poised in the air, “I need to see how much water there is, then either add some or not. As soon as the water is fine I’ll re-cast the sticking charm, then the restraining one. You lot need to keep the bulb in the pot long enough for me to do that. Are you ready?”

Despite feeling unsure about their plan, Remus nodded. Sirius cast the counter spell and the bulb slammed through Remus’s arms, breaking his grip on the pot and allowing it to slip by. The bulb did the same to Peter and James and shot into the greenhouse. It ricocheted off of the ceiling and walls so fast, Remus felt like he was watching a snitch. Well, if that snitch was huge and purple and destroyed everything in Greenhouse One. Peter let out and shout and jumped onto the ground, like soldiers from a war movie Remus had been forced to watch in class once. James and Sirius lept from their spots on the ground, both of them running to a different side of the greenhouse and shouting. 

“Flipendo!” Sirius yelled, his wand following behind the bulb. He was casting the spell over and over, focused on hitting his target. 

“No, you sod!” James screamed, watching the bulb bounce around. “Don’t cast a knockback, you’ll just send it flying!” 

Sirius wasn’t listening, though, too focused on the herbaceous horror destroying their classroom. He hit the bouncing bulb and sent it crashing to the other side of the room, where it jumped back and slammed into his chest. 

“Fuck! Sirius!” James called, but he stayed trained on the plant. “Stupefy!” He cried, “Stupefy! Stupefy!”

From his place under the table Remus watched Peter, still bunched up on the ground, pull out his wand and begin casting the same spell with little regard for where it was going. Remus, having realized he hadn’t moved since the bulb first escaped them, began a hurried crawl under the table towards Sirius, who was curled up on the floor. Remus reached out and pulled him under the table as well, but Sirius swatted him away.

“I’m fine, Lupin. Just needed a breather,” he gasped. Sirius’s hand was splayed over his chest and he was wincing a bit. There was a huge crash and a swear from James. Remus worried that the bulb had escaped, but could still hear it bouncing around. 

“Guys,” James yelled, “It’s slowing down!”

Sirius stood up and began throwing the impediment jinx. Remus found his wand and followed, sliding up against Sirius’s back to better protect them both. Around him the greenhouse was carnage. Dirt was everywhere, and pieces of shattered pottery littered the tables. Most of the plants were laying on their sides. Remus observed it all in a second, then began casting the impediment jinx as well. The bulb was slowing down, thanks to James and Peter’s stunning spells, and Remus was able to hit it with one of his own. For a moment the bulb froze completely, suspended in the air. Remus began to feel the rush of relief, but it turned to ice when the bulb began moving again, just as fast as it was before it had been hit. 

“Alright,” James hollered, ducking a blow from the bulb as it shot by him, “Here’s the plan: Let’s load it up with stunning spells to slow it down, then we’ll hit it with an impedimenta and put it back into the pot before it can start up again.” 

Peter had somewhat risen from his place on the floor, and the rest of them were standing at the ready to dodge the bulb if it came at them again. All four boys began hurling spells at the plant, watching it lose momentum as it bounced around. 

When it was coming towards the middle of the table from the ceiling, James yelled, “Now!” and they all cast the impediment jinx. The bulb halted, and James clamoured onto the table to get to it. Sirius ran to get the pot, and Remus cast a second jinx to keep the bulb in place. Peter jumped up and grabbed the watering can, following Sirius and the floating pot to the middle of the room. James grabbed the bouncing bulb and sat at the edge of the table, where Remus could crowd in and help him hold it. 

“It’s not that heavy,” James noticed. 

“Holy shite,” Sirius huffed from the floor, “That’s because it’s the pot that’s weighted.” 

Peter poured water into the pot while James hopped down from the table. “Lads, it’s getting lively…” He cautioned. Sirius snatched the bulb and slammed it into the pot, quickly casting a sticking charm. Remus reinforced it with his own while Sirius re-cast the restraints. 

“Clever,” Remus said while Sirius finished the spell, “The pot must be weighted so that the bulb can’t fling itself and the pot around.”

“Yeah,” Peter answered, but his focus was on the carnage surrounding them. “Clever.”

“Well,” Sirius said after he returned his plant to its place at the back of the greenhouse, “It’s only, what, seven-ish? Maybe later? I think we can do a good bit of cleaning before curfew.” 

“Cleaning?” James said, his brow heavily lined. “That’s what elves are for. Why in Godric’s good name would we clean any of this? _How_ would we clean any of this?”

“One pot at a time, I’d wager.” Remus said, not looking up. Lily’s bush had fallen onto the floor in the mayhem and the fire was looking a little dim, but the pot hadn’t broken. Remus found some dragonhide gloves so he could scoop the dirt back into the pot. He thought of the trouble they would have been in if the bush had fallen over on the wooden table and set the whole greenhouse on fire. 

“Let me explain this to you, you dim-witted, pampered Potter,” Sirius said, “The bigger the mess is, the more detention we get and the more points we lose. Is that what you want?”

“Ugh!” was all James answered with, stomping off to the other end of the room. Once back there he started casting reparo. The spell worked surprisingly well, and sooner than Remus had expected they had mended all of the pots. Some of the plants had been damaged, and most of them were shaken up or downright vicious, but they were able to restore the greenhouse well enough that no one would guess a plant the size of a troll’s head had rocketed through the place. Remus was particularly concerned about a small wiggentree that had suffered multiple broken limbs. It looked thrashed, and Remus wasn’t sure if it would survive the next week without immediate attention. Remus tried to mess around with it himself, but he found that touching the tree agitated him. 

“Lads,” he called out. Everyone turned to him with tired eyes. “I’m going to go find Professor Sprout and let her know she needs to attend to the plants.”

“What are you going to tell her?” Peter asked.

“The truth.”

“Remus, that’ll get us in trouble.” Sirius whined.

Remus ruffled his hair, giving it a little tug. “Maybe. It might not. We weren’t trying to cause havoc, and we cleaned up.”

“Remus-” Sirius started again, but Remus cut him off.

“No. At the beginning of the year you said that you want to stay away from dark magic and not be like your family. This is a part of that. You made a mistake and it hurt other people’s projects. No, you didn’t mean to, and yes, we cleaned up, but you still have to admit it. If you don’t some of these plants might die. You have to come clean, even if it means a little detention. That’s what being a good person is about.”

Sirius stared at him for a moment, then sagged his shoulders and nodded. “You’re right, Lupin,” he said. “Of course you are.” Sirius straightened again and walked to the front of the greenhouse. Remus plucked up Lily’s bush and followed. 

“All good in here?” he asked. James and Peter nodded and waved them goodbye, promising to see them in the dorm soon. 

The fire seed bush began to putter once they got into the cold evening air. Remus and Sirius hurried to the small greenhouse at the end of the row, not wanting another casualty of the evening. Sirius rapped on the door and waited, but there was no answer. They rushed back towards the castle instead, agreeing that she might be in the Great Hall chatting with the other professors after dinner. Sure enough, Professor Sprout was at her spot at the front of the hall. The room was mostly empty, which Remus found unnerving. Even when it was quiet in the mornings there were still people milling about or falling asleep at their plates. Now there were only a few stragglers at each table. The pair walked up to where Sprout was, catching her attention before they made it all the way there.

“Remus, Sirius,” she said, turning away from the story she had been listening to, “Is something wrong with this fire seed bush?” 

“Oh, no, Professor,” Remus answered.

“Professor,” Sirius said, stepping up to the table, “I have a confession.” He took a shaky breath. “My roommates and I were just in the greenhouse to check on our plants, and while I was trying to water my bouncing bulb it broke free and bounced around the greenhouse.”

Sprout’s eyes widened, but Sirius continued before she could ask any questions. 

“We managed to get it back into the pot, and we did our best to clean everything up… But some of the plants got damaged, and we don’t know how to fix them.”

Sprout looked between the two of them, her face unreadable. “Well, I’m surprised you were able to get it to stop bouncing. What did you do?”

“Stupefy and impedimenta.”

“Well done. I’m not going to give you any points, because it shouldn’t have broken free in the first place, but I am impressed. It’s almost curfew for you kids so I’m going to send you up to your beds. I’ll go look around the greenhouse and make sure everything is alright. I’ll send you an owl in the morning about whether I feel you deserve any punishment. I’ll give you a hint: It all depends on how many plants are injured and how well you cleaned up. Does that sound fair?”

They both nodded. 

“Is there anything else?” 

They shook their heads.

“Alright, then off to bed. You both look exhausted, although I guess that’s to be expected after wrestling a bouncing bulb. Thank you for telling me.”

“You’re welcome,” they chimed, then turned and left. 

“That wasn’t too bad,” Sirius said once they were halfway down the hall. He veered towards the Hufflepuff table and snagged sweet rolls for them both.

Remus smirked, but Sirius didn’t look in time to catch it. 

“No challenge too large,” Remus answered.


	18. Chapter 18

Remus rubbed his eyes as he trudged through the dark, empty stairway. Sirius yawned beside him. Remus knew that detention for the bouncing bulb incident was fair, but he hadn’t expected the punishment to be so cruel. It should be illegal, he thought, to make children wake up at four in the morning and walk around outside picking up poo. It made a little sense, he figured, since the poo worked as a magical fertilizer and they were in trouble for disrupting plants, but he still wasn’t going to enjoy it. The two of them burrowed into their scarves and robes as they walked outside, casting lumos to light the way to Hagrid’s hut. 

Remus focused on the little building as they trudged closer, enjoying the warm light shining through the windows. He and Sirius had shared a pepper up potion when they got up, but his body still felt heavy. The hut offered Remus a cozy feeling that he wanted to sink into. As they moved closer Remus could see Hagrid moving behind the windows. He seemed to be moving a lot, rushing back and forth. Remus sighed. 

They rapped on the door when they reached it. After a long moment Hagrid answered, but only peeked his head out, his massive body blocking any view into the house.

“By merlin’s beard, is it that time already?” he said, looking between the pair. “Uh, my, I wasn’t expectin’ the two of yous so soon. I’m a bit, ah, tied up with somethin’ at the moment. Remus, good to see ya.” 

Remus nodded, not wanting to take his hands out from his pockets to wave. 

“I don’t suppose the two of ya would mind goin’ out without me, wouldya?” he said, one of his hands flitting around on his chest. 

Remus stood there, stumped. He felt like his mind wasn’t taking in what Hagrid had just said. He looked from the giant to his friend, who turned to look at him at the same time. Their eyes caught and Remus opened his mouth to say something, sure that they were being rude by not answering, but Sirius looked back to Hagrid and beat him to it.

“Go into the forest alone, sir? In the middle of the night?” Sirius asked. 

Hagrid waggled his head and gazed past them, then turned to look at something in his hut. 

“Look, I trust you two boys, an’ I’m not sure if I can, ah, get away from what I’m doin’ here right now. I promise, I know these woods like the back ah my hand. Ain’t nothin’ out there that could get ya tonight. You’ll be safe.”

Remus and Sirius exchanged glances again. 

“If you say so, Hagrid,” Remus answered for them. 

“Oh, great. Thanks, boys,” he answered. Hagrid reached around to rummage in his back pocket, producing two sacks, two sets of gloves, and a stone. “Right. Here are yer bags, gloves, obviously, and this here will turn warm and red when it’s time to come back.” Hagrid placed the stone in Remus’s hand. “The mooncalves run all over this place, so ya shouldn’t have a problem finding what yer after.” 

Remus pocketed the stone and slung a bag over his shoulder. “Thanks, Hagrid,” he said, giving the giant a slight smile. “We’ll see you in a while.” 

“Don’t have too much fun,” he smiled back, then retreated into his house. 

Remus and Sirius went down the stone steps and towards the woods, walking close to one another. Darkness swelled around them, staved off only by the light of their wands and the way it bounced off the snow. In the sky the moon was small and unhelpful. Remus tucked his wand behind his ear so the tip was alight above his head, like a headlamp. He pulled out the gloves and slid them on, scanning the ground for dark pellets. 

“You look like a unicorn,” Sirius said, tucking his own wand behind his ear. “Do I look like one, too?”

Remus tried to look at Sirius to check, but the light was blinding. “I heard that there are unicorns in these woods.”

“Oh, there definitely are,” Sirius answered, slipping his gloves on. “Two distant cousins of mine tried to hunt them while they were here. They never managed, but they got close and they tell the stories every holiday.”

“What?!” Remus turned to Sirius, but they both flinched away, their eyes scorched by the bright light of their wands. “Your cousins wanted to hunt unicorns? But they’re the most pure creature! You can’t kill that.”

“You can, actually, if you’re good at it. You shouldn’t. But you can.”

Remus ambled on in silence, still searching the forest floor. His mom had read him a story once when he was little about a scared unicorn that was being chased. He had asked her about what would happen if the unicorn was caught, and she had told him that the whole world would become sadder and magic would fade just a bit. He didn’t know if that was true, but he certainly understood the value that a unicorn’s life had. He couldn’t imagine wanting to hunt one. His wand had a unicorn hair core, but plucking a single hair from the tail seemed a lot different from taking its life.

“Remus?” 

“Yeah?”

“Remember when we talked back in November? When we had Brie, and we went outside?”

“I do.”

“Do you think we can talk about that stuff again?”

“Of course we can.”

“Okay.”

There was a long pause while the two of them walked past tall trees and fallen branches. Remus found a couple of pellets and dropped them into his sack. He could feel the worry radiating off of Sirius, and decided to let him take however long he needed before they started talking. Besides, he figured, they certainly had the time. They were going to be wandering around for about two hours, Sprout had told them. 

They wandered on for a while more before Sirius spoke up again. “Sorry,” he muttered. 

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Remus answered.

“I just feel like a dunce,” Sirius muttered again. “I ask to talk and then I can’t think of what to say.”

Remus hummed and crouched down to grab a few more pellets. “Well, it’s not a big deal. When you think of what you want to say I’ll be ready.”

Sirius let out a big huff. “Okay. Um, can I tell you about my family? I kinda want you to tell me about yours and what’s normal, but I think that’ll make me, um, sad.” 

“Yeah, I can do that.” 

“Alright, let me think of something.” They walked a few more steps and found a whole collection of pellets. “What about grounding? Do you get grounded?”

“Yeah, I do. Not often.”

“Like, how often?” 

“Um, I dunno. Every couple of months or so? I had friends at school that would get grounded at least every month, though.”

“I think that’s about how often I get grounded. How long does it normally last for you?”

Remus thought as he got up. “It depends a lot on what I did. Last year I was really mad at this horrible kid at my school so I filled his cubby with jelly. I wasn’t allowed to see any of my friends for three weeks after that.”

“How did you manage that?”

“Oh, I used magic. It was crazy. That was the first time I ever controlled my magic. I could feel the accidental magic building in me so I focused on trying to fill his cubby with jelly, and suddenly it was.”

“That sounds brilliant.”

“It was. But, normally I’ll be grounded for a week, or a few days. My mum likes to ground me during the weekend and make me help her do chores.”

“My mum does that, too. Make me do chores, I mean. Why would grounding you on the weekend be any different from the week?”

“Oh, well because that’s usually when I see friends.” 

“Friends from school?” Sirius asked, and Remus thought he sounded a little quieter than he had before. The two crawled over a large fallen tree. 

“Yeah. And my mom put me in football one summer. I didn’t like it, but I made some friends from that.”

“Football?”

“Oh, it’s a muggle sport. It’s like the quidditch of the muggle world. You have two teams on a field, and there’s one ball. You’ve got a big goal on either side, and the players run around trying to kick the ball into the opposite goal.”

“So, like quidditch on the ground?”

“Yeah, but only one ball and one net on each side.”

“Interesting. I think I’d like to see that.”

“I bet you’d like it. You seem the type.”

“Oh, do I? What type is that?”

“I dunno. I’m just saying if I saw you at muggle school I’d guess you play. You have that rowdy energy about you.”

“Well, you’ll have to teach me one day.” 

“We’ll make a plan to. We should see if Cecil plays, too.”

“Does he look the type?”

Remus thought for a moment. He certainly figured he would like it if Cecil played, although he didn’t care for the sport much himself. He liked quidditch. Remus remembered Cecil’s nerdy halloween costume and how out of breath he was when they had raced to the castle once. 

“No, I don’t think he is.” 

They walked on for a while more in a content silence. When he grew bored with the shapeless thoughts in his mind Remus hummed the tune of a song he couldn’t quite place, but that reminded him of cozy afternoons in his living room back home. 

After they finished cleaning up a smattering of pellets Sirius broke the quiet. “I never really had friends before Hogwarts,” he said. 

“None?” Remus answered, surprised. He couldn’t imagine anyone reaching the age of ten without any friends. 

“Not really. I had some cousins that I would look forward to seeing at parties. And I have Regulus. We’re kinda close. But I never went to school, we have tutors come to the house instead. I barely go out of the house at all.”

“Oh. Well, then what do you get grounded from?”

“What do you mean?”

“When I get grounded it’s usually from seeing my friends.”

“Oh.” Sirius stepped over a barren, thorny bush beside him. “I usually have to do a lot of chores, or I get grounded to my room.”

“Like, where you can’t leave?”

“Yep. They built me my own bathroom since I get grounded so much. My mum says it’s so that she can forget I exist for a little while.”

“That sounds awful.”

“It’s really boring. Sometimes she gives me tasks to do while I’m up there.”

“How long will she ground you for?”

“Um, longer than you, I think.”

“Oh.” The way Sirius weaseled around the question made Remus uneasy. 

“It’s not so bad when she makes me do chores, though,” Sirius said, clearly trying to lighten the mood. Remus appreciated his consideration, but the whole thing just put him off more. “I mean,” he continued, “Sometimes it is. But Pippy and I tricked her, and now she usually makes me cook, which I like.”

“Pippy is the house elf that you really like, right?” Remus asked. He wanted to push the conversation somewhere a little happier, at least for a while. 

“Yep. Pipsqueak. She’s the best.” 

“How did you trick your mum?”

“I pretend to really hate cooking. Pippy is the elf in charge of me, but she also does a little bit of everything around the house, and she does a lot of cooking with Smog. He’s in charge of the kitchen. So now when I get grounded we go down to the kitchen and cook together. She pretends to be really mean and nit-picky, but really she’s just telling me how to do stuff better.” 

“That’s pretty clever.” Remus responded, conjuring an image of Sirius in an opulent kitchen being yelled at by a house elf as he chopped carrots. Suddenly, a thought hit him. “Oh!” he exclaimed, trying not to turn to Sirius and blind them both in his excitement. “I’ve been meaning to ask you; I’m thinking of putting together a Hogwarts cookbook for my mum. She’s always going on and on about the food here, and since we found the kitchen I was thinking I could go down there and talk with the elves about the recipes. Do you think you could help?”

“That sounds wicked! I’d love to help. It’ll give me an excuse to go down to the kitchens more.” 

“Yeah! And I’ve got until next year to get it done, so there’s no pressure.”

“We should start this weekend.”

“I think first I want to get a list of meals I want to ask about.”

“Fine. But we should at least go down and get a schedule or something.”

“That’s fair.”

They both began wandering away from one another, weaving between trees but staying within speaking range. Remus thought they were going to fall into a lull again, but Sirius piped up after a moment.

“I have another question.” he called.

“Blast away.”

“Does your mum ever take things from you?”

“Sometimes.” Remus answered, meandering back towards Sirius. He didn’t think their intimate conversation would be helped by yelling. “She’ll ground me from sweets or something. Is that what you mean?”

“Sort of.”

“What do you mean, then?” Remus stepped next to Sirius and bumped his shoulder. 

“Sometimes my mum’ll take things like my hot water, or won’t let me eat dinner. She says that if I don’t act civilized then I can’t live civilized.”

In his mind’s eye Remus could see Sirius locked in a foreboding room, unable to leave even to pee. He thought about the urge to take a warm, comforting shower, and how he would feel to have it replaced with an icy one. He thought about starving in his own house, and how Sirius had put on weight over last term, but that it made him look healthier. “No,” he said thickly, “My mum has never done anything like that. I’ve heard of friends that were sent to bed without dinner once or twice, but I don’t think anything like what you’re talking about.”

Sirius hummed. “I thought so.”

Not knowing what else to say, Remus sighed. He wanted to kidnap Sirius from his home and bring him to his own house, where Hope would love them both so much that Sirius would pop. He couldn’t do that, though, or much of anything else, so he answered, “Sorry, mate.”

“S’okay.” Sirius assured, lazily kicking a snow pile. “I did get something out of it. Wanna know something cool?”

“What?” 

“Remember that charm I use to keep our pockets warm during quidditch?”

“Yeah?” 

“I learned how to do that two years ago. I can do it wandless.”

“Two years ago? Sirius, that’s impressive!”

Sirius laughed. “I know! I learned how to do it to keep myself warm when that witch takes my heat. No one knows.”

“I can’t do any wandless magic. Bravo, my friend.”

Sirius bowed deep and dramatic. “Thank you, thank you.”

“Where did you learn it?”

“In one of my many required readings. I copied down the whole page and practiced it every night for months until I got it.”

“Nice.” Remus felt a weight lift from his shoulder at the change in conversation. He didn’t know how much more he could learn about Sirius’s home life at once before becoming depressed. “I’ll have to try that this summer. I don’t know how we’re supposed to keep from doing magic now that we have wands.”

“Well, the rules are finicky. We’re not supposed to do it, but the ministry can’t actually trace who cast the spells. It’s easier to get away with underage magic without a wand, because wands usually remember the last few spells cast. And in a magical household, because it can be blamed on someone else. As long as you don’t do anything too obvious and you don’t do it in front of muggles the Ministry can’t really pin anything on you.”

“Good to know. Where did you learn that?”

“Found it in the library. I can show you where.”

“I’d appreciate that.”

“No problem.”

“Hey,” Remus said, “D’you think you could cast that heating charm now? My insides are starting to freeze.”

“Sure,” Sirius said, stepping over to Remus. Sirius pulled the wand from his ear and stuffed it into his pocket to keep from blinding Remus, and Remus copied. “Just your pockets? I could probably do the insides of your robes.”

“Could you? That’d be wicked.”

“Yeah,” Sirius answered, huddling next to Remus. “Let me try it on myself first so I don’t burn you alive.”

“That’d be much appreciated.” 

“I thought it might be.”

Remus adjusted the bag on his shoulder while Sirius murmured to himself. He had at least half a tote of pellets already. The morning was slipping by like dark, shining oil. He looked up and saw pieces of the moon through the trees and passing clouds. It was strange, he mused, to enjoy a night outside in the moonlight. Even if it was still heavy with sadness, at least it wasn’t brimming with pain. He had the faintest urge to break into a sprint and run around, just to really take it all in, but the better, colder, much more tired part of him stayed put. 

“Alright,” said Sirius, breaking Remus from his thoughts. “I got it.” Sirius turned to Remus and wiggled his hand under his robes, then whispered the incantation. Remus felt the warmth spread from Sirius’s hand and fill up the space in his robes, circling around him. He immediately felt better. 

“Why didn’t we do this earlier?” he asked.

“Beats me. ‘Cause we’re just a bunch of dumb Gryffindors, maybe?”

Remus sniggered. “When are you going to give that up?”

“When it stops driving James crazy.”

“Oh, so never?”

“Precisely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, to be a wizard picking up shit at three in the morning, having intimate conversation with with a newly found, close friend... Even if it is early March and well below freezing.


End file.
